lirazel | oh like I can resist

My favorite fic of yours that always comes to mind is "Prism," because one of my biggest Spuffy kinks is reading Spuffy from others' POV, and you capture the personalities of such often reviled characters so vividly. In terms of actual details, I think it's a toss-up between Buffy and Spike's conversation about him never having bitten her (such a tense moment that requires them to be honest and actually *talk*, rather than just let their looks/touches speak for them) and the end with Faith. I adore her conversation with Buffy, and the bittersweetness of the last few lines is just...gah. Emotionally draining and poignant and perfect. I love when fics don't pull the hard punches, and much as I don't like to see Buffy in pain, at that point in time her sadness/pain/regret is completely realistic and necessary. I appreciate her recognition that Faith was right and that she left things unsaid until it was too late.

Thank you for such a thoughtful answer! I share your kink, so that fic was definitely an indulgence for me. I enjoyed writing it so much, so I'm very pleased

I've always thought it signifcant that Spike never bit Buffy. I think it's one of those things that Buffy doesn't really examine but in the back of her mind, it's there as significant, you know? So I liked having her confront it and actually say, "This matters to me."

I also hate, hate, hate seeing Buffy in pain, so that scene was a hard place to end it, but it was necessary, so I'm very glad it worked for you. And I like to think of Kaleidoscope as its sequel, so they get a happy ending! :D

Again, thanks so much! I really appreciate this!

Okay. I have 2, both from Ars Poetica.

The first is the scene where Buffy finds the Dorothy Parker poem and laughs and cries and is angry all at once. I just think that's perfect. Everything about that is perfect. That DParker's morbid humor is so in sync with Buffy's, and that's exactly the type of thing Dawn would've left for Buffy--it's sort of insensitive--but still so strangely thoughtful of her. And then there's just the fact that DParker is awesome.

The second is the scene where she finds the Edna St. Vincent Millay poem. Perfect poem for that moment. And I just love this as the moment where her damn breaks--where all of that suppressed emotion bubbles up.

YAY POEMS!

I hadn't intended to include that DParker poem, but then it popped into my head and it was way, way too perfect not to put in. And yes! I thought it was so Dawn, too, for exactly the reason you mentioned!

And the Millay poem was the one the whole fic came from. I read it for the first time in college and thought, "OMG IT'S BUFFY!" and everything else fell into place from there. So I'm glad those moments worked for you. Yay fic!

And the Millay poem was the one the whole fic came from. I read it for the first time in college and thought, "OMG IT'S BUFFY!"

When I read Ars Poetica, I can totally see this. I picture you sort of in Buffy's place, flipping through the back your Norton's literary anthology while your professor talks about enjambment in "The Wasteland" or something, stumbling on the Millay poem--and being so much in Buffy's place--seeing their relationship in it.

For some reason that just makes that scene all the more charming for me.

And you would be exactly, exactly right! :D

A line about the first thing Spike doing when he enters a room is locating Buffy, no matter what else he's doing.

Oh! I remember that! In III!

I love when a little cast-off line like that sticks with somebody. Very cool. :D

Love doesn't mean never having to say you're sorry, it means asking for forgiveness over and over and giving it again and again.

They aren't the exact words you wrote, but this is just basically... everything. I mean I've told you more than once that I lovelovelove III, but I never thought I'd reveal to you the true extent of my creepy. If there was a list of things called "words madolyn lives by" this would be on it. towards the top. and you're probably like, "hey that's weird I was just doing my whole writing thing" but when I read that, it just really meant something to me. It's like I read it and all I could think was, this is the truth. hold on to it.

So thank you for writing that.

No, not creepy at all! Very flattering! Thank you!

I've always thought the whole "love means never having to say you're sorry" is one of the stupidest and most dangerous things I've ever heard in my life. I hate it. And I'm glad our views of love coincide in this way.

I think I understand what Erich Segal meant by "Love means never having to say you're sorry" in theory but the line is just so not applicable to real life that it's just...ugh. Have you seen "What's Up, Doc?" That movie makes fun of that line in the best possible way because it's Ryan O'Neal.

And the real reason I commented is to ask, what is "III" to which people keep referring? I can't figure out which fic that is, although I could be missing something obvious.

YES! I lovelovelove that part of What's Up, Doc?, which is an underrated movie in general.

Infinitas Infinitio Infinitus. :D

Ahaha that makes sense. I kept reading "III" as "Third" and was like, "Third? What is third? DO NOT UNDERSTAND." Thanks for clarifying!

HA! No problem.

You want me to choose one? You silly, silly girl.

Let's go with the scene(s) in your fic that most recently just randomly occurred to me, which is the bit of Prism with Chao-Ahn. To me, the Spuffy in those scenes take a backseat to Chao-Ahn's incredible loneliness and isolation and Spike's radically changed relationship to Slayers, even Slayers that aren't Buffy. Her talking about all the things on her heart, and him listening even though he has no idea what she's saying; her working out from her dictionary what he said to her; what he said to her, and all the regret and change reflected in him saying them; the feeding of my always-hungry kink for unexpected moments of grace.

Like I say, I was just randomly thinking about this yesterday - in connection to S7, but I don't remember why. Bits from your fics just pop into my head sometimes, as yummy writing is prone to do. :)

Listen to you sweet talking me! :D

But seriously, that moment meant a lot to me, so I'm really, really glad it rang true for you. And yes, that's the one where the character got away from me and took over the Spuffy, honestly, but I think it needed to be that way because poor Chao-Ahn was so underdeveloped and always used as a punch line on the show and I wanted her to be more.

This meme is hard. I think the things of yours (or whoever's) that really stick with me, the images and lines that shape the way I view the characters, aren't necessarily the things that come to mind when I ask, "What do I remember about Lauren's fic?" They're things I've integrated into my thinking so much that I don't always think of them to connection to you, anymore. If any others come to mind, I'll let you know.

