entirely ruined her disposition with books

OMG Y’ALL YOU HAVE TO READ THIS ESSAY.

Okay, does anybody remember SurveyFail? Anybody? If you were following metafandom a couple of years ago, no doubt you do. Two researchers who had nothing to do with the fannish community decided to survey fandom about its kinks, pretty much. In doing so, they revealed ALL KINDS OF FAIL. Fandom went crazy—in the amazing, snarky, intelligent way that we tend to do when outsiders are trying to pain a particular picture of us that has nothing to do with reality. [eta: Here's the FanLore entry, in case you want to do some digging. ]

Anyway, we kind of kicked them out? Or so I thought. Apparently they JUST PUBLISHED A BOOK which is full of still more fail. And a brilliant anivad has written an excellent, excellent critique of their both their methods and the ways in which the kyriarchy silences those it sees as Other.

One of my favorite parts of the essay is where anivad talks about the way in which the internet can be used as an equalizer, as a way of the voiceless being able to speak. When the mainstream media, owned by huge conglomerates mostly headed by white guys, refuses to let the oppressed speak, the internet gives us a voice and at least the potential to be heard (admittedly, most of us aren’t heard beyond communities of like-minded people, but the potential is there. By the way, did I mention that you should all go read this essay about livejournal in Russia? Because it opened my eyes to so many things. GO READ NOW).

And all of this just reminds me—AGAIN—of how dismissing internet relationships is just another way to silence people. I was thinking specifically of those of us who have anxiety struggles or other mental health problems. One of the hardest parts of my depression/social anxiety disorder is that way it makes me feel alienated. I don’t want to go out and be around people—it’s too tiring, too awkward, too draining. But, like most people, I still want relationships. I still want to connect to people.

And the internet lets me do this. I connect with people like me, I have conversations with people who are passionate about the same things I am, I build relationships with people I would never had a chance to be with otherwise. My sister jokingly says that my family and the internet is my social life, and you know what? These last few years, while my emotional problems and life situation have made me spend so much time at home, it’s true. And it’s not a bad thing. I hatehatehatehatehate this cultural conception of people who have friends on the internet as stinky losers sitting in their mom’s basement, unable to make friends in real life. It’s so not true of most of us, and even if it is, so what? I know some people whose moms have quite comfortable basements.

The internet is amazing. It’s been a lifesaver for me, and for so many other people. Obviously, as a tool, it can be used for destructive purposes as well (from hate groups organizing to child predators to leaked sex tapes/naked photos). But it can be used for beautiful things. It can let my social anxiety-riddled self connect to other people. It can let people who feel very, very alone and alienated find people who are like them, who share interests or struggles or perspectives. Geography is no obstacle. The boundaries of distance are melting away before our eyes.

And when people dismiss internet-formed friendships or mock them or ignore them or stigmatize them, what they’re really doing is marginalizing us. The ones of us who aren’t neurotypical. The ones of us who are different or Othered. The ones of us who are voiceless.

And look—I’m a privileged person. I’m a white, straight, thin, Christian, middle class white girl from America. I have nearly every single kind of privilege imaginable. The only two areas in which I suffer oppression—my gender and my mental illness—do render me voiceless and marginalized in some areas, but there are far more areas in which I belong to the oppressing group. And if the internet and the communities we form are so important to me with all of my privilege and with my relatively easy life, I can’t imagine how life-saving, life-affirming, life-giving it might be to someone whose very identity comes under fire even more often and with even more violence than mine does.

Anyway, all this to say: the internet is a beautiful tool. My mama often compares my “friends in the computer” to relationships that a lot of literary figures used to maintain via mail and written letters. It really is similar…except that it’s even more convenient, because it can be instantaneous if you want it to (or not, if you don’t want it to—one of the things I love about the internet is that I can literally turn off the conversation and walk away if I need to!) and the conversation can involve as many or as few people as you want it to. That is truly amazing.

--

And as a little aside, I went back on whedonesque yesterday. *sigh* Yes, I did. I just wanted to see what people were saying about that super weird interview with Jane Espenson and Georges Jeanty (um, Jane, I love you. Madly. Passionately. BUT PEOPLE QUESTION BUFFY'S AUTHORITY ALL THE TIIIME). Instead I ended up reading a bunch of people poo-pooing the idea of trigger warnings with the argument of “Well, if someone gets assaulted in a Laundromat, then seeing a washing machine might trigger them, and I can’t know that, so obviously I can’t warn for everything, so I shouldn’t have to warn for ANYTHING!” Which is the biggest bunch of hogwash I’ve heard in a while and made me roll my eyes majorly. I wrote up a big long reply and felt much better. I didn’t post it because I didn’t want to get sucked back into that vortex, but it made me feel better to type it. And the whole thing reminded me of why I stay in the spaces I do on the internet. Oh, beautiful flist, I love you.

