Hey, y'all!

[lirazel]

Get your Xander!hate on! eleusis_walks is doing his 30 Days of BtVS, and even though there are many, many topics I strongly disagree with him on, he is always thoughtful and awesome and interesting. And the things I do agree with him on? I agree violently.

Like our mutual hate for the ultimate Nice Guy Xander Harris. He basically lists every single hateful thing that Xander ever says/does and I am glorying in my hate. He also has a love-post devoted to Anya, which I haven't gotten to read yet, but I know is wonderful because anything involving Anya is wonderful. And eleusis_walks loves Dawn and Cordy and Jenny and basically a ton of awesome ladies, so I forgive him for not loving my boy and my girl enough. ;D

So join the hate fest! Or if you like Xander...well, I would like to hear why. Because it is beyond my understanding.

Comments

[anythingbutgrey.livejournal.com]

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

:D

This is one time I feel no shame about spreading the hate. Because for a sec, I'm all, "Maybe it's bad that I'm enjoying hating this much." But then I remind myself that he is a fictional character, so I'm as free to hate as I like!

[elisi]

I... don't understand the Xander hate. I mean, he's not my favourite character (I don't even have an icon of him), but I find him perfectly acceptable.

Sure he's an idiot and screws up a lot, but I like characters that are flawed. He's just Xander, much like Willow is just Willow (and I know people who can't STAND her). If he wasn't a jerk now and again he wouldn't be himself.

I can understand disliking the fact that he seems to get a lot of free passes where others don't, but surely that's not his fault? Just like I don't hate Buffy in s8, because it's not her fault that Joss decided to perform a lobotomy on himself...

Sorry if I'm all wordy and Pollyannaish and ruining your happy hating mood. I'll go away now.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

It's not that he's a jerk--Spike can be a jerk. A major, major asshole. And I never stop loving him. It's the way he wants to control all of the women around him. He's...a raging misogynist and the text doesn't recognize that. The text acts as though the only way to hate women is the way that Warren or Caleb does it instead of recognizing that Xander's way is just as damaging.

Glance through the list of awful moments in the post. Those are things I can't get over because he never acknowledges that any of them are problematic. I just can't figure out a way to think well of him when he consistently acts this way.

Ha! You could never ruin my mood! I like you and your thoughts too much!

[eilowyn.livejournal.com]

I don't think I hate Xander as much as I hate Angel, and Xander does have some redeeming qualities (can't think of any with my hate-on at 100% at the moment, but I know he has them . . . ooh! He hates Angel too! That's a good quality!), but I've noticed when I disagree with eleusis_walks I disagree fiercely. See: blackfrancine's ATS season 4 post. But when he's on . . . he's on.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

I like Angel more than Xander. He treats Cordy well and even though I disagree with almost every moral decision he makes, he's at least consistent. I always believe he wants to be good, even if he goes about it the wrong way and even if he can be self-righteous about it. Plus, I really believe he loves Connor. There are times (when he's not around Buffy) that I really like Angel.

But I don't like anything about Xander. Not at all.

But when he's on . . . he's on.

True!

[moscow-watcher.livejournal.com]

Wow. I didn't know there was so much hate out there. So far, the only character I saw bashed that much was Spike. Spike-haters always interpreted negatively everything he did, does and will probably do in the future :)

I briefly thought about posting something in Xander's defence but decided against it. My long history of communicating with Spike-haters taught me that any attempt at defencing the character makes people even more angry at him. And his fans too.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Well, when people have strong feelings they tend to flock together--like when I post about how AWESOME Buffy is, a lot of people show up to freak out, even though I know there's a lot of hate for her.

I understand totally not wanting to wade into that, but if you wanted to post here, I would love to read your thoughts because I know how thoughtful you are and I value your opinion. Also, I would FIGHT OFF anyone who threatened to upset you. But if you'd rather go off and read a bunch of Xander-loving fic and scrub this from your mind, I understand that, too. That's what I do when people hate on Spike.

[fangfaceandrea.livejournal.com]

I really don't like Xander, though I've found him more... agreeable(?)lately when I rewatch the show and read fic.


