lirazel | bleck

Current Mood: frustrated

Entry tags:

bleck

you know what i really hate?

i've recently bought a bunch of new dresses because i desperately needed summer clothes. and they are all super cute and i love them. except that all of them will show my brastraps unless i wear a strapless bra with them.

and strapless bras are REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. they start out fine but after about two hours they just hurt.

and part of me just wishes i didn't have to wear a bra with them at all. but most of the dresses wouldn't 'fit' right if i didn't or people would be able to tell i'm not wearing one and that is a big no-no.

but the thing is...i do not need to wear bras. some women need them because they make them more comfortable because support and i am glad they can get that support if they need it. but i am very small-breasted and literally the only reason i need to wear bras is because a) societal expectations and b) clothes don't fit right if i don't.

it's all just very frustrating to me, having to wear them. and they're expensive. and even if i wear ones with straps that are much more comfortable, the straps don't stay on my shoulders because i have MICROSCOPIC shoulders so they're always sliding down, which is especially annoying when i'm wearing long sleeves and i can FEEL them sliding down my arms. first thing i do when i get home after taking off my shoes is take of my bra.

i just resent that this is a part of beauty culture that i can't opt out of. i am all for women embracing any part of beauty culture they want and rejecting any part they don't want. i reject a lot of it. i only shave my legs when i feel like it. i don't wear make up 85% of the time (and even when i do it's lipstick and maaaaybe some mascara on special occasions). i refuse to wear heels. i'm fortunate enough that my hair doesn't require much upkeep beyond keeping it washed and cut. i am quite feminine and like to wear dresses and big earrings, but the vast majority of the way i perform that femininity does not require any pain or much effort on my part. buying clothes is always a battle and i hate it, but it's a once-every-bunch-of-months thing, not a day-to-day thing.

BUT THEN THERE ARE BRAS. AND I JUST REALLY HATE THEM. and yet it's completely socially unacceptable for me to not wear them, but it's also completely socially unacceptable for my brastraps to be showing (it's on the dress code for my job--'no visible undergarments' which i get when it comes to, like, no one wanting to see your thong, but my life would be so much easier if i could wear things with my brastraps showing because bras with straps, while still terribly annoying, are much more comfortable than strapless ones).

and i've bought a bandeau bra and i love the way it feels BUT a) i can tell i'm going to have to get new ones regularly because it gets stretched out pretty quickly which sucks and b) i have totally bought into the whole 'your clothes don't look right if you don't have a real bra on' thing and i can't get out of that mindset. like i put on the bandeau bra underneath my dresses and they LOOK WRONG. the bandeau protects me from nipples showing (which i think is all a bra should really be required to do), but that's all it does. it doesn't shape my boobs so they look the way they 'should' in my clothes. and i care about that! even if i don't want to! i feel self-conscious when i wear it with most things because i can tell it looks like i don't have a bra on.

UGH THE WHOLE THING IS SO FRUSTRATING I REALLY HATE BRAS. and i perpetually resent how much easier the world makes it for men to present themselves.

this has been a whiny post of whininess.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

THIS IS RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS! OMG I NEED TO WHINE SO I'M ABOUT TO WHINE AT YOU!

Because I ~hate bras so so so much.

I've been wearing only sports bras for several years now. No clue what my size even is.

Which has never mattered. The nice thing about sports bras - is that they can poke out and just look like a cami or undershirt - no one can tell the difference OR CARE. (Lovely things sports bras.)

But recently, my breasts have been aching. (This is the only word I know.) Just sort of oddly sore like they've never really been before unless I was wearing something too tight.

Which may mean that I legit need a "real" bra. I'm so mad about this I could scream. Bras are uncomfortable. E - I totes get the appeal because they are GORGEOUS, and I'm extremely feminine - but only if I'm extremely comfortable. Which means - leggings under skirts and sports bras and shoes with grips and arch support and everything feels like pj's if I can help it.

I hate my boobs - someone else can have them.

Ugh, I'm so sorry. That sucks.

Have you ever considered binding? I have a few friends who LOVE it. Probably now isn't the best time for you because of how sore they are at the moment, but if that works itself out, you might think about it? IDK that may not be a thing you'd ever think of, but it works for some people.

I totally don't mind my boobs. It's entirely the bras that drive me crazy. When I don't have them on I'm FINE. But maybe it's because mine are small?