And now that I've said that, I can think of a couple more:
* The line in III about how Spike and Buffy have agreed not hit each other anymore, even though they're superpowered and they could without permanent damage.

* Buffy's line (in Basiare? in that unfinished babyfic I keep referencing?) that she has trouble saying important things because "I feel like the words are too big to fit in my mouth." Both the phrasing and the sentiment have really stuck with me.

* I've said this before, but: the line in Basiare about Buffy's mission to Cleveland really just being an excuse to hang out with Faith. Because the thought of them hanging out and being BFF just makes me so happy.

* Life in the Present Tense, about Spike's soul/past weighing more heavily than anyone realizes, and the image of him falling to the ground in some alleyway, grieving over something he remembers happening there.

* Life in the Present Tense, that first section where Dawn goes into Buffy's bedroom, plops between her and Spike, and says, "Time to pay attention to me now."

You make me so happy.

*huge grin*

Buffy doing cartwheels in the Coliseum, because it's basically Checkpoint condensed in a single image. (The not-quite-rebellion of Buffy Summers, Chosen to fight and look pretty doing it.)

♥♥♥♥♥

The image I always remember of yours is when Buffy, Giles and Dawn house-hunting and Buffy wanders through the house they choose, opening the back door to the porch and the garden and wordlessly sitting down on the steps. Because it's awesome!

Oh, that's one of my old ones! And it still feels right to me, too.

I think I've got to go with this one, too. It's either that, or spend the rest of the night rereading everything and trying to pick just one scene or line. Not sure I could do that. I tend to love everything you write, and there's always at least one thing that really grabs me. Often more. So, yep. I'm going with this one. It said so much without saying it. The epitome of "show, don't tell". :)

Ha! No, no need to reread everything!

But thank you so much for your kind words, and I love that that moment worked for you. :D

I hope you don't mind if I pick from a fandom other than BtVS. I love your BtVS fics, but of all your work I think my favorite is Lovelornity. This might be because of my lifelong obsession with Little Women, but honestly I think it has more to do with the way you wrote the fic, with the narrative striking through Laurie's real feelings and replacing them with the emotions he so desperately wanted to feel. I've never seen that done in a fanfiction before, and it was very affecting. My favorite line was this: "He ~~yearns~~ shudders to imagine what their children would be like, their home ~~warm~~ messy and ~~alive~~ never quiet." I think that sums up the situation beautifully, and it's so sad. I could easily see him feeling this way in the canon of the book.

I don't mind at all! I have great affection for all my other fandoms though of course they don't get as many readers as my BtVS stuff.

I'm thrilled to death that that fic worked for you. Yay! Also: I love your icon!

I love your icon!

Isn't it gorgeous? I'm such a fan of the film. Even if he didn't exactly look the part, Ben Whishaw was absolutely perfect as John Keats.

Okay, where do I even begin?

+ Of Ill-Advised Imprints and Rather Fetching Ewok Queens

I love how you used Victor in this fic. It was so perfect and wonderful and your Topher characterization was amazing. Also, the fact that you could use your Star Wars knowledge really made this story feel real. Your geek card has clearly been stamped.

+ Composition

I love the image of the bird, we talked about this idea how in Priya's dreams her soul flies free. But that imagery you put into it is so beautiful. And that small snippet about Echo bringing Priya watercolors.

+ Ars Poetica

For some reason, the Season 4 one is sticking with me strongly today! I think it's 'cause I'm in a silly mood. What I loved most was how you captured Buffy's teasing of Giles, in particular:

“You’re leaving me alone with him?”

“Giles, you’re a big bad Watcher with a crossbow. Besides, he’s being all obsessed with Shakespeare. Isn’t that what English people do? So you can do it together. Now, I’ve had a very long day, what with the cooking and the moral crises and the making bears and such, so am going home and going. To. Bed. Good night.”

+ Ministers of Grace

It's odd but what I remember most about this fic (and what I love) is how I think of the lace and Drusilla's fragile mind and fragile life. I remember talking about this with you and how you hadn't really intended that, but I think symbolically maybe it worked out that way? And I love it.

There's a start! ♥

Yay for my geek card! And I'm still amazed that that fic turned out as well as it did. I remember getting my Yuletide assignment and thinking WHAT.

You are wonderful. Thank you! ♥

Because I have been stalking you on Checkmated:

She still loves the laughing schoolboy with the hand-me-down robes and the mischievous grin; she will always love that boy. But she isn’t the girl she once was; she is a woman now, tested and true, and it is the man lying beside her that she is in love with—his scars, his darker eyes, his nightmares, the rasp in his voice, the gentleness in his touch, his fears, his regrets, his hopes, his love.

She’s never loved him more than at this moment.

WHAT THIS OTP DOES TO ME.

OMG I WAS GOING TO TYPE THIS EXACT EXERPT!

She's never loved him more than at this moment.

*sobs of sweetest joy and relief*

LE SIGH.

DID YOU CRY TOO?

THESE KIDS. I CAN'T.

I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. From paragraph one I sobbed. OH, OTP, HOW I LOVE YOU. Oh, Lirazel, how I am grateful for fic!

I LOVE THESE KIDS. I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR.

*blushes and blushes and blushes*

The fact that you cared enough to cry just fills me with giddy joy. I'm so glad it spoke to you!

YOU CRIED?

MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.

I TOTALLY DID, YO.

IT'S JUST. SHE LOVES HIM SO MUCH. SHE SEES HIM. SHE SEES HIM. I CAN'T.

OMG CHECKMATED. That site.

I KNOW RIGHT? OTP FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.

oh like I can resist

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