so people are making 'this is what's up with me' posts so i thought i'd make one too?

[lirazel]

as usual, nothing all that exciting since Vienna, but we'll do it anyway (and I will endeavor to use capitals because this is not tumblr):

+ INFINITE CONCERT PENDING. OMG. It seems Jamie will not get to go with me (I can't talk about this because DESPAIR), so I'm thinking of the DC one? I just need to find someone to go with, to room with/sit with/sing-along-on-the-top-of-my-lungs with. Warning: if Woohyun and/or Dongwoo start crying, I will probably cry my eyes out too. So. You've been warned.

+ In case I haven’t talked to you since then, the Vienna trip was great. Nearly perfect except for the heat which was EXTREME and Europeans don’t know how to use air conditioning (they say they have it, but it doesn’t ever seem like they actually use it!) and also you can’t get a big glass of cold tap water anywhere + there are almost no water fountains anywhere so it was a very thirsty trip. But we had a great time, everything went smoothly, I was the tour guide and arranged EVERYTHING (which was partly stressful but also kind of awesome?) and the parents loved it, so I’m very happy.

+ The little sister is in Ecuador. For almost a year. I am living alone. I LOVE living alone (even though it enables my anti-social behavior in ways that probably aren't healthy), but I miss her a lot.

+ Working on a new novel. AGAIN. Because, no, I am not physically capable of just sticking to one. But I feel really good about this one? Let’s ignore that that’s often the case when I start a new one. I literally had a dream about it and woke up with it fully-formed in my head. Often when I dream, I find myself thinking, “This would be a great book,” but then I wake up and realize the dream made no sense. But this one actually did! Also in the dream the love interest was Sunggyu. I kid you not.

It’s set in a fantasy version of like…late 18th century/early 19th century Madagascar? And you would not believe how hard it is to get ahold of a book on Malagasy history. Our library is fantastic, but the only history books they have are either A) for children or B) natural history. I get that the place has all sorts of flora and fauna found nowhere else on earth and that’s awesome BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE?

Anyway. I’m really trying to work on it. I want to make it work. I do.

+ So fic is going on hold for a bit. I have signed up for an OT3 bigbang and also for Infinite’s secret santa (and I will for Yuletide), but honestly I think it’s time to put fic on the back burner for just a bit until I get some actual work done on the novel. It’s time for discipline.

+ I did a remix fic for kpop-ficmix and I AM SO HAPPY WITH IT. I can’t wait till it’s posted and writers are revealed and I can tell you about it.

+ The job keeps requiring people to work mandatory overtime, and I am SO GLAD I took the time to fill out my FMLA paperwork so I don’t have to do it too. The company just all-around sucks with the way it treats employees, and yet I can’t bring myself to find something else because I can’t find anything else I’m actually interested in or a place that lets me spend as much time writing/interneting as this one does.

+ On Saturday I had my mama come over and we did some serious overhaul cleaning. Like, went through all the clothes I had and I took like five garbage bags full to goodwill. Which sounds ridiculous and like I have massive amounts of clothes, but honestly I still had some stuff from high school. High school. It was just a matter of actually removing them from my home.

Also went through closets and things and organized. Still have some to do, but I'm feeling good about it. I have a tendency to drive everyone around me crazy with my clutter because I live so totally in my head that it doesn't bother me but it bothers everyone else. But getting rid of stuff feels good.

+ I really need to stop reading about polygamist Mormon cults, but y'all, I can't stop. At this point, I feel like I know more about the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints than any person should know. BUT I CAN'T STOP READING.

+ Also reading The Family by Jeff Sharlet and it keeps plunging me into despair re: fundamentalist Christians. Since I'm also a Christian I feel like it is my job to battle the fundamentalist ones but that is a lot for one person to take on. I need some perspective.

+ I haven't been good at actually watching things lately? Slooooowly watching I Hear Your Voice and weeping over Lee Jung Suk's everything. It's so good. But I only manage one episode every few days. I need to finish You're the Best Lee Soon Shin and watch the last episode of Monstar and start Master's Sun, but for some reason my attention span when it comes to TV is very short right now.