There are, for lack of a better term, silicone headlight hiders. I have a pair that got a lot of use when I was nursing and bras were too much of a pain.

haha - typically I don't hate mine. It's mostly the maintenance (aka- bras) that bothers me.

((Also most of my family has been ~jealous of them and so all I've ever gotten is nasty remarks about mine. Which are a B-cup, not even really that large - especially for how WIDE my hips are ~~and ridiculously oversized my butt is I mean really it is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen~~ - so I've never really thought about them much except to try NOT to think about them until recently.))

I know I should probably just re-adjust into bras. I like having them because my pear-shape needs them. My body is exactly the shape it should be. It's just ... UGH. There's no other part of the body that requires uncomfortable gear just to exist. It's stupid.

Usually the sports bras treat me very well and I don't even have to think about them - they just ARE and it's nice. Now something is wrong and I'm uncomfortable. It's terribly unpleasant.

Also - what if you wore bras with a clear strap to work? Would that still count against you? That way, you could still wear a bra - and it wouldn't be seen necessarily?

Or - bb - if they really are that small, why not just try out not wearing one outside every once in a while and letting yourself get used to the idea/look? Like - "I'm going to the grocery store sans bra in a cute top and who cares?" Just an hour or so out and about and maybe you'll stop feeling so uncomfortable about the idea? Because honestly, it shouldn't matter.

#the system is defective

I honestly might have to resort to that, if I can get myself to deal with the clothes not looking right thing.

Ah, okay, we're on the same page--maintenance SUCKS.

It's so strange how people react to theirs and other people's. My sister has a complex because she thinks hers are too small, but honestly, they're really quite proportional? IDK. I've never had feelings about mine either way size-wise except to be glad that I don't have to deal with back aches and things like some of my larger-chested friends. I hate that people say that stuff to you, though.

I am also pear-shaped! I use to be shaped like a toothpick but low and behold I now have hips! Still no butt, but being sans shoulders, I am much wider on bottom than I am on top.

There's no other part of the body that requires uncomfortable gear just to exist

AMEN!!!!!!!

Maybe you should talk to a doctor about your pain? It could be nothing, but it could be something?

what if you wore bras with a clear strap to work? Would that still count against you?

I'm not sure. The clear straps are so shiny, you know? You can usually see them, but I have no idea whether that would count or not here.

I do have a few dresses that have like built-in padding on the top and when I wear those, I never wear a bra. But I need to get more used to the idea of not wearing them with other things....

Also did you watch this video? Because it made me laugh a lot!

and yet it's completely socially unacceptable for me to not wear them, but it's also completely socially unacceptable for my brastraps to be showing

wow, this is... curious to me because it's not my experience at all. My brastraps show ALL the time. Hell, some of the clothes I wear reveal a big part of my bra on the sides (when I'm wearing shirts like the gray one but the version where it shows a little less so you can wear it without anything underneath and it'll show just the side of the bra + some skin). It's like, super normal and super accepted here? You make sure that you're wearing a bra with nice straps most of the time (instead of, say, skin-colored ones, but those are mostly used by older women nowadays), but that's okay with me because I actually LOVE bras and LOVE LINGERIE and I could spend my salary on them, so most of my bras are either super cute or pretty sexy (I'm Hoya here -- all for the sexy). Nobody would tell you anything about your bra showing, unless idk you're wearing one of those dresses that have no straps itselves (but for me that is a case of: the whole point of the dress is showing all of your shoulders and cleavage, why would you put something there? imo, as I said). The fact that it's completely socially unacceptable that your brastraps show sounds super weird to me! Comes to show how different things are in different places, huh.

Re: not wearing bra, I think it's less common here. Brastraps showing? Every woman walking down the street (exaggeration but you get my point). Not wearing bra? Not so common, but idt it's looked down upon/frown upon? I've seen quite an amount of women not wearing bra. And I've seen some get blacklash for it, usually women that have BIG breasts and wear no bra. Which is totally their right by the way. But when a girl with little breasts/well put breasts does it there's usually a feeling of "whatever, her choice" or "oh lucky girl I wear I'd had those instead of these", lol. So yeah, it's not totally looked down amongst young people, although I'm pretty sure it's not something you'd do to go to your job, tbh. THAT may be a problem and in general, as I said, it's quite less common.

This is, of course, all based on my own experience, so others' might be different? But yeah, brastraps are generally okay here unless you're wearing the grandma kind of bra or you're from the Royal family lmfao, but in all honesty then it becomes just about finding a way of attacking/criticizing famous people and I AM RAMBLING NOW.