Except for S6 where he is repulsive in every sense and scene and word that gets out of his mouth... I don't know how he gets to be the hero of the Season... I don't get how he gets to pass judgement on everyone. grrr

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

I think he's mostly okay in S7, and some fic writers make me not-hate him (though they never make me like him). But yeah, I'm still angry that he gets to be the hero of S6.

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

Xander has always been one of my favourites, but I think that it's largely because I have lots of trouble resisting the Hilariously Quippy Spaz Boy type! And I think that most of my Buffy opinions solidified when I was about 14, and I haven't properly rewatched in a couple of years, so I think I would probably be bothered by things this time around that I was not back then.

But, yeah, I always loved him a lot. COMING CLEAN, CONFESSING.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

I forgive you for this since you're so awesome in every other way. ;D And also because 14? Yeah, we're all like that then!

[flake-sake.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Xander isn't my favorite character but I don't hate him either. He's flawed and in many ways he has the role of the dumbo who is educated about how to deal with women who are unisono stronger than him.

He also gets to play the role of the "heart of the group" which never was a grateful one when she was pushed on women and isn't one now.

I agree that there are many occasions where through Xander you see oversimplification and back door misogynism he isn't called on, but I found other characters similarly irritating that way (Angel as he is on Buffy, Buffy herself).

So no, I don't hate Xander. I agree on most of the moments fleshed out in the post you linked, but there also lots of moments where he is a genuinely good friend.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

I guess I just don't see him ever actually being educated. If he started out where he does and ended up some place completely different, I could appreciate him.

And I can't think of a single character who's supposed to be the "heart" that I actually like. So there is that, ou're right.

but there also lots of moments where he is a genuinely good friend.

I just think he's incapable of being a good friend to women he's attracted to. He can be a good friend to Willow, but I don't like his treatment--ever--of Cordy or Anya and it's very, very rare where I don't hate him where Buffy's concerned.

[finkpishnets.livejournal.com]

I kind of feel bad for admitting I like Xander now. Unlike a lot of the characters (Spike, Buffy, Dawn and Cordelia in particular) who I have ready made arguments in defence of prepared, I've never really thought about why I like Xander. I mean, sometimes I hate him (Hell's Bells being a prime example), but a lot of the time I just find him kind of normal. I understand his motivations without really needing to try.

Also, in S7 when he and Dawn have their 'talk'? Yeah, major heart swelling moment for me.

So, yeah, I do like Xander even if he'd never be classified as one of my favourites, but I couldn't really express why. (Of course, I'm not sure there are very many 'hero's' or 'anti-heroes' in the show that I actually dislike.)

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Aw! Don't feel bad! I just don't get it--he's exactly the kind of character designed to most make me hate him.

If you ever figure out why you like him, I would be very interested in hearing it, because I'm always up for understanding others' POVs.

[laeria.livejournal.com]

Thank you forever for linking this, it's exactly what I needed to improve my very crappy day. (who knew hate posts could fill me with such joy? I don't think I ever hated a fictional character before. Well, maybe Owen of Torchwood - I stopped watching that because of him. But there's too much wonder in BtVS to stop watching.)

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

I know! What does that say about us that we are so joyful over how much we hate this guy? I do not even know, but I don't care either!

[redsilverchains.livejournal.com]

I’ve been trying to write a multifandom thing centering on Deadpan Snarker boys : Sokka from A:tla, Marco from Animorphs, Ron Weasley, and Xander. And I am having a hard time fitting in Xander because every single one of the other boys outshines him like, a lot. Also, while my love for all the other three magnifies as their stories go on, I zig and zag over Xander. I actually feel pretty much the same about Xander and Willow: I started out loving them but it waned over the seasons.

But…I still like him. Like dollsome, my Xander (and Willow) love began when I was younger and I love so many of his quippy moments. I never really hated them. Because they were still Xander and Willow even though they really, really angered me sometimes.

Mmmm…maybe a big part of what kept me liking them was Buffy always loving them? :p From the start, I saw them through Buffy-colored glasses.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

This is great! You know how much I love Ron, and though I've just started watching A:tLA, I have ~thoughs on Sokka. He reminds me a whole lot of Xander, except that I don't hate him because he grew more in ONE EPISODE (the one where the kick-ass girl teaches him to fight and he gets all dressed up in the makeup with the fan?) than Xander does in SEVEN SEASONS. I think he's going to continue to become awesome, and so I can like him.

