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you know what i really hate?
i've recently bought a bunch of new dresses because i desperately needed summer clothes. and they are all super cute and i love them. except that all of them will show my brastraps unless i wear a strapless bra with them.
and strapless bras are REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. they start out fine but after about two hours they just hurt.
and part of me just wishes i didn't have to wear a bra with them at all. but most of the dresses wouldn't 'fit' right if i didn't or people would be able to tell i'm not wearing one and that is a big no-no.
but the thing is...i do not need to wear bras. some women need them because they make them more comfortable because support and i am glad they can get that support if they need it. but i am very small-breasted and literally the only reason i need to wear bras is because a) societal expectations and b) clothes don't fit right if i don't.
it's all just very frustrating to me, having to wear them. and they're expensive. and even if i wear ones with straps that are much more comfortable, the straps don't stay on my shoulders because i have MICROSCOPIC shoulders so they're always sliding down, which is especially annoying when i'm wearing long sleeves and i can FEEL them sliding down my arms. first thing i do when i get home after taking off my shoes is take of my bra.
i just resent that this is a part of beauty culture that i can't opt out of. i am all for women embracing any part of beauty culture they want and rejecting any part they don't want. i reject a lot of it. i only shave my legs when i feel like it. i don't wear make up 85% of the time (and even when i do it's lipstick and maaaaybe some mascara on special occasions). i refuse to wear heels. i'm fortunate enough that my hair doesn't require much upkeep beyond keeping it washed and cut. i am quite feminine and like to wear dresses and big earrings, but the vast majority of the way i perform that femininity does not require any pain or much effort on my part. buying clothes is always a battle and i hate it, but it's a once-every-bunch-of-months thing, not a day-to-day thing.
BUT THEN THERE ARE BRAS. AND I JUST REALLY HATE THEM. and yet it's completely socially unacceptable for me to not wear them, but it's also completely socially unacceptable for my brastraps to be showing (it's on the dress code for my job--'no visible undergarments' which i get when it comes to, like, no one wanting to see your thong, but my life would be so much easier if i could wear things with my brastraps showing because bras with straps, while still terribly annoying, are much more comfortable than strapless ones).
and i've bought a bandeau bra and i love the way it feels BUT a) i can tell i'm going to have to get new ones regularly because it gets stretched out pretty quickly which sucks and b) i have totally bought into the whole 'your clothes don't look right if you don't have a real bra on' thing and i can't get out of that mindset. like i put on the bandeau bra underneath my dresses and they LOOK WRONG. the bandeau protects me from nipples showing (which i think is all a bra should really be required to do), but that's all it does. it doesn't shape my boobs so they look the way they 'should' in my clothes. and i care about that! even if i don't want to! i feel self-conscious when i wear it with most things because i can tell it looks like i don't have a bra on.
UGH THE WHOLE THING IS SO FRUSTRATING I REALLY HATE BRAS. and i perpetually resent how much easier the world makes it for men to present themselves.
this has been a whiny post of whininess.
i've recently bought a bunch of new dresses because i desperately needed summer clothes. and they are all super cute and i love them. except that all of them will show my brastraps unless i wear a strapless bra with them.
and strapless bras are REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. they start out fine but after about two hours they just hurt.
and part of me just wishes i didn't have to wear a bra with them at all. but most of the dresses wouldn't 'fit' right if i didn't or people would be able to tell i'm not wearing one and that is a big no-no.
but the thing is...i do not need to wear bras. some women need them because they make them more comfortable because support and i am glad they can get that support if they need it. but i am very small-breasted and literally the only reason i need to wear bras is because a) societal expectations and b) clothes don't fit right if i don't.
it's all just very frustrating to me, having to wear them. and they're expensive. and even if i wear ones with straps that are much more comfortable, the straps don't stay on my shoulders because i have MICROSCOPIC shoulders so they're always sliding down, which is especially annoying when i'm wearing long sleeves and i can FEEL them sliding down my arms. first thing i do when i get home after taking off my shoes is take of my bra.
i just resent that this is a part of beauty culture that i can't opt out of. i am all for women embracing any part of beauty culture they want and rejecting any part they don't want. i reject a lot of it. i only shave my legs when i feel like it. i don't wear make up 85% of the time (and even when i do it's lipstick and maaaaybe some mascara on special occasions). i refuse to wear heels. i'm fortunate enough that my hair doesn't require much upkeep beyond keeping it washed and cut. i am quite feminine and like to wear dresses and big earrings, but the vast majority of the way i perform that femininity does not require any pain or much effort on my part. buying clothes is always a battle and i hate it, but it's a once-every-bunch-of-months thing, not a day-to-day thing.
BUT THEN THERE ARE BRAS. AND I JUST REALLY HATE THEM. and yet it's completely socially unacceptable for me to not wear them, but it's also completely socially unacceptable for my brastraps to be showing (it's on the dress code for my job--'no visible undergarments' which i get when it comes to, like, no one wanting to see your thong, but my life would be so much easier if i could wear things with my brastraps showing because bras with straps, while still terribly annoying, are much more comfortable than strapless ones).
and i've bought a bandeau bra and i love the way it feels BUT a) i can tell i'm going to have to get new ones regularly because it gets stretched out pretty quickly which sucks and b) i have totally bought into the whole 'your clothes don't look right if you don't have a real bra on' thing and i can't get out of that mindset. like i put on the bandeau bra underneath my dresses and they LOOK WRONG. the bandeau protects me from nipples showing (which i think is all a bra should really be required to do), but that's all it does. it doesn't shape my boobs so they look the way they 'should' in my clothes. and i care about that! even if i don't want to! i feel self-conscious when i wear it with most things because i can tell it looks like i don't have a bra on.
UGH THE WHOLE THING IS SO FRUSTRATING I REALLY HATE BRAS. and i perpetually resent how much easier the world makes it for men to present themselves.
this has been a whiny post of whininess.
no subject
In order to get it to stay up and not ride down (I hate having to be reaching down under my dress to pull up a bra all the time), it has to be tight enough that after about an hour or two it starts digging into on the sides and around the bottom. The cups themselves are great, but the rest of it is really uncomfortable. I take it off and it leaves deep grooves. I hate it a lot.
no subject
no subject
I'd try a slightly padded bra that's not supposed to be strapless, and wearing it as a strapless.
But how would it stay in place? Every strapless bra I've had that isn't so tight that it ends up hurting always ends up slipping down and down and I have to keep jerking it back up. I just can't imagine what would be holding it up!
Well, according to the lady who sized me, I am 30D (which blew my mind because I'd never considered anything other than an A-cup since I'm so small). This is a very hard size to find, though, so my options are kind of limited. (I actually just went to the bathroom and took off mine so I could see what size this one is.) The one I'm wearing now is the strapless one and it's a 30D, but I know that sometimes I have to wear like 32B/34As because they don't have 30Ds at many places.
no subject
The way bra sizes are calculated is a bit dumb. It tells you how long the band is when it's lying flat on a table. Except when you put a bra on your body, it stretches: fabric much more than silicone. So when you wear a normal 28E bra, it's on average as tight as a 30D strapless. It should stay in place, but it's made of softer fabric, so it shouldn't hurt you the way those damned silicone straps under the band do. I'm not saying it'll work 100%, but I'd give it a shot next time you're in the fitting room.
As for the wire (it might also be plastic?) under the silicone: cut it out. You don't need it. It's sometimes useful for extra support in bigger sizes, but in a 30D, it makes no sense.
no subject
I think it's plastic, but I'm not sure I could get it out of the sides of this one without destroying the bra. Maybe I just need to scrap this one. Which sucks because it's well-made too. It's nice to be told that I don't need it, though!
Oh, I feel like you made a bra-sizing post once? I kind of want to try it myself to see if what the lady told me was right. Can you point me towards it?
no subject
1. Put it on (leaning down, fasten it behind your back, put your breasts in the cups, straighten up, put on the straps), and give it a few jumps. If it stays in place, you're good.
2. Stand with your side to the mirror and raise your hand. If your bra is a straight line on your back, you're good. If it rides up, it's too loose. If it rides down, it's too tight.
3. Cups: there should be no "bumps" forming above the edge of the cup. If the bra is underwired, the wires should touch your breastbone.
4. Fasten the bra with your cups on your back, and pull. You shouldn't be able to pull it more than an inch away.
Oh, oh, and one more thing I just remembered! The straps that slide down your shoulders under long-sleeved shirts? Cross them on your back :).
ETA: If you're ordering online, keep an eye on Cleo by Panache. It's a collection for teenagers, and they used to have underwired bras made of pure cotton. You wouldn't wear that as a strapless, rather with clear straps, but if you want to wear a correct size, and you have delicate skin, cotton seems like the thing to choose?
no subject
no subject