Anyways, it sucks for you :( I like bras. I am super uncomfortable if I don't wear them and wearing them makes me feel confident too (I do not like my breasts, tbh? They're like FALLING and I AM TWENTY TWO COME BACK UP HERE NOW // tmi). I love lingerie too sooooo I don't think I'd ever stop wearing them, lol, but it really sucks that people who find it uncomfortable have to wear them just because. Same with shaving and everything else. If you don't want, you shouldn't have to! ARG!

Edited 2013-07-02 16:22 (UTC)

They should allow clear straps! And the good thing about them is that you should be able to buy them separately, and simply wear them with bras that you already own.

Another trick: you should be able to wear just one strap as a halterneck. See if this works with some of your shirts. Also, there are special clasps you use to pin your straps together and hold them closer to your spine.

Kelsey, I'm so sorry about your bra woes! Can I help?

I will definitely try the clear straps things.

. Also, there are special clasps you use to pin your straps together and hold them closer to your spine.

I have some of these and they work well when I'm wearing regular shirts with sleeves, but the straps tend to be pulled tight enough that they show inside my collar on some things. And they don't work with all those spaghetti-strap dresses I have. But maybe I need to find a clasp that doesn't pull it so tight?

Yeah, they won't do for spaghetti-strap dresses.

I'm thinking about how to get you a comfortable strapless. Judging by your pictures, you're tiny enough that your strapless doesn't have to be much different from a normal bra. What's wrong with the strapless you have?

Yeah, it's a cultural thing. It's totally inappropriate at work for any kind of underwear to be showing. Walking around on the street it matters less, but my mama would be HORRIFIED if she saw me. She freaks out if she can tell I'm not wearing a slip. And if I didn't wear a bra at all, I would TOTALLY get judgmental stares from people on the street. And at work I'd be asked to put one on, I know that.

I don't have any 'cute' bras because I can't find any that actually do anything that are cute and comfortable and also not too expensive. The ones I can afford don't seem to do anything but look cute--they don't actually provide any support or anything at all, so you might as well not be wearing one (also lace ITCHES--I have sensitive skin, so any kind of decoration tends to itch). Plus, no one's ever going to see my bras but me so I don't really feel any reason to wear cute ones; I'd rather wear comfortable ones. Most of mine are flesh-colored because I don't want them to show through thinner/lighter clothing, and I can't reconcile spending lots of money on other colored ones when I can just wear the flesh-colored ones under anything.

But it must be nice living in a place where you can wear them visible/not wear one at all. *wistful sigh*

I would LOVE a comfortable strapless one.

In order to get it to stay up and not ride down (I hate having to be reaching down under my dress to pull up a bra all the time), it has to be tight enough that after about an hour or two it starts digging into on the sides and around the bottom. The cups themselves are great, but the rest of it is really uncomfortable. I take it off and it leaves deep grooves. I hate it a lot.

Frustrating! The big fuss about bra straps is one of those microaggressions that just chaps my ass every time. HIDE YOUR GROSS WOMANITY AND BE QUIET ABOUT IT. Especially since yeah, bras are far from necessary.

(You might have more options than a strapless for anything other than a strapless dress? I don't want to be all HERE IS A TON OF UNSOLICITED ADVICE but I know most of the tricks if you want, lol.)

Yes, the fact that we're expected to wear them but that they can never be showing but if you wear things that cover up TOO much you're a giant prude and people will make Amish jokes...it's like the whole 'you have to wear makeup to make your face flawless but you can't LOOK like you're wearing makeup!' except even worse because your boss won't tell you to wear makeup (most of the time) but they absolutely will tell you not to have your brastraps showing.

I have a bunch of spaghetti sprap dresses that I LOVE, but they're the ones that are most of the problem. I can't wear strapless dresses, really because they all end up riding down. But yeah, if you know any tricks, please do share!

Strapless bras have sticky silicone under the band so that the bra stays in place; maybe that's what's hurting you? I'd try a slightly padded bra that's not supposed to be strapless, and wearing it as a strapless. With your size, you should get away with it. Just pay attention that it's not too loose. What back size do you wear, if I may ask?

Oh, here they are all about the same price if you've got one of the usual sizes. Around 15€ (it's a bit less in $ I think?) all of them, flesh colored, cute or sexy. I do not wear lace, though, for the most part, because I am not a fan. Just nice designs/patterns. BUT I wanted to clarify that I don't wear nice or sexy bras because anyone is going to see them (nobody is going to, anyways, because I haven't dated anyone in three years so: impossible, lol), but because I like them and I like to know I am wearing them. I don't choose my lingerie for others, but for me, just like all of my socks are super cute in spite of the fact that nobody's going to see them.