I started out loving them but it waned over the seasons.

I can see this.

Mmmm…maybe a big part of what kept me liking them was Buffy always loving them? :p From the start, I saw them through Buffy-colored glasses.

I can definitely see this. I acquired those glasses later, so I understand that she loves them, but I wish she wouldn't let them treat her the way she does. *loves on Buffy*

I don't have it in me to be a hater today (maybe ever, but definitely not today)

[angearia.livejournal.com]

I don't hate him.

I don't hate him for all the times he faced down vampires so Buffy wouldn't fight alone. For the times he would go work with Angel because Buffy needed help (this happens a lot in early Season 2). For going down to face the Master and bringing her back to life with CPR. For the time he yelled at Angel and Giles for being too cowardly to go try to rescue Buffy in Innocence--sure, he might die, but he's gonna die trying to rescue Buffy. For the way he told Buffy Teresa's death wasn't her fault when Buffy discovered Angel had sired her. For his quiet strength in Season 7. For his extraordinary speech to Dawn. For his humor that makes Buffy smile--she needs those smiles and he gives them to her. For his loyalty.

Yes, he has low points where he rages and lashes out. So does Buffy. So does Spike. But Xander doesn't leave and he's always there for Buffy in all the little ways that count.

I don't hate him 'cause he drives Buffy and Dawn to school in the morning. I don't hate him because Buffy can ask him for help and he doesn't even ask why, he just does it because he wants to help Buffy above all barring Angel/Spike/vampire complications b/c of his own issues. I don't hate him because Xander admires Buffy and asks himself What would Buffy do? He doesn't have the hots for her because she's got superpowers--he admires her.

Xander is the guy who can be a douche at times (and says inappropriate things way too often), but he's also the guy who'll carry you in his arms to the hospital if he has to. He's the guy who will punch his fist through a wall because his best friend's mom died and everyone is so upset and he can't do anything to help them. Xander is the guy who would give away a kidney if Buffy or Willow or Dawn needed it; he'd say, "Hey, I only need one, right? Who needs a matching set of kidneys nowadays?"

Xander was a teenager with a lot of resentment and privilege and lacking in social skills, but he grows up, he matures into a quietly supportive figure of strength who is comfortable with being supportive. That's what "Grave" is all about: he finally realizes that being supportive is what he does and that's important. It's why he's at peace with not having superpowers in Season 7. Because he's outgrown his resentment and grown into a fully supportive character. He's actually become the heart he had been purported to be.

I don't hate him for all the times Buffy would've walked alone in early Season 7 but Xander was at her side. For all the times he would've been at her side, just as a friend, if she'd wanted him to be there.

I don't hate him in the early seasons. I don't love him much either. I get really angry with him (especially all the times he lashes out at Buffy). But who he becomes by Season 7? That's a good guy and he continues to grow into the role of secure, supportive strength.

Re: I don't have it in me to be a hater today (maybe ever, but definitely not today)

[blackfrancine.livejournal.com]

Aww. See. I knew that was going to happen. Some level-headed, open-hearted person would make me want to not hate Xander. You are so good at that.

Gah! I don't even know if I hate him now, after reading this:

Xander was a teenager with a lot of resentment and privilege and lacking in social skills, but he grows up, he matures into a quietly supportive figure of strength who is comfortable with being supportive. That's what "Grave" is all about: he finally realizes that being supportive is what he does and that's important.

But I still have issues with him. But you've doused me with the milk of human kindness. Damn it.

[zombie_boogie.livejournal.com]

The "pathetic second banana who a lot of people find amusing but who really is just a passive-aggressive toolbag and frequent disloyal friend" is one of my least favourite character types and Xander is one of the worst offenders. The worst. I used to think I was alone with my Xander hate but I'm glad to know there are others who just don't get his appeal *single tear*.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Aw! I actually love Ron. But I will join you in reveling in your Xander hate.

[angearia.livejournal.com]

Here's some Season 7 reasons to not hate Xander Harris:

+ When everyone is complaining about Buffy's decision to bring Spike into her house, what does Xander do? He says, "I've got a house to put back together" and he fixes Buffy's house. Because he already put in his two cents when he agreed to room with Spike and now he's just in full on support mode.

+ "They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary."

+ "I've been through more battles with Buffy than you all can ever imagine. She's stopped everything that's ever come up against her. She's laid down her life—literally—to protect the people around her. This girl has died two times, and she's still standing. You're scared? That's smart. You got questions? You should. But you doubt her motives, you think Buffy's all about the kill, then you take the little bus to battle. I've seen her heart, and this time—not literally. And I'm telling you, right now, she cares more about your lives than you will ever know. You gotta trust her. She's earned it."

+ "Well, you know, it's like, uh... when a cow gets old and loses an eye, or its ability to be milked, the farmer takes it and puts it in a different pasture so it won't have to... fight...with the priests. Look, I don't need you to protect me...I got hurt, but I'm not done. I can still fight... I just always thought that I would... I would be there with you... you know, for the end."


This is Xander in Season 7. Secure and supportive.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

I will say that I do not hate him in S7, and I think he does grow up a lot in that season. But by that time, I've disliked him for so long, I really don't care that he's finally grown up. If he'd grown up a few seasons before, it may have salvaged him for me. *sigh*

I do love that he loves Buffy and Dawn (even if he's "I'm the one that sees things" makes me laugh) and that it finally seems platonic re: Buffy. You get a lot of points for me when you love my girls.

[rebcake.livejournal.com]

I try to keep my equilibrium about the characters that I hate have issues with. Xander is very much up there, and I've always thought that he was the stand-in for Nice Guy Racists, who are those seemingly normal people that completely lose their shit when "The Other" gets anything they want for themselves: respect and women, primarily. (You know, all those decent folks that have been completely driven round the bend by having Obama in office?) I kind of liked that he was there to represent that very real, very difficult to face, element of our society.

I can definitely see how it may have be too subtle to be an effective diss, though. His character does get some pretty awesome moments, and he often gets to be stupid brave, after all. eleusis_walks takes him to task for what he says in Prophecy Girl, for instance, and I agree. But in the same ep, he's the one that forces Angel to show him where Buffy has gone, and takes action to save her while everybody else is sitting around worrying. He gets to be an actual, real-life hero, not just a super-hero.

Maybe I'm too generous with authorial intent in his case. It's my hope that he's there to show that even if you have these horrible sexist and racist compulsions — probably because you were raised in an environment of fear — you can be more than that. I would argue that there's is a little of this ugly thing in most of us. Xander is indeed a douche, and he is legion. It comforts me to think that he can also be a decent carpenter, a safe driver, a generous friend. He isn't entirely his worst aspects. I can't really forgive him his trespasses, but I try be fair about his accomplishments.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

This is a really awesome approach to his character. I'm really glad you shared it.

[local-max.livejournal.com]

I love Xander. But you know, it's hard to argue a case to someone who has the diametrically opposed viewpoint, because you have to be careful not to screw it up! And I'm pretty exhausted. So, I won't get into it. But anyway, HI HOW'S IT GOING HOPE YOU ARE WELL HAVING GREAT TIME YAY!!!!!

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

It's true--though some people have done some masterful defenses of him here in the comments, it still doesn't change my mind because my reaction to him is very visceral.

HI I'M OKAY DOING ALRIGHT HOW ARE YOU HOPE YOU'RE AWESOME!!!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_jems_/]

Ugh, Xander. The further removed I am from the series, the less energy I tend to waste on the characters I hate, but if I were to do a rewatch (and some days I really want to! And other days I dread having to sit through all that stuff I hate. You know, like Buffy/Angel, Angel, the high school years. Well, maybe I don't hate the high school years, I more resent them because they stand between me and the seasons I really like) I can only imagine how much forgotten rage that would surface.

(My Willow issues don't usually start until later, when Aly Hannigan fully embraces that horrible breathy acting style that makes me think she's developed a constant stuffy nose. But what do I know, maybe magicks have a devastating effect on the sinuses?)

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

and some days I really want to! And other days I dread having to sit through all that stuff I hate. You know, like Buffy/Angel, Angel, the high school years. Well, maybe I don't hate the high school years, I more resent them because they stand between me and the seasons I really like

This is how I am as well. I rarely rewatch the early seasons for precisely this reason. I just watch 5-7 and certain episodes in 4 over and over.

when Aly Hannigan fully embraces that horrible breathy acting style that makes me think she's developed a constant stuffy nose. But what do I know, maybe magicks have a devastating effect on the sinuses?)

HAHAHA YES! I know exactly what you're talking about!

[afterthree.livejournal.com]

I do not hate Xander, but he is fantastically problematic and eleusis_walks outlined most of those things extremely well. Her essay's are all awesome: thanks for posting about this, btw, otherwise I wouldn't have known! Awesome meta. :)

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

He's a he, actually, but he writes great meta! And you're very welcome!

[beloved-77.livejournal.com]

O.M.G. It is *so* nice to find people who don't like Xander. It's almost like the one taboo in fandom: no one can say that they hate Xander. I'm not going into my own reasons here, but thank you for sharing this link. We must say it loud, say it proud:

We hate Xander, and we're not afraid to admit it!

Should we start a fan club?

...Or maybe that would be a non-fan club? :-P

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Wasn't there a We Hate Cordelia club, of which Xander was, like treasurer or something? We should start one of those! Only for Xander. Because we hate him. And love Cordelia.

[snickfic]

Despite what the icon says, I find that mostly I just don't care much about Xander. I find his icky oversexualization way disturbing, but I'm similarly disturbed by just about every other guy of comparable age on TV, so I'm not sure how meaningful it is.

Mostly: he's a nice flavor in the narrative soup. He carries important weight as comic relief (yes, even when he isn't actually funny) and the person most likely to freak out at freaky things (so, kind of like Wash that way). He's useful.

However, I'm not interested in him as either a protagonist or an antagonist (which Spuffy fics occasionally like to cast him as); I'd really just rather ignore him and focus on the interesting characters.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

I find his icky oversexualization way disturbing, but I'm similarly disturbed by just about every other guy of comparable age on TV, so I'm not sure how meaningful it is.

Agreed.

I prefer Wash. ;D

I'd really just rather ignore him and focus on the interesting characters.

I totally agree with this. Which is why I rarely write him. Pretty much everyone around him is more interesting than he is.

[ever-neutral.livejournal.com]

I... don't hate Xander.

Get your Xander!hate on!

And I've gotta be honest, because I don't do shut-up-you're-a-minority very well: Hate-orgies make me pretty uncomfortable. Mostly because I'm wondering how all the Xander-loving peeps in our corner of fandom must be feeling. If this big discussion was happening about Spike (which... there have been plenty), it wouldn't matter if all the points were valid - it would hurt. It would diminish my feeling of safety in this fandom. So, I respectfully decline.

Re: that essay, I nod along with all of its points, but I can't forget all the positive parts of the character that Emmie has pretty much also written an essay about upthread. Though, I agree violently with this:

Okay, first of all, how DARE he? How DARE he take the power of disclosure away from Buffy?

This has always shitted me off. Particularly because I feel like we're supposed to be agreeing with him? Anyway, it was insensitive to a colossal degree.

Still. I'm with Emmie. I'm always a long way off from hate.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm totally fine with anybody liking him, but I don't and can't because his particular flaws are the kind that most infuriate me. So there's that.

It would diminish my feeling of safety in this fandom.

That certainly isn't anyone's intention, especially not mine. I've just seen so much hate directed at my personal faves (Buffy and Spike, obvs) that I take it for granted that any character can and will be bashed in fandom and I just need to steer myself away from it (not that I'm always great at doing that, but I try). Because characters prompt visceral reactions in all of us, and fandom is about nothing if not voicing your intensely-held opinions.

I wish I didn't hate him. I don't want to hate any character, and it makes rewatching laborious. But I can't help it. Hate wells up in my soul.

[slaymesoftly.livejournal.com]

Wow - 111 comments? I will admit to using Xander fairly often as a bad guy (Hearts Breaking Even) (or a wannabe bad guy, anyway), but I can do that in one fic and turn around in another and make him a good guy (He Aint Heavy, He's My Vampire). Like all the characters from BtVS and AtS he is multi-layered and complex. It's very easy to take his unattractive qualities and emphasize them to make him a major jerk, but it's also possible to look at other traits and emphasize them so that he comes out a nicer guy. If there were a balance sheet of good qualities vs bad ones, chances are it might lean towards bad guy - but I don't think it totally defines him.

I can't imagine hating anyone from the Buffyverse (ok, not too crazy about Warren..). If nothing else, they're all so complex that they give writers tons of room to write them as needed. We should value them for that, if nothing else.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

And I agree that I hate reading fics in which Xander is an out-and-out monster, because he clearly isn't. I'm not a fan of bashing fic; I don't write it and I don't like to read it. But Xander in particular has flaws that drive me UP THE WALL. I can see that he's complex and has a lot going on...but I don't like him enough to care. So I typically just ignore him. I've taken this one day to wallow in hate by reading all those horrible things he said, and tomorrow I'm going back to loving Buffy and Spike and Dawn and whoever and that will be that.

[next_to_normal]

I don't hate Xander. Other people have provided defenses that hit a lot of points I agree with (and having spent some time lately avoiding fandom because of the toxic atmosphere, I definitely get where ohwaluvusbab is coming from). But even if I thought he was totally irredeemable, I just don't have the mental energy to hate him. He's a fictional character. It's just not worth it. I'd much rather spend my time and energy on things that make me happy.

[shamoogity.livejournal.com]

Xander was my favourite character for a long time. I'm not sure if he still is; I have become aware of some more problematic issues with his character, but I loved Xander. He's probably still one of my all-time favourite fictional characters.

He was always the funniest character for me, which is a big thing for me. I also loved his loyalty and how he kept fighting even though he was never the one who got the glory or the appreciation, or even the one who got to be cool. I also just loved the subtle indications of his difficult home life that escalated in the later seasons and his fear of becoming his dad and of getting left behind by his friends...it all just rang really true for me, and was handled subtly over time, especially in the earlier years. He always felt like a whole, complex person. He was insecure, of course, and could handle it terribly, but it always rang true for me and made me interested in him as a character. And despite his insecurities, he was never threatened by Buffy's strength; it just made him love her more. And when everyone else got way too caught up in their own drama, he was the one quietly paying the bills, cleaning up every time the house got trashed, doing all that practical, unglamourous stuff.

He treated Anya badly, yes, but I always kind of saw their relationship as him being the latest thing Anya tried to define herself by and him putting up with Anya because she was so devoted to him and he was so insecure. Which again, is pretty terrible of him, but again, seemed like something that you see in a lot of RL relationships. Much like Spike, he was a compelling character for me even though I didn't always approve of his actions.

Anyway, now that I am older and hopefully wiser, I can definitely see how ridiculous his advice to Buffy in Into the Woods was and how horrible it was that he tried to, as Buffy put it, "invoke the great roofie spirit" in Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered. But that stuff is pretty outweighed by all the reasons I love him.

[shamoogity.livejournal.com]

penny_lane_42, I hadn't actually read all the other comments when I posted this. I didn't realize the context, so I just wanted to say that I hope you don't take this as me having been offended by the post. You asked for reasons why people like Xander if they like him and so I obliged. It's always hard to hear criticism about your favourite characters, but I can certainly see why someone could hate him. Plus you've always been gracious and mature when I've criticized Spike. So yeah, no hard feelings whatsoever on my side.

Random commment: I suddenly realized that I am not sure of your first name. Is it Lizarel or am I making this up? I feel terrible that I'm not sure, when we've been LJ friends for years now.

[superkappa.livejournal.com]

I hate Xander mostly because he reminds me a lot of people I know in real life, people who are priveledged and treat people around them like shit and never admits their short comings. This is especially true in his interactions with Cordelia and Anya. I've seen friends of mine date guys like that, and it's just as disgusting in real life, if not more.

But I think what I hate about him most is that the show never seems to realize just how disgusting he is. I can find a redeeming quality in almost any other character in the series, but not in him.