+ And I was thinking about kdramas and how they seem bent on giving me a schoolboy kink. Oh, let's put Sung Joon and Myungsoo in school uniforms. Let's put Lee Jung Suk and Kim Woo Bin in school uniforms. Let's put Seo In Guk and Hoya in school uniforms. WHAT NEXT? I am trying not to be a dirty old lady, but kdramas are making it really hard.

+ I...do not really go to church anymore because it's just too hard for me to go and yet never actually talk to anyone. I know I should, but I don't. However, I read progressive theology blogs like ALL THE TIME. I have zero interest in ever going into ministry, but man, I would love to go to seminary just so I could geek out about theology. Nothing more fun.

+ Oh, and I’ve been thinking and I want some advice.

I have never been able to find any kind of exercise/physical exertion that I actually enjoy. Every sport is loathsome to me both because I hate competition and because I am hopelessly clumsy and have no athletic ability. “Working out” seems like such a waste of time to me (I know it isn’t, but that’s what it feels like) and I can’t bring myself to pay to go somewhere. So I’ve been walking. Some. When it’s not too hot. But even that I don’t really like. (I do love taking nice leisurely walks or walks/hikes in places with beautiful views, but the former isn’t really good exercise and the latter isn’t really accessible).

The only thing movement-wise (I am so sedentary, it’s pathetic) that has ever appealed to me is dancing. And I grew up in a denomination that had a long-standing ban (unofficial, because nothing’s official in that denomination since there’s no central governing body) on dancing (also drinking, etc). By my generation, nobody much cares about that ban and it’s melted away, but the residual effects of it are that I grew up in a world devoid of dancing in real life (though I also grew up in a world saturated with movie musicals, so). No dancing even at weddings. (Part of this is because in the South--at least in the evangelical subculture, which is a significant part of the region--nobody used to have real receptions unless you were rich. Receptions have always been: cake, maybe some other desserts, everyone stands around and talks, then you send the bride and groom away with rice/bubbles/sparklers/whatever's the trend right now. No sit-down dinner, no drinking, no dancing. This is shifting quickly and is no longer the case, but I was literally in my twenties before I ever went to a wedding with a dinner, drinking or dancing. And the wedding was of a college friend from outside the South, so that explains it.)

ANYWAY. (I always overexplain things, it’s one of my worst habits.) I have always been really fascinated by dancing (all those musicals! Fred Astaire! Gene Kelly! West Side Story! Also: figure skating!), but have zero experience with it in any form.

But now I kind of want to do it. That’s how I want to get my exercise. And I want to do, like, kpop dancing. Which I guess is hiphop? I don’t know. There isn’t a dancing school to teach you how to do the “America” dance from West Side Story, so this is my second choice.

BUT. I am a very, very slow learner when it comes to anything kinesthetic. In school when we had to do like line dancing and folk dancing and stuff, it always took me twice as long to learn the steps than anyone else. And once I know them, I can do them, but I lag so far behind everyone that it was always miserable. So I don’t want to take a group class. I want to do private lessons. I think it’s the only way to do it.

But I’m having trouble A) finding someone to teach private lessons (they’d have to provide the space, too, since I don’t have any, as my duplex is TINY) and B) figuring out the expense thing. I mean, private lessons would have to be hella expensive, right? I’m okay money-wise (since I have no debt and I’m only supporting myself; my income would be painful if it weren’t for those two things), but I don’t know that I have enough? And I don’t know how to find someone I’d feel comfortable with? I want to work with a lady (a gay guy would be okay too, I guess, but it’s kind of rude to ask, “Are you gay?” to someone you don’t know. I would not feel comfortable alone with a guy who’s attracted to women) and someone who I get along with who knows what she’s doing and won’t think I’m embarrassingly terrible. But I just don’t know how to go about making it happen.