Bras showing through lighter clothing isn't a problem here either, actually D:

Oh my god, as much as I enjoy the idea of pretty bras, I hate them in actuality, mine is chafing me RIGHT NOW. And tbqh, in a country as culturally conservative as mine, even talking about this would be unacceptable. But yeah, since I live/grew up in in the metropolitan part, it's generally acceptable that in college, at least, bra-straps can show a little (except they don't, because mostly nobody wears dresses etc., because this country, not to mention how much you get stared at, and how uncomfortable everything is, if you're dressed even a little sexy. It's absolutely horrible. I'm pretty sure my city is one of the 4 or 5 where girls even dare to wear shorts). But yeah, in a workplace, it'd be like NOPE, YOU'RE FIRED.

Edited 2013-07-02 16:55 (UTC)

Yeah, that's part of it, and also the one I have that fits great otherwise has a ridge on each side as well (right under my arms) that I think has a wire under the silicone and those always end up digging into my sides unpleasantly.

I'd try a slightly padded bra that's not supposed to be strapless, and wearing it as a strapless.

But how would it stay in place? Every strapless bra I've had that isn't so tight that it ends up hurting always ends up slipping down and down and I have to keep jerking it back up. I just can't imagine what would be holding it up!

Well, according to the lady who sized me, I am 30D (which blew my mind because I'd never considered anything other than an A-cup since I'm so small). This is a very hard size to find, though, so my options are kind of limited. (I actually just went to the bathroom and took off mine so I could see what size this one is.) The one I'm wearing now is the strapless one and it's a 30D, but I know that sometimes I have to wear like 32B/34As because they don't have 30Ds at many places.

Oh, see here bras are expensive if you want well-made ones (you can get cheap ones at Target or whatever, but they're not nearly as nice as the good ones) and if you want one that's not basic nude/white/black you have to pay more. Plus, I don't have a normal-range size, so it's really hard for me to find cute ones.

And oh, sure! I know lots of ladies who wear cute lingerie for them! I just don't do it myself.

Bras showing through lighter clothing isn't a problem here either, actually

THAT WOULD BE AMAZING I'M JEALOUS.

Yes, I know! I like to look at pretty bras! But either they're too expensive or they don't actually provide support so what's the poitn of wearing them or they are uncomfortable! BRAS SUCK.

Do you mind if I ask where you live? It's totally fine if you don't want to say, but I'm always curious about where people come from.

ha, it looks like M beat me to the clear straps suggestion! But I think you might be best off with a bra that's marketed as a "convertible" and not a strapless? Because the strapless ones will always be super-tight whether you attach the straps or not. There are bras that are meant to be worn with straps, but what straps you use and how they're attached can change. It'll look like this one.

That might be a good one for everyday for you, too? A lot of people with narrower shoulders like the racerback style, where the straps make an X at the back so they can't slip down.

Damn, that sucks! I would hate it :( the super expensive here are the ones for big, big sizes. They do have problems finding them. My friend R has A SUPER BIG SIZE (level: her back hurts) and they are indeed super expensive.

HAHA. I mean, you wouldn't be showing the bra if you were going to a trial or a job interview BUT out in the streets on your daily life? Pretty okay. And at night it's really common. The trend this season are semi-transparent backs in the t-shirts, so you can imagine. It can be considered really sexy too. (While when I was a kid it was "tasteless". Things change super fast). I actually like it because I can show off my great taste in lingerie, tsk.

If your strapless is 30D and it fits, you can try a 28E slightly padded bra. I know it sounds stupid that a 28 would be less constricting than a 30, but here is why:

The way bra sizes are calculated is a bit dumb. It tells you how long the band is when it's lying flat on a table. Except when you put a bra on your body, it stretches: fabric much more than silicone. So when you wear a normal 28E bra, it's on average as tight as a 30D strapless. It should stay in place, but it's made of softer fabric, so it shouldn't hurt you the way those damned silicone straps under the band do. I'm not saying it'll work 100%, but I'd give it a shot next time you're in the fitting room.

As for the wire (it might also be plastic?) under the silicone: cut it out. You don't need it. It's sometimes useful for extra support in bigger sizes, but in a 30D, it makes no sense.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 3

bleck

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject