I don't hate Xander. Other people have provided defenses that hit a lot of points I agree with (and having spent some time lately avoiding fandom because of the toxic atmosphere, I definitely get where ohwaluvusbab is coming from). But even if I thought he was totally irredeemable, I just don't have the mental energy to hate him. He's a fictional character. It's just not worth it. I'd much rather spend my time and energy on things that make me happy.