Does anybody have any suggestions? I don’t even know what suggestions I’m looking for, but I feel like I need some backup on this. This is like a huge thing for me. I’m a very self-conscious person, especially about anything involving my body (not in how it looks, necessarily, but in using it/moving it) and I know I’m going to be AWFUL at it at first, so the whole thing makes me feel all knotted up inside when I think about it, even though I really want to do it.

Gah. For someone who leads an incredibly quiet life, this got long. Kudos to you if you managed to make it through that, and I totally understand if you didn't!

Comments

[laeryn.livejournal.com]

(I'm not following the same order as in your post because I'm writing as I remember my thoughts HAHA).

I just finished The Best Lee Soon Shin! I've got... mixed feelings about the whole thing, but Soon Shin and Junho are one of my favorite kdrama couples ever from now on and now I'm back to watching What's up. I loved that drama when I started it (I watched 10 episodes in 3 days) but then I stopped for no reason (I think I made a trip or sth and never went back to it after that) and Jo Jung Suk is in it and yayayay. Also, the song Jung Suk sings for Lee Soon Shin's OST is now #3 in my most played songs. I REGRET NOTHING.

Dancing! I wanna try dancing this year too, but I don't know if I'll have the time + also a really really slow learner when it comes to physical things. It sucks. I think since one class is included in what I pay for my uni's gym and swimming pool, I'll try it and see how it goes. Dunno what type of dancing I'll do: I like hip hop but also funky-ish dancing (one of my bffs does that) but idk. Probs hip hop too, I think it also fits me better? I have no suggestions for you, sorry :/ but yay, I'm glad you're gonna try. Hope you tell us how it goes if you end up doing it for real :D

I think we Europeans don't use the air conditioning as often because 1) we're very used to this kind of heat and 2) it's expensive. Like, literally, I grew up in the South with NO air conditioning because it wasn't really a normal thing to have among middle class people there, so I can handle very high temperatures with no AC, which is GOOD because at least here AC is FUCKING EXPENSIVE, lmao. That's why here in Spain we try to use as little as we can. It also gives us an excuse to complain a lot, which we love to do, heh.

OMG GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR NOVEL :D One day you're gonna publish something and I'm gonna make you sign my copy of your book, I hope you know that :') I hope you make it work!

:( I still don't know if I'll go to Infinite's. Hope you enjoy it! ^_^

♥

[indiesnopp.livejournal.com]

I wish you could have seen my face when I read about the 'no dancing' thing I ALMOST BURST INTO TEARS AND MY CHEST STILL HURTS I CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE
I AM NOT GONNA MAKE FOOTLOOSE JOKES BECAUSE YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD THEM ALL ALREADY!

Oh, I wish I lived close because I would help you and teach you to dance in a heartbeat!

[pocochina.livejournal.com]

GIRL YES.

*re: West Side Story, you'd be surprised! I've been to a couple of studios that specifically offered musical theater dancing. It's probably not something you'd want to try unless/until you get more okay with the idea of classes, but it might be an option some day.

*I don't know where you'd go about finding a private teacher, I've never done that. Maybe the place to start would be smaller gyms or yoga studios? If they do personal training then they have the space for one-on-one time, and trainers start out with all kinds of specialties, there are probably a couple of dancers in there somewhere.

*My first impulse was to tell you to check out a couple of videos at home in the meantime, while you're getting used to the very basics of moving around for pleasure. They're meant to be done in your home, so you shouldn't need a whole lot of space. I would stay away from anything geared as a cardio workout, since (a) they go too fast for actual learning and (b) they tend to be EXTREMELY body-negative in a way I wouldn't want anyone exposed to, frankly.

Thinking about it, though, belly dancing might be the place to start? It can be done slowly, and because it tends to emphasize isolated movements, it'll help you get comfortable with basic steps. It's also one of the types of dance that's a pretty good core workout even with the things you'd do just starting out. I wouldn't recommend going into a class straight away, because I can see how that'd eat up one's social anxiety spoons, but there's some resources online. (I haven't had a chance to check this one out but it's not attached to any sketchy marketing or body-shaming, as far as I can tell.)

I will think and come back! I am very pro-dancing. This is awesome, I hope you find something that works for you.

[dreamsengraved.livejournal.com]

Long time ghost reader... I don't even use LJ except to stalk my favorite authors. ^_^ I think this is the first time I've ever commented on anyone's LJ, hehe!!

I'm going to try to go to the NYC concert instead, even though I'm from FL and DC is closer, but I'm very familiar with the NYC already. ^^ So, even though I may not be able to meet you, I will find it awesome that will be at the concerts together "in spirit"!!

Thank you for all your hard work in writing!! <3

[lovemeesome.livejournal.com]

Haha, oh god, air conditioning, i had no idea that they exist in other places than a car until two or three years ago! And even if you have them (see: my workplace) most of the time they do not work. 50% of this years summer i had to work with a broken air conditioning. We had some electronics technician coming the other day and they said they would fix it but nothing ever happened. Even the one of the mall does somehow not work properly. In the summer it's always too hot and in the winter it's horribly airless. It's so annoying! The worst definitely happened to the book store next to us: Their air con did not work for the WHOLE SUMMER. And this years summer was short but SO intense. OH AND DO NOT GET ME STARTED ABOUT AIR CONDITIONING IN BUSSES OR TRAINS! There were a few incidents about air cons in ICEs that broke and passagers passed out because of the heat. Also the busses here do not have air con (or at least i never drove with one who had it (but i take the bus a lot so i think they don't have it)) and what's even more ridiculous: Sometimes even the windows are locked! And the busses to Uni are so full and it's always sticky and horrible and i hate summer in Germany. I find it extremely hard to stay cool in my summer.

Btw i loved reading those! I love reading your thoughts and i always love it when you write about your culture and how you grew up. I once had a lecture at Uni called 'Moonlight and Magnolias: Literatures of the American South', sadly i could only be present for the first two sessions because of a other lecture but i found it very interesting. My lecturer is actually from Austria and in the first session she talked a bit about the accent and Gone with the Wind and why it's called 'Moonlight and Magnolias' and the second one was by a guest lecturer who told us a bit about the term 'rednecks' and the music of the South. I still have all the handouts and power points of the course.

AND about the dancing and sports: I have the same problem. I danced 'Gardetanze' (there is no english term for it sadly) as a child and some Jazz-dance when i was a teenager and played Volleyball (a GREAT sport! SO FUN!). Now i'd love to dance again but i don't have the time and need to stay flexible for my job. What i do is: I dance to videos. Youtube is great. And i teach myself K-POP dances, sometimes i dance with my sister (when she feels 'uncool' enough omg)I actually bought a mirror just for the dancing so that i can watch my movements. I also had several people recommanding me her: https://www.youtube.com/user/blogilates?feature=g-subs-u

(Oh yes, and hi! If you don't know it's me Kris! I created the account a few weeks ago because i wanted to comment un-anon on Hye Mi's Hosoo fic aaand because it want to write more fic comments.)

[spunspider.livejournal.com]

hello! i am not really here anymore but hi how are you? :3

look a thing relevant to both our interests:




that is the biggest grin i have ever seen. :*

[shamoogity.livejournal.com]

I don't have any advice, sorry. But I wish we lived in the same town because I am hopeless at dancing and hopeless at learning kinesthetic things and would totally love to do a dance class for uncoordinated people with you. I am lucky though, because here we have something called 'Dance Dance Party Party," which is for women only, inclusive of all body types and abilities, and involves just dancing to random playlists that people have made in whatever fashion you like. You're not even supposed to really interact much, so people who are self-conscious don't have to feel like anyone's watching them. I've only been once, but it's totally amazing.

I guess my only recommendation is to watch YouTube tutorials? And also maybe just have solo living room dance parties because you are lucky enough to live at home. I usually save my solo living room dance parties for when my boyfriend is out. Which happens very rarely, since he's super-introverted and works from home.

