Oh, God
I had sworn I wasn't going to do the link-to-whedonesque thing anymore. I'm sure it annoys y'all that I constantly have to scurry back here to get reassurance. I really am going to try to do it less in the future.
But this one time, I have to get my rage out. I'm feeling sick to my stomach and shaky.
Someone on whedonesque just made the most ridiculously sexist, homophobic, patronizing, self-congratulatory comment about shipping ever. And I am ANGRY.
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[eta] EMPHASIS HIS.
I...just...WTF?????
I called him on it. How much you wanna bet that he'll pull the whole "oversensitive" card?
It's okay. I will link the hell out of Derailing for Dummies. Never fear.
But this one time, I have to get my rage out. I'm feeling sick to my stomach and shaky.
Someone on whedonesque just made the most ridiculously sexist, homophobic, patronizing, self-congratulatory comment about shipping ever. And I am ANGRY.
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Saying that everything has to come down to some ship is kind of insulting. I know you probably weren't meaning to be. But.
I'm not a shipper. You can tell by how I'm a heterosexual adult man. I just like a good story.
Shipping itself is, in my humble opinion, not just stupid but destructive to the fandom. The story is what is what it is (and I'm including the TV show in this), but I can't comment on what actually has happened because it'll offend people who think things should be another way.
Let's say I decide that Riley should have been Buffy's true love, and regardless of what happens in the show, I get angry when she hooks up with anyone else. Doesn't matter that the events clearly show that that's not happening. Im'ma get pissed anyway. See how stupid that would be?
[eta] EMPHASIS HIS.
I...just...WTF?????
I called him on it. How much you wanna bet that he'll pull the whole "oversensitive" card?
It's okay. I will link the hell out of Derailing for Dummies. Never fear.
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Screw. That.
This is one of those times when I'm tempted to just get an account on a site so I can slam somebody for their stupidity. (I have never actually gone through with this. BUT OH THE ALLURE AT THE MOMENT.)
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And there's totally a way to communicate the fact that you aren't fond of shipping and the way it affects fandom without BEING SO F'ING SEXIST AND HOMOPHOBIC AND LECTURING ALL US LITTLE LADIES ON HOW WE SHOULD REACT.
GRRRR!
I love you forever for being tempted. And do not blame you for not doing so. Seriously, it's an uphill battle over there.
*sigh*
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I really, really hope that this BS over at Whedonesque doesn't come to that level of breathtaking AWFULNESS. I am glad Simon stepped in (though I'd be happier if someone just flat-out banned him, omfg.)
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I don't think it will go quite that far. The mods are pretty good about steering people away from flamewars--they have practice. But they aren't always as good at recognizing inappropriate comments as I wish they were.
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And I've gotta say, I didn't think I'd ever agree with KingofCretins about anything, but he's actually making sense there.
(also: Hi! I hope you don't mind that I friended you)
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But yes. Thanks! I felt it completely necessary to appeal to the mods.
It wasn't so much the anti-shipping sentiment--I've seen that a thousand times. It was the blatantly patronizing way he said it, like as a man--a straight man--he was above such stupid, destructive things, that those are the realm of stupid women and stupid gay men.
AND THEN HE TRIED TO LECTURE US LIKE ALL WE NEEDED ALL ALONG WAS A BIG, STRONG, RATIONAL MAN TO EXPLAIN IT AND WE'D ALL SEE THE LIGHT.
I mean, the anti-shipper sentiment over there is dumb, but whatever. It's the way he said it.
I've actually been agreeing with KingofCretins since the whole Twilight reveal. I don't know that I agreed with him before anything that because I've never particularly paid attention to his other comments. *shrug*
Also, I've noticed you calling people out on sexism over there on several occasions, and I want to thank you. Sometimes I feel like you and I and a few others are the voices in the wilderness there as far as sexism goes.
And yes! Friend away! I will friend back!
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It has for some odd reason become my usual posting-about_Whedonesque idon... ;) The icon itself is from
It was the blatantly patronizing way he said it, like as a man--a straight man--he was above such stupid, destructive things, that those are the realm of stupid women and stupid gay men.
To me pretty much all anti-shipping talk sounds like that, though it might be just because I used to be (and still am) active in the 'boy' side of fandom before coming to the 'girl' side of Livejournal and fanfiction, so I'm used to anti-shipping always coming coupled with the attitude that shipping and fanfiction are silly wimminz things and /real/ (men) fans don't do it.
