lirazel: ([ib] a message for germany)
[personal profile] lirazel
as usual, nothing all that exciting since Vienna, but we'll do it anyway (and I will endeavor to use capitals because this is not tumblr):

+ INFINITE CONCERT PENDING. OMG. It seems Jamie will not get to go with me (I can't talk about this because DESPAIR), so I'm thinking of the DC one? I just need to find someone to go with, to room with/sit with/sing-along-on-the-top-of-my-lungs with. Warning: if Woohyun and/or Dongwoo start crying, I will probably cry my eyes out too. So. You've been warned.

+ In case I haven’t talked to you since then, the Vienna trip was great. Nearly perfect except for the heat which was EXTREME and Europeans don’t know how to use air conditioning (they say they have it, but it doesn’t ever seem like they actually use it!) and also you can’t get a big glass of cold tap water anywhere + there are almost no water fountains anywhere so it was a very thirsty trip. But we had a great time, everything went smoothly, I was the tour guide and arranged EVERYTHING (which was partly stressful but also kind of awesome?) and the parents loved it, so I’m very happy.

+ The little sister is in Ecuador. For almost a year. I am living alone. I LOVE living alone (even though it enables my anti-social behavior in ways that probably aren't healthy), but I miss her a lot.

+ Working on a new novel. AGAIN. Because, no, I am not physically capable of just sticking to one. But I feel really good about this one? Let’s ignore that that’s often the case when I start a new one. I literally had a dream about it and woke up with it fully-formed in my head. Often when I dream, I find myself thinking, “This would be a great book,” but then I wake up and realize the dream made no sense. But this one actually did! Also in the dream the love interest was Sunggyu. I kid you not.

It’s set in a fantasy version of like…late 18th century/early 19th century Madagascar? And you would not believe how hard it is to get ahold of a book on Malagasy history. Our library is fantastic, but the only history books they have are either A) for children or B) natural history. I get that the place has all sorts of flora and fauna found nowhere else on earth and that’s awesome BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE?

Anyway. I’m really trying to work on it. I want to make it work. I do.

+ So fic is going on hold for a bit. I have signed up for an OT3 bigbang and also for Infinite’s secret santa (and I will for Yuletide), but honestly I think it’s time to put fic on the back burner for just a bit until I get some actual work done on the novel. It’s time for discipline.

+ I did a remix fic for kpop-ficmix and I AM SO HAPPY WITH IT. I can’t wait till it’s posted and writers are revealed and I can tell you about it.

+ The job keeps requiring people to work mandatory overtime, and I am SO GLAD I took the time to fill out my FMLA paperwork so I don’t have to do it too. The company just all-around sucks with the way it treats employees, and yet I can’t bring myself to find something else because I can’t find anything else I’m actually interested in or a place that lets me spend as much time writing/interneting as this one does.

+ On Saturday I had my mama come over and we did some serious overhaul cleaning. Like, went through all the clothes I had and I took like five garbage bags full to goodwill. Which sounds ridiculous and like I have massive amounts of clothes, but honestly I still had some stuff from high school. High school. It was just a matter of actually removing them from my home.

Also went through closets and things and organized. Still have some to do, but I'm feeling good about it. I have a tendency to drive everyone around me crazy with my clutter because I live so totally in my head that it doesn't bother me but it bothers everyone else. But getting rid of stuff feels good.

+ I really need to stop reading about polygamist Mormon cults, but y'all, I can't stop. At this point, I feel like I know more about the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints than any person should know. BUT I CAN'T STOP READING.

+ Also reading The Family by Jeff Sharlet and it keeps plunging me into despair re: fundamentalist Christians. Since I'm also a Christian I feel like it is my job to battle the fundamentalist ones but that is a lot for one person to take on. I need some perspective.

+ I haven't been good at actually watching things lately? Slooooowly watching I Hear Your Voice and weeping over Lee Jung Suk's everything. It's so good. But I only manage one episode every few days. I need to finish You're the Best Lee Soon Shin and watch the last episode of Monstar and start Master's Sun, but for some reason my attention span when it comes to TV is very short right now.

+ And I was thinking about kdramas and how they seem bent on giving me a schoolboy kink. Oh, let's put Sung Joon and Myungsoo in school uniforms. Let's put Lee Jung Suk and Kim Woo Bin in school uniforms. Let's put Seo In Guk and Hoya in school uniforms. WHAT NEXT? I am trying not to be a dirty old lady, but kdramas are making it really hard.

+ not really go to church anymore because it's just too hard for me to go and yet never actually talk to anyone. I know I should, but I don't. However, I read progressive theology blogs like ALL THE TIME. I have zero interest in ever going into ministry, but man, I would love to go to seminary just so I could geek out about theology. Nothing more fun.

+ Oh, and I’ve been thinking and I want some advice.

I have never been able to find any kind of exercise/physical exertion that I actually enjoy. Every sport is loathsome to me both because I hate competition and because I am hopelessly clumsy and have no athletic ability. “Working out” seems like such a waste of time to me (I know it isn’t, but that’s what it feels like) and I can’t bring myself to pay to go somewhere. So I’ve been walking. Some. When it’s not too hot. But even that I don’t really like. (I do love taking nice leisurely walks or walks/hikes in places with beautiful views, but the former isn’t really good exercise and the latter isn’t really accessible).

The only thing movement-wise (I am so sedentary, it’s pathetic) that has ever appealed to me is dancing. And I grew up in a denomination that had a long-standing ban (unofficial, because nothing’s official in that denomination since there’s no central governing body) on dancing (also drinking, etc). By my generation, nobody much cares about that ban and it’s melted away, but the residual effects of it are that I grew up in a world devoid of dancing in real life (though I also grew up in a world saturated with movie musicals, so). No dancing even at weddings. (Part of this is because in the South--at least in the evangelical subculture, which is a significant part of the region--nobody used to have real receptions unless you were rich. Receptions have always been: cake, maybe some other desserts, everyone stands around and talks, then you send the bride and groom away with rice/bubbles/sparklers/whatever's the trend right now. No sit-down dinner, no drinking, no dancing. This is shifting quickly and is no longer the case, but I was literally in my twenties before I ever went to a wedding with a dinner, drinking or dancing. And the wedding was of a college friend from outside the South, so that explains it.)

ANYWAY. (I always overexplain things, it’s one of my worst habits.) I have always been really fascinated by dancing (all those musicals! Fred Astaire! Gene Kelly! West Side Story! Also: figure skating!), but have zero experience with it in any form.

But now I kind of want to do it. That’s how I want to get my exercise. And I want to do, like, kpop dancing. Which I guess is hiphop? I don’t know. There isn’t a dancing school to teach you how to do the “America” dance from West Side Story, so this is my second choice.

BUT. I am a very, very slow learner when it comes to anything kinesthetic. In school when we had to do like line dancing and folk dancing and stuff, it always took me twice as long to learn the steps than anyone else. And once I know them, I can do them, but I lag so far behind everyone that it was always miserable. So I don’t want to take a group class. I want to do private lessons. I think it’s the only way to do it.

But I’m having trouble A) finding someone to teach private lessons (they’d have to provide the space, too, since I don’t have any, as my duplex is TINY) and B) figuring out the expense thing. I mean, private lessons would have to be hella expensive, right? I’m okay money-wise (since I have no debt and I’m only supporting myself; my income would be painful if it weren’t for those two things), but I don’t know that I have enough? And I don’t know how to find someone I’d feel comfortable with? I want to work with a lady (a gay guy would be okay too, I guess, but it’s kind of rude to ask, “Are you gay?” to someone you don’t know. I would not feel comfortable alone with a guy who’s attracted to women) and someone who I get along with who knows what she’s doing and won’t think I’m embarrassingly terrible. But I just don’t know how to go about making it happen.

Does anybody have any suggestions? I don’t even know what suggestions I’m looking for, but I feel like I need some backup on this. This is like a huge thing for me. I’m a very self-conscious person, especially about anything involving my body (not in how it looks, necessarily, but in using it/moving it) and I know I’m going to be AWFUL at it at first, so the whole thing makes me feel all knotted up inside when I think about it, even though I really want to do it.

Gah. For someone who leads an incredibly quiet life, this got long. Kudos to you if you managed to make it through that, and I totally understand if you didn't!
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