[bexisaplant.livejournal.com]

hihihi lauren omg when i got to the part about you starting dance, i shrieked a little and i'm going to share with my (probably unhelpful) advice. hehe. when i started dancing, it was omfgsoawkward because i was in a group and god i was so bad but i was short and near-sighed so i literally could not see anything if i was in the back so i had to force myself to the front (but to the side because the middle would probably give me a heart attack) and anyway SUPER EMBARRASSING but the thing is, you kinda realize after awhile that everyone's too busy paying attention to the teacher to really notice what you're doing so if expenses don't work out, i really do encourage a group class because while it can feel super embarrassing, in the end, people are usually super encouraging and supportive and sometimes it's nice to be surrounded by people who are trying and loving the same things you do :) but then again! i totally get the social anxiety thing too and if private classes work better go for it!!!

in my experience, it's a lot about the practiceee. i would say, definitely use a mirror if you can, especially when you're first starting. hip-hop can be a hard genre to start with though, just because it's a form of street-dancing so a lot of the moves are really like... smooth or sharp and are things that people grew up doing or just naturally have a flow for, especially since a lot of hip-hop ends up being improv but once you get the hang of it, it can be super fun! so i would say if you are starting with that sorta hip-hop-y dance, don't give up! it can definitely be challenging at first! and also, when you're doing actual choreography, it really helps if you know the song backwards and forwards and can notice the little beats and know all the lyrics and stuff because singing along is SO HELPFUL.

anyway!! i really hope it goes well for you!! and you get to do awesome kpop dances!! (i got to do taeyang's wedding dress, and sorta worked on be mine but then TIME CRUNCH. HEHEHE but in our show, there were 5 girls who did SHINee and some SNSD and i have a friend (in america) who did CHASER and BE MINE and PARADISE and i cried ;~;)

let us know how it goes!! IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU! dancing is so much fun :DD

[next_to_normal]

I have no interest in Infinite, but if you are coming to DC for the concert, we should hang out!

I have no advice on the dancing, but YAY I hope you find an instructor because that sounds like fun!

[gryfndor-godess.livejournal.com]

If you come to DC and have time around Infinite, I would LOVE to see you!!

And if you can't find someone to go/stay with, you're totally welcome to crash at my house (I'm fifteen minutes outside the city). I still live with my loud and eccentric family, but we do have a guest bedroom, and I don't think any relatives will be using it past Monday the 11th (assuming that the concert is November 13th, which is what some quick Googling told me). And actually, I'd go to the concert, too, if you needed someone. I don't have much interest in watching music videos, but I'd be up for live Infinite dancing.

And yay you-dancing! I hope you find something you enjoy.

[snickfic]

LAUREN. Hello! I was just thinking about you yesterday. <3 <3

Good luck with your dancing adventures! Just in case you think you might want to try something, er, slower first in your kinesthetic efforts, may I recommend yoga again. One of the nice things about it is that you're generally not on a time table, at least not nearly as much, especially for hatha yoga, which is my favorite. Basically, you work on getting into position, and then you work on staying in position. Since I am rhythmically challenged, this works very well for me. And yoga has been huge for me in learning to become more comfortable with my body and feel less self-conscious about it, because that's a big thing for me, too.

I think I totally missed that you were going to Vienna! Speaking of, I AM IN GERMANY RIGHT NOW. I am visiting a college friend, and soon we're going over to London for a few days and I will get to meet brutti_ma_buoni. SO EXCITING. (I haven't really seen anything yet, though; I spent yesterday getting over jet lag. But now I feel like a person!)

Plz to be reccing me your progressive theology blogs! Rachel Held Evans is a fav of mine, and I've been getting more interested in Peter Enns, but I welcome more recs. (I am not going to church right now either, partly for not-having-a-car reasons but also partly because I don't know how to find a church that won't try to save me from new more socially/theologically liberal ways but won't me freak me out by being way farther than I am on that spectrum.)

[ever-neutral.livejournal.com]

INFINITE ARE NOT COMING TO AUSTRALIA, LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

(Sad for you and J that you won’t get to go together tho. I VOLUNTEER MYSELF TBH.)

Congrats on the new novel idea!! The dream prompt is a magical thing. Best wishes with writing.

