Roundup: Breaking Dawn: Fail, Sparkles, Wank, Nessie, and People Finally Coming to Their Senses

[lirazel]

I, for one, have been thoroughly enjoying the fallout from the release of Breaking Dawn.  As a self-avowed mocker-of-all-things-SMeyer, one of my favorite hobbies is snarking about Twilight and its fandom and wishing that I could hate SMeyer (but she’s just so dang nice).  Hence, the release of BD and the reactions of the fans have made my entire summer, and the Sparkledämmerung, as we like to call it on fandom_wank, has been almost as glorious as the Potterdämmerung I enjoyed so much in earlier times.

I’ve spent way more time than I should on the internet reading articles and fan’s reactions and generally glorying in the epicness that is the BD aftermath.  Yes, I am a loser, but apparently laughter can add eight years to your life.  I’m convinced that through all of this, I’ve added at least sixteen.

Now, I know a lot of people my flist read the books, most of them in a self-depricating way, tongue-in-cheek, as a guilty pleasure.  These people tend to have really great senses of humor, so I’m sure they’ll really enjoy all of these links.  But if you’re one of those people who is a really big fan of the series and doesn’t want to hear anything ill of it, turn back now.  This is your warning.  For those of you who want a few laughs, carry on.  Need I even say, "Spoilers abound"?  No?  Well, I did anyway.

So, as a public service to you, my flist, I have created a list of my very favorite links that snark or mock or shake their heads or shrilly scream “WTF?” at the top of their lungs.  Enjoy!

 

Essential reading:

As the Vampire Sparkles  

Before you do anything else, you must read cleolinda’s beautiful, glorious reactions to all of the books, but especially BD.  I stayed up till 2 last night finishing it and laughing hysterically out loud so hard that my ribs ached.  I’ve always fangirled her something awful, but now I officially have a girlcrush on the woman.  She brings the funny to a whole new level.

 Also, my icon containing my favorite quote to arise from this whole debacle comes from her reactions.  But it’s true: “Twilight means never having to say you’re kidding.”

The world reacts: 

I’m especially enjoying reading reviews of the books in major newspapers and such: they’re honest but oh, so innocent of fandom.  No equivocation from these guys, just straight up: “What are people thinking?”

Also, “Reader, I hurled” is my other favorite quote from this whole thing.  I adore it.

 The Washington Post   My favorite by far.  I don't know who this woman is, but she's my new favorite person in the world.

 Jezebel  Jezebel and I go way back.  The sight can sometimes be trashy and ridiculous, but it is also the sight that keeps me updated on the horrible conditions most women around the world live in, and their reviews of young adult books we all loved as girls are beyond awesome.  So of course any reaction by them would have to be included in this list.  Bonus:  The awesome comments that include talk about Spike, Angel, Connor, and Cordelia.  This site is much with the Whedon love.

Nora Roberts  For those of you who don't hang out on fandom_wank, you might not understand the depth of my love for this woman.  I fangirl her like crazy, yet I've never read her books and really don't intend to.  But whenever we have really great BNA drama with plagiarism or immaturity, she shows up to lay the smackdown on the stupid authors.  And yes, it's only one or two comments here, but it's just the fact that it's her and she's awesome.  Make sure to scroll down for a few more comments from her.

Salon  Okay, this one isn't a BD review, nor is it really very funny. It was also written before BD was released, so it's a bit behind. But it is extremely well-written and really articulates all of my problems with the whole series.  Well worth the read.

L.A. Times  This one is a lot more...restrained than the W.P.'s but it still gets a few good digs in.

 Publisher's Weekly  This one is a report on the movement to return the books.  The really funny thing about it?  They apparently think all Twilight fans are teenagers.  Oh, you poor innocent sods.

Fans on lj: 

And of course everyone on lj has their opinion and have written up some great reactions to it.  Here are some of my favorites:

Epic Twilight Post of Epicness  that_september is on my flist and is fabulous, so of course she gets listed first.  I love her righteous indignation and she gets a million life points for her inclusion of quotes from famous writers about how to write.  Yay for you, honey!

Edward Cullen Helps Me Review Breaking Dawn   May linked this one over on

finkpishnets’s journal, and I totally love it.  This intrepid fan has gotten RPattz (is that how you spell it?) and his fabulous hair to help her explain the plot of the books.  Hilarious.

 

 The Lex Manifesto  Fascism makes an appearance!

 Screencaps of a troll post to the Lex Manifesto   Exactly what it sounds like.  Hilarious.

 Parody  In which Edward Cullen is a cranky, scrapbooking virgin.  Funnier, I'm told, if you've read the book all the way through.

Dark Knight rewrites  And much other hilarity.  Again funnier if you've seen that movie.  Priceless.