Basically I have rediscovered my love of this show. And my kiiiiiids! MY KIIIIIDS! SO MUCH LOVE. And I have many, many thinky thoughts, though how original they are, I could not tell you. Probably I won’t say anything you didn’t already know or think or whatever, but I know that I, for one, really enjoy reading other people agreeing with me, so I’m posting. BEWARE HUGES BLOCKS OF TEXT.

( cut for ridiculous length )

snickfic made an offhanded comment once upon a time that has been popping up again in my head lately because I seem to be getting sucked into Harry Potter fandom yet again (at least on tumblr) and questions have started to ~stew~. So I thought I’d get some insight from y’all.

Slash fandom baffles me. I mean, sometimes it makes sense. Spike/Angel, sure. I get where you’re coming from. Merlin fandom, from what I know of it, seems to get a whole lot of canon winks/support. Even Kirk/Spock makes sense to me. And Torchwood had slash for your big canon ship.

But there seems to be very little pattern to what makes a big slash ship and what doesn’t.

For instance. Harry Potter. Why is there not a huge Harry/Ron fandom? Heterosexual life partners, here. At least as much textual evidence to support them as to support Harry/Hermione. They even have their moments of hating each others’ guts (GoF, anyone?). And yet nothing, as far as I know (well, sometimes there’s OT3 action, which again, makes loads of sense. But not a lot). And there’s Harry/Draco and Harry/Snape out the whazoo (no wisecracks, please). And okay. People love enmity turning into sex. Got it. But still. Why one and not the other? Can someone please explain this to me?

Is Jeremy/Tyler big in TVD fandom? I am not deeply involved in that fandom, so I don’t know. And then there’s Spike/Xander which makes less than zero sense to me (well, Xander finding Spike attractive seems to be canon. But I can’t see it ever, ever going the other way), because there’s not a lot of outright hatred there, just weird contempt. Is Troy/Abed big and I just don’t know about it? If fandom always ships people who hate each other, where’s the Logan/Weevil? What about Wes/Gunn or Tim Riggins/Jason Street or Chuck/Nate or Tony/Sid? Some of those BFF pairings have really fantastic (platonic, in my eyes, but I could easily see it being otherwise for people) chemistry along the lines of Kirk/Spock or something. So what determines what’s going to take off as a pairing? How does fandom determine that in one fandom they’re going to turn the enemies into lovers and in another they won’t? Or that in this fandom they BFFs are TOTALLY DOING IT while in another they’re just friends?

Of course, one could ask the same thing about het pairings—why some are huge and others are not, but I tend to have much more of an instinct about which one’s going to be the big one (Jeff/Annie having a more active fandom than Jeff/Britta surprises me not at all, and I could have told you that people were going to ship Damon/Elena from literally their first meeting, for example, and the lack of Buffy/Riley—yes, I know there are a few of you out there, but I mean as an active fandom—is the least shocking thing ever). This instinct seems to be non-existent for me when it comes to slash, though (what’s the opposite of slash goggles? Whatever it is, I’ve got that).

This doesn’t really affect me in any way because slash = not my thing. I am just trying to find some sort of discernible pattern here, because I seem to be epically bad at predicting what will and will not be big. Thoughts?

First off, anyone who watches The Vampire Diaries, go read this epic post of epicness by ineffort (I'm so proud to call you my friend! *sob*) who doesn't write meta often but totally SHOULD. Her thoughts about Stefan and Katherine (and, peripherally, Damon and a tad bit of Elena) are GENIUS and make me flail with love for this show. WITH BONUS PICSPAMS AND MIX. GET ON THAT.

Once you've done that, you can read the rest of this!

So if you've been around here for very long, you know that I identify with Spike. Like, a lot. A lot a lot. He's the character on BtVS I always understand, whose point of view I never struggle with. Even when I (violently, sometimes) disagree with the conclusions he arrives at or the choices he makes, I always understand where he's coming from. Because he's just so hungry, so ravenous. He feels so much and wants so much and he can't disguise that. It's all right there. I am the same way. I once made some people on my flist laugh by saying that I spew emotion everywhere, but uh. I do. I can be extremely effusive and demonstrative when I'm really close to people (though very shy and stand-off-ish around people I'm not as close to) and I am unafraid of commitment and talking about any feeling that I might have.

Also if you've been around, you know I've become the world's (second) biggest fan of Buffy Summers. And you know that it was a long journey to that place. Because she's pretty much the opposite of who I am. The first time I really identified with her was when Dawn came along and she was all I MUST PROTECT MY SISTER. (I have a big sister complex, basically.) So getting into her headspace is pretty much a constant process for me. But a rewarding one, because it's always really good to look at things from very different povs, you know?

Anyways! Because it was such a struggle for me to grow to understand Buffy, it's always nice when someone who identifies more with her offers their insight.

If I am Spike, then ohwaluvusbab is Buffy. Which I guess means that we should have a crazy love/hate relationship involving banter and UST and redemption arcs? Okay, we'll get right on that. And she shared something with me in the comments to my last BtVS-related post (which I swear I'm going to answer replies to sooner or later) that was so insightful and true that I wanted to share it:

Full disclosure: I am a Buffy. Completely. I feel so connected with her because pretty much the way she functions, lS THE WAY I FUNCTION. (If this is cause for criticism from certain people, fine. Whatever. Come at me.) And this is why I can tell you with 100% certainty that in S7, Buffy loved Spike. It is not even in question.

...

I think part of the issue is that people are judging Buffy-in-love by the way she was with Angel.

You are 100% right about this. I'll go further. I'd say people judge Buffy-in-love by THEIR own idea of what love is supposed to look like. I see some people say that Buffy's not capable of love by S7, which... I can understand why they think this. But on bad days, I find this sentiment pretty damn insulting. To me, it's akin to saying, "YOUR love is inadequate, because it doesn't meet certain requirements us emotionally healthy people have ordained." (Which, hey, possibly over-identifying here. I'll be the first to admit I'm not well-adjusted. I feel such compassion for Buffy in S7 because I've also doubted at length about my own ability to love. Over-sharing. Whatever.) Just. Fuck. Fuck this ~conventional, acceptable way~ of relationships. Buffy called it love. WHY IS THAT NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

And I was all, "Brb, shaking and crying." Because YES. ( cut for rambling about Riley, introversion, mental health, and the definition of love, among other things )

Okay, I should know better than to read any post that is aimed at the general BtVS fandom public and asks whether Buffy was really in love with Spike. Like, Lauren, why would you do that? You know it's just going to depress you!

( behind a cut for rambling and so as not to spoil marketchippie. This is about S7! )

This isn't an "Argue with me!" post. You can say, "I disagree," all you want, but I just really wanted to get my feelings down on paper and wallow in my own love for these two. angearia and I were talking just last night about how much we love them--more all the time--the kind of love that just makes you feel like your heart is going to explode. And even though I said a lot of what I just said in my manifesto, I needed to say it again for my own sake. So...don't argue with me, okay? Expressing disagreement is fine, but this is a happy post. 'Kay? Kay.

No, really, I've read the whole thing! And though I still don't even like the idea that the comics even exist (like I've said a thousand times, I'm perfectly happy with the "ending" we got the first time--Buffy, standing on the edge of the carter-that-was-the-hellmouth, smiling and full of hope, her whole life and endless possibilities ahead of her), and I doubt I'm ever going to love them (and I still think there are major, major pacing problems and my complaints about some of the feminism stuff still stand and I think it was a mistake to draw it out this long), I want to add my voice to those who say, "Buck up, kiddos! Things might just work out after all!"

But this isn't meta. It isn't even insightful, probably. I mean, while I have paid detailed attention to all that's come before, I've only read, like, two other installments. So I'm not exactly knowledgeable. This is just a bunch of random thoughts I had while reading, and many of them have been said better and more eloquently by other people. I doubt I have anything original to say.

( spoilers and such )

Wow! That got long! And most of it is positive! Did you ever, ever, ever think you'd see the day where I wrote a S8 response post that was both long and positive? Really?

It's done!

You can find my massive Shipper Manifesto/Recs right here! I hope you enjoy it and that you maybe find a fic or two that you haven't read or that you'd forgotten all about.

I apologize to everyone whose wonderful fic I couldn't fit on the list, but seriously? The thing was taking over my life. There are so many more wonderful fics (many written by members of my flist) that didn't fit into any category and so didn't make the list but are certainly worth reading. I really do love you! And I will gladly pimp you out any time!

The manifesto is partially adapted from my post a few days ago, but I've made quite a few changes, so if you actually want to wade through it, it might be worth it to you.

And don't miss out on xlivvielockex's gorgeous Cordy/Angel list and anythingbutgrey's explosively excited Wes/Lilah list (which I look forward to reading EVERY WORD OF once my brain solidifies again). And definitely take a look around and see what else you can find that's relevant to your interests!

Thanks so much to all of you for suggestions/links/thoughts/etc. I couldn't have done it without you!

As an extension of that, please feel free to correct me on anything in the post. I juuuuust posted it, so you might find a broken link or something else embarrassing. I do want you to tell me!

I want to have a discussion. About casting on TV. Really, really great casting, that is.

This discussion is inspired by my current affection for whoever it was who cast Benedict Cumberbatch on Sherlock, because he is so ridiculously, insanely right in that part that it sends me into spasms of delight whenever I think about him.

So what I'm talking about is those actors who are just married to the right material right off the bat: they come in and instantly they just work as the character, selling it immediately and becoming so one with the writing that they create someone real. Who make you sit back and want to write love letters to the casting director (if you're me, anyways, and I'm well aware I'm a bit crazy) thanking them for finding this perfect person for just this perfect role.

This isn't, though, just about good acting. For instance, neither Sarah Michelle Gellar nor James Marsters would be on my list, despite being really wonderful. Smidge wouldn't be there because even though I think she's fantastic in her role as Buffy, I don't think she's so ultimately, awesomely perfect that I can't hardly stand it right from the very beginning--it took me a while to feel that way about her. JM wouldn't be there because that role really grew up around him--he was supposed to be killed off rather quickly, and they just kept bringing him back and giving him more things to do, writing specifically for him, because he was great. But that, to me, is more the show lucking out getting someone so talented than the casting director finding someone indispensable for the role. The same might be said of Enver Gjokaj (whom you all know I adore), I can't decide: the nature of that role was to constantly change, so maybe he is a good example? I'm not really sure.

As another example, I wouldn't put Gillian Jacobs as Britta on Community on the list, either, because even though she's great and is becoming pretty iconic in my mind, I feel like the show floundered a bit trying to figure out who she was. Eventually it did, and it was a glorious thing to behold, but it was a bit wobbly at first. And any actor for whom a character was created isn't going to work either, like Rob Lowe on The West Wing. Or like Christina Hendricks on Mad Men--they changed the part to fit the actress, and thank goodness they did.

Anyways, this is obviously subjective and all based on who just pings for me as a viewer, and I'm not quite sure that I can concretely define what would earn someone a spot on my list. It's like pornography--I know it when I see it.

But here are the people who just popped into my head in the last ten minutes:

- Connie Britton as Tami on Friday Night Lights (a show with some really fabulous casting all-around)
- James Callis as Gaius Baltar on Battlestar Galactica
- Richard Schiff and Allison Janney as Toby and CJ on The West Wing (another show whose casting is so fabulous it seems a shame to single anybody out)
- Leighton Meester as Blair on Gossip Girl (yes, really. Whatever else can be said about that show--most of it bad--girlfriend is Blair Waldorf)
- Danny Pudi on as Abed Community (yeah, there's another one of those wonderfully well-cast shows)
- Hannah Murray and Nicholas Hoult as Cassie and Tony Skins (okay, I need to quit naming shows that just have really strong casting, okay?)
- Hugh Laurie as House on House

Anybody else want to play? Remember, we're talking TV--if we expand it to movies, too, the lists would be endless!

A comment over on the website-which-shall-not-be-named got me thinking.

Here it is:

It is horrid but their sex brought on the end of the world so it was never meant to be a positive development. It’s already happened to her once before in Where the Wild Things Are when something urged Buffy and Riley on and they were turned into mindless sex zombies who had "no control over themselves." This time it's only has larger and more disastrous consequences.

It may be squicky but I’d still prefer that story to a story where Buffy knowingly jumped the bones of Twangel and didn’t care that the world started crumbling down around her.

There are about seventy places I could go with this (like, how very, very much I hate WtWTA), but what I really want to get to is this:

Why does questionable sex have to be at the heart of this at all? I hated WtWTA; I hate this. I'm so incredibly over Joss's whole SEX LEADS TO BADNESS thing. And reducing the entire plot of the season to Who Buffy Boinks...seriously?

So let’s talk about consent and sexual punishment in the Buffyverse. I don’t have any deep insights into it; I haven’t really done enough thinking about it for that. But I would like to start up some conversations about it.

And it’s all gonna be behind a cut for the sake of mollivanders, as not to spoil her, and for the sake of the portion of my flist that could care less about my natterings about BtVS


( Cut for Rambling )