Also in the dream the love interest was Sunggyu. I kid you not.
S O B B I N G

And I was thinking about kdramas and how they seem bent on giving me a schoolboy kink.
TROLOLOLOLOLOL @ your life. Speaking of which, Zoe just told me I should watch School 2013. I assume you would endorse this too?

OMG YOU ARE GOING TO BE DOING CONTEMPORARY POP DANCING THIS IS SO EXCITING AND MY JAM (although I basically never dance anymore since high school). All I can say is that I endorse this fully and have faith in u. Keep on with your bad self. Oh, and I think I second the suggestion to check out videos maybe to start off with. OMG WHAT IF YOU LEARNED ALL OF INFINITE’S DANCES I WOULD SCREEEEEEAM. (I WISH WE ALL LIVED IN THE SAME PLACE SO WE COULD ALL DO IT TOGETHER O M G.)

[belecrivain.livejournal.com]

lady, posting under my real identity (so much as one can have such things on the Internet. ha) to say: IF YOU ARE GOING TO DC I AM GOING WITH YOU. I don't quite know how I'll swing it on this end -- I floated the idea of the husband going up for work and us taking his mom to watch the kids and making a family trip out of it -- but midweek it may be easier for me to just go on my own. I am justifying the cost by pointing to all the work I'm doing to help clear out my dad's house, which he would have to pay a significant amount of money to movers/packers. Or something. There's logic there somewhere.

Re dancing: I would suggest contra, but I think that would make you too self-conscious? (Contra, from my experience of it, is fairly forgiving, especially of newbies; what your feet do doesn't matter much so long as you get them from point A to point B at the right time. As opposed to Scottish country dancing, where your teachers will also care about pointy toes and jump style.) So I will say that Dance Dance Revolution was my primary form of exercise for several years. Every version I've played has a Training Mode and a no-fail Workout Mode, where you can program it to throw songs at you for a certain number of minutes. (Also re private tutors: maybe find classes you would be interested in, if you were interested in classes, and contact the teacher directly?)

also: HOORAY NOVEL IDEA!

[ladyofthelog.livejournal.com]

YAY YOU! It's good to hear an update! *loves*

[vergoldung.livejournal.com]

*twirls you*

Oh no, I'm sorry you suffered from the heat so much in Vienna! That was indeed one of the hottest time of that summer /o\ but LOL at your air conditioning rant because as much as I hate the heat (I HATE IT SO MUCH) air conditioning is really not my friend, like not. I mean I'm all for it in the jam-packed metro because otherwise we all die etc etc (note : not all the metros have AC and let's not even with the buses). But so not a fan of the violent air conditioning that some places practice. I'm really sensitive to temperature shocks and when there is like ten degrees (Celsius) difference and you have to go in and out of places I find myself being even weaker than the outside heat already makes me. Plus, then I get cold. And then I get sick (I don't ever get sick ok). But tbf France definitely isn't the hottest country around, so I might revise my position if I ever end up living in a place where the heat is unbearable for months (and not just a few days/weeks).

I can't wait for you fic remix! When will it be posted? If I miss it, I count on you to crosspost after the reveals, y? :)

YAY FOR ORIGINAL WORK PROJECT :DD I wish you all the faith and focus ♥

The dancing thing sounds like a great idea!!! I hope it works out for you :)

[phaedresgarden.livejournal.com]

I didn't read all the other comments cause there were so many and I've been an insomniac tonight and now about to crash so I apologize if someone already said this or something like it.

A long time ago I needed to take dance lessons and the way I ended up doing it was finding a high school student who had been a long time dance student, was still a dance student (and assistant instructor) but also was qualified to teach beginning dance.

The upside is, they may have access to the studio where they take their own lessons and the cost will probably be less than if you go to like... the owner of a dance studio and have them teach you especially privately.

The downside is, they may not be as patient as you might find with a more experienced instructor.

That's really all I've got right now. I think dance is a great idea for exercise. My other suggestion would be swimming. I find it hard however to find a pool where there's not a lot of people, it's summer it's hot etc, and I am very self conscious, anxious around other people.

Good luck in any case with finding a way to be more active.