I don't know that I agreed with him before anything that because I've never particularly paid attention to his other comments.
I've clashed with him couple of times over Dollhouse and S8 and he's always come across as really patronising (though less in a mansplaing way and more in a general 'bow before my greatness plebes' kind of a way).
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But seriously, those icons are made of win, and I kind of love that you use that one when talking about whedonesque!
My time in the "boy" side of fandom was a long time ago and not in the Buffyverse. By the time I got involved in shipping, I was already pretty heavily into fanfiction as my primary fandom, so I never really saw the anti-shipping attitude as sexist, though I can easily imagine that this is the case, and I'll probably notice it more from now on.
(though less in a mansplaing way and more in a general 'bow before my greatness plebes' kind of a way).
Well, at least no mansplaining (seriously, isn't that the greatest word ever? I use it all the time!). That's much worse, imo, than just that general, "I'm the final word on life" kind of condescension.
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We've always gotten along pretty well, though we've disagreed a lot. The thing about King is that if he's wrong and you show him in a logical manner how he's wrong, he'll admit it. Like, he was angry about this issue and included a negative comment about Buffy, blaming her and I just called him to task on it. (Basically, he fell into the angry man acting sexist trap of blaming the woman.) I explained to him how blaming Buffy for what's happening would be like blaming Veronica for getting raped in Season 1 (he's also a Veronica fan!). And he admitted that he was wrong. We moved on.
But yep. I've totally been agreeing with him again and again ever since the Twilight reveal, so I'm right there with you.
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Also, your icon is fantastic in this context.
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I... don't have any words. *walks away before she breaks anything*
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Excuse me, I have to go burn a bra.
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Have I friended you back? I don't even know. *scurries off to check*
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I sometimes wish I never signed up for an account there.
Every time you use that icon, I come closer to stealing it...
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Probably a good thing you didn't post it... but I kinda wish you had. That would have been very satisfying to watch.
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But it's good that I didn't over there, because I know Simon would have told me to drop it, and then the implication would have been that I was at fault as well. *sigh* Oh, well. I feel like my finally posted comment communicated my anger well enough.
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I also feel that this one is appropriate.
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Excuuuuuse me, but even if I ship someone that doesn't mean I'm a) stupid, b) not paying attention to the overall story arc, c) enjoy good writing.
And if a story pairs a character (as they all seem to do anyway, which is just CANON shipping) with someone completely incompatible/weird/nobasisforarelationship then how does that make me immature for thinking the writers are paying attention to their own storylines?
Argh. How annoying and presumptuous.
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THANK YOU.
*uses similar awesome-Zoe-kicking-ass icon*
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I'm not a shipper. You can tell by how I'm a heterosexual adult man. I just like a good story.
Please, please, please, please, please, mods, tell me you're not going to let all the patronizing sexism in that comment stand. Please.
Also, what on earth does your being straight have to do with anything at all? So being destructive and stupid is something only hysterical wimminz and gay guys do?
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Do you think we have enough fierce women in our icons to make our point?
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THERE CAN NEVER BE ENOUGH FIERCE WOMEN!
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...because he's being a douchebag?
Okay. Couldn't resist. He left himself open for it!
I like how he added "adult" in there, implying that shippers are being childish (as well as being irrational wimmenfolk). What a charmer. I'd like to play with him.
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YES.
I'd like you to "play" with him, too. Like Vamp!Willow and the Puppy.
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Cause, see, heterosexual adult males sit at the pinnacle of the pyramid of rationality (and intelligence and competence and...wait why is a women trying to explain this anyway? This is Man Work!).
*goes back to mindlessly squee over Spike's cheekbones*
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Ooooh! Cheekbones! *drools*
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WHY??? Why talk about something you know nothing about it and act like you're an authority who gets to pass judgment?
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And flail.
And cry some more.
Feminism should be common sense, people!
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Uhhhh. I need help responding to this. I just don't know what to say.
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I'd say sidestep the privilege argument (cause that could get into a tangent). But let him know that women's voices, to this day, still largely go unheard and dismissed. So, yes, when discussing issues involving women and feminism, it's kinda awesome for the men to step back and let women have the floor for once. In any group dynamic, men will tend to dominate the conversation (if he wants studies, I can probably find them). That's his fucking privilege, and he's not even aware of it. That's just "normal" to him. But for women? It means that we end up sitting and listening to guys talk all the time, but when we try to take up at least half of the conversation? We're perceived as taking it over completely.
So yeah, dude, STFU and let the chicks talk. Sheesh.
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Make it sound pretty, hon.
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Can I steal some of your words above? Quoting you?
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BEING TOLD YOU'RE A SECOND CLASS CITIZEN BECAUSE OF YOUR GENDER??? WELCOME TO BEING A WOMAN. WE FEEL LIKE THAT ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Oh, God. I don't know if I have the patience to do this for the rest of my life. So often I feel like I spend vast portions of my life doing Feminism 101 for people that I could spend being, you know, happy.
GAH!
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Why do men keep doing this to me????
UGH.
I've sent him Private Messages with that link btw. We'll see if he acknowledges them.
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Seriously. It's just like Buffy in Checkpoint realizing that they're bothered by the words woman and power in the same sentence.
Your words are powerful. They are scared of the way you're refusing to stay in the place the hegemony has assigned you to. That's the answer.
Do let me know how he responds to it.
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BUT, I also know that men are the numerical minority in LJ fandom. Not only that, but feminist thought and ideas are understood and mostly welcome (and, indeed, almost assumed in some parts).
So I have my little comfortable bubble where people are enlightened and thoughtful and egalitarian. When I step outside to take a peek around fandom-at-large, I get a bit of a shock cause it feels like I wandered into Boyztown.
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Not only that, but feminist thought and ideas are understood and mostly welcome (and, indeed, almost assumed in some parts).
So I have my little comfortable bubble where people are enlightened and thoughtful and egalitarian. When I step outside to take a peek around fandom-at-large, I get a bit of a shock cause it feels like I wandered into Boyztown.
EXACTLY. This is my reaction, too. The starting line is in a totally different place out there than it is in here.
I like it here.
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Send him here. Make it clear that by the definition of privilege, all men have male privilege.
I'll get back to you on other things!
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Well, it seems like we'll be speaking in separate rooms or something where I can still read his posts and his viewpoint and he won't acknowledge mine. :P
But hey! I'll still talk to you, King. I was just having a discussion about some comments on Whedonesque and how we're all agreeing with you for denouncing that "heterosexual adult male" =/= shipper argument. Lots of praise for that enlightened viewpoint. *thumbs up*
Oh, and this is privilege. It's something the individual has no control over. It exists because of societal views and of how society treats the individual. If the individual is male, then he's privileged. He's got the power and society acknowledges this by giving him his due. The individual doesn't live in a vacuum. If they live in society, they possess a degree of privilege. And in most of the world, that privilege is predominantly male privilege.
I'll add, I don't like being treated like a second-class citizen every day of my life.
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You have powerful words, and you're not afraid to use them. Guys (and some women) will try to shut you down because it's easier to ignore you than try to understand. That's their loss. Only thing you can do is keep talking wherever you can. They can cover their ears, but they can't silence your voice.
*fist-bump of solidarity and...um...sisterhood or somesuch nonsense*
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Well, since he's a heterosexual adult male, and so very straight and manly and sensible, I have no doubt he'll educate you on the error of your shipping, womanly, hysterical ways.
I can see it now: "All right, let's just calm down, lady. I wasn't attacking you, just expressing my opinion, and being the hysterical feminazi that you are, you blew it way out of proportion."
Then he'll throw in something about he's not sexist or homophobic, no doubt, and inform you his problem is with shipping.
Good for you for standing up to this.
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Also, your icon is PERFECT.
But thank goodness he hasn't appeared yet again.
Thanks, hon! *hugs*
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There is so much fail implicit in this guy's post. Even other heterosexual adult men are marginalized by this guy because they may be shippers. Good for him! Alienating even his own kind!
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There is so much fail implicit in this guy's post. Even other heterosexual adult men are marginalized by this guy because they may be shippers. Good for him! Alienating even his own kind!
YES.
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Where are my laser beam eyes when I need them?
I've stayed away from whedonesque today. Maybe I'll look tomorrow. But, I'm glad you called him on it.
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True. Story.
But at least I know where all this rage on "shippers as bad fans" comes from. I haz had a breakthrough, right here on your LJ!
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*dies*
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Ack, SO MUCH BUFFY LOVE RIGHT NOW.
*goes off to have epiphany*
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Thanks. I'm glad I said something, too.
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Huh. I'm a heterosexual adult man shaped person, I ship Spike/Buffy, and read fanfiction by the bucket loads. Should I feel insulted a bit too? This person is so....he's a guy I'd like to kick in the nuts. Stupid people, do stupid things.
Now I'm going to go to Pizza Hut and have my comfort food.
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*hugs you*
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Nonetheless, I have always known you are awesome. And this just solidifies it!
he's a guy I'd like to kick in the nuts. Stupid people, do stupid things.
WORD.
I hope you enjoyed your pizza! *is crazy about pizza*
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I very much enjoyed my pizza. :)
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Seriously, people. Of course all shippers are female (or gay), probably teenagers. It's just COMMON SENSE. Anything else is crazy talk.
And those damn wummins are destroying our
society! If they don't keep their placein the kitchennot saying any possible irrational and over emotional (AND NOT POSSIBLY JUST A PERFECTLY VALID PART OF FANDOM; OH NO) shippiness, then our whole system will collapse! Ohnoes!...Wow, rant. But seriously, fail.
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He's going to pull the oversensative card out and the "typical female" card out on you. And if he's stupid enough he might just mention your menstrual cycle. Because all females that ship are oversensative, highly emotional, stupidly flightly, bitchy and all the time on their period. Of course, he's figured us all out.
The point of fandom isn't for "us women" to to get overly hyped up about a situation we can't change, ti's about expressing our views on somethign we love, whatever that might be. We don't change only alter in a highly fashionable way. *giggles* We have fandom because it's the outlet the fandom doens't let us have. God, hsi observation is so fucking closeminded it makes me cringe.
*huffs*
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OH IF HE HAD MENTIONED MY PERIOD I WOULD HAVE CUT HIM.
The point of fandom isn't for "us women" to to get overly hyped up about a situation we can't change, ti's about expressing our views on somethign we love, whatever that might be. YES!
*huffs too*
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If he had mentioned your period, i think all of th efemale population would ahve cut him. With stakes. Burning the holy wate rhell out of him. *giggles*
I just noticed how ranty that post was.
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This motherfucker. The superiority and complete wrongness of that comment makes me want to smash things.
And lolol relationships, those pesky things, are often central to the story. CRY MOAR, DOUCHEBAG. /raaaaaage
Other than this fail heaped on you, how goes life, dear?
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It's okay. I'm feeling much better now that warm weather is here. But it's still pretty...just okay, you know? I have decided to actively start looking for a new job, though. Are you proud of me being active instead of passive?
How are things with you now that you finally found the syllabus? I'm sure you're kicking life's ass, right and left!
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I AM SO PROUD. And I wish you all the luck in the world in that department.
They're goooing. I am still crazy behind on all the stuff I have to read/work I have to read, but if I keep at it I'm sure it will all get done. I HOPE.
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Not intelligent, adult women too. Nope.
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*fumes*
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I just... Wow, I kind of love fail this epic.
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Sounds like it to me.
I know! How is it possible to be this blatant!
I'm also sort of amused that he never popped up again after I called him on it. 100 POINTS TO ME!
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*loves*
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You did good by telling him off. I think Simon was reasonable in simply telling the guy not to make statements like that, and move on, though the comment still remains on the board (which is a shame, and reflects poorly on the site).
I am happy that KingOfCretins immediately identified himself as a heterosexual male adult shipper afterwards.
I promised myself I would stay out of Whedonesque after this issue came up, because it is simply getting too crazy over there. That, and I am actually (don't hurt me) enjoying the comics, and want to stay away from the negativity, even the completely reasonable kind.
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Exactly. His disdain for anyone who isn't a straight, adult man is just jaw-dropping.
Thank you!
I think Simon was reasonable in simply telling the guy not to make statements like that, and move on, though the comment still remains on the board (which is a shame, and reflects poorly on the site).
Agreed on everything.
And yes, KingofCretins got some points from me.
I promised myself I would stay out of Whedonesque after this issue came up, because it is simply getting too crazy over there. That, and I am actually (don't hurt me) enjoying the comics, and want to stay away from the negativity, even the completely reasonable kind.
I think this was wise. And I wouldn't hurt you! It isn't for me, and I do think there are some issues with it, but I have no problem with you liking it.
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