SMeyer reacts: 

I kind of feel bad mocking her because she does seem like such a genuinely nice person.  But I can't resist.

MTV interview  You won't believe some of the stuff she says here.

EW video and partial transcript  Oh, Stephanie.  Oh, oh, oh.  Best part?  "The Rob Effect."  Suuuuure, SMeyer.  Suuuure.

VH1 interview   She tries to explain how the pregnancy thing is possible.  *headdesk*

Conversations on fandom_wank: 

No need for you to read all the way through all the thousands of comments on the fw reports.  I’ve culled (ha!  A pun!) out the best ones and included them here for your reading pleasure.

Nanny Cam   This one is my favorite.  Apparently, SMeyer claims to be a Whedon fan but hasn’t seen Buffy or Angel because she didn’t want to “taint her vision” of vamps or whatever.  These lovely people want to be witness to her first viewing of the series, and so, dear reader, do I.

Wikipedia article on Smeyer  I laughed out loud.  Often.

Reasons Teen Girls Love Edward Cullen  Heartbreaking.  Plus, people discovering the sparkles are literal for the first time.  It's always fun to see someone's innocence ripped away.

 So he's never wacked off in 90 years?  Not for the faint of heart, but beyond funny.

Vampires: The Universal Solvent  Again with the slightly inappropriate, again with the funny.

Death-baby Genetics  People try to logically think through this stuff.  Hilarity ensues.

Why Does She Even Call Them Vampires?  World-building critique.  I love these guys.

Why Does She Even Call Them Vampires? Part Two  More of the same.  Highlights include "Why does she even call them werewolves?"

Rainbow-Throwing Diamond Vampires.  Naturally.  Turns out: literally. 

Freewill and the Romance of Babysitting Your Future F***-buddy.  With some Lolita references!

***for these last seven, credit for titles and links goes to the long-suffering _goblin_ from journalfen.  Thanks!***

           

 

And there you have it, my friends.  The Breaking Dawn aftermath all in one place.

Also, my lovies, if you have any links of your own that are enjoyable, please feel free to suggest them and I’ll update the list.

Comments

[likeserendipity.livejournal.com]

hahaha. YOU KNOW I KEEP IT TONGUE-IN-CHEEK. love it!

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

I'm sooo glad you love it. And yeah, I was thinking of you when I wrote that line. ;) And also of izi and her Mike Newton!love. And I'm so glad Twilight exists. My world would be a much less hilarious place without it.

[that-september.livejournal.com]

LOL, I love you ♥. This is great (and aww, thanks for all the nice things you said!), and I currently have about five of those links open and am enjoying myself immensely. cleolinda is HILARIOUS.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

You know I love you, too, and you're most welcome.

I'm thrilled that you're enjoying them. Especially the cleolinda stuff. She's pretty much the greatest.

[serendipily.livejournal.com]

But BD was so peically ... failed. I don't care how well it was written, I don't care how MarySue Bella turned out, it was still ... so epically ... blugger like.

But read reactions of avid fangirls is just the darndest thing. Because some agree with the epic fail, and some support it and will be the one that buys those "Team Meyer" hats. XD

*huggles* You are my darling epic nerd and I have to now read every single one. XP

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree with the epicness.


*huggles* You are my darling epic nerd and I have to now read every single one. XP
*huggles back* You're my darling epic commenter, and I'm glad you're reading them. ;)

[serendipily.livejournal.com]

*huggles back* You're my darling epic commenter, and I'm glad you're reading them. ;)
*huggles mre* You are now offically my new tackle/hug nerd which I will forever love for showing me those epically fantastic ... fantasticisms! *tackle/hug*

[madcap-shiny.livejournal.com]

This post is my BFF. *applause*

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Ha! So glad. Seriously. That makes me incredibly happy.

[sowell.livejournal.com]

Oh, I think I just fell a little in love with you for this. Goodbye work boredom!

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad! And any day I can help anyone relieve work boredom is a good day. I know what you mean; I have bad flashbacks to my office work days.

[moonlightrick.livejournal.com]

Um, basically. I love you for posting this and organizing all these links. Partly because otherwise *I* would have had to make a post ranting, raving, laughing, and crying about Breaking Dawn (YA feminism is dead, long live Bella? aaaagk), and not managed to laugh nearly as much as your links demanded. Laughter is mostly winning out over the fear for teenage girls everywhere, now, and that is better. Also, I love your icon :D

[eldritchowl.livejournal.com]

I think I love you a little bit.

Oh, Breaking Dawn. I just about died reading it. So awful. So cracktastic. Smeyer killed the series.

This was an epic roundup.

(But I'll be damned if I haven't been sucked into the fandom in a guilty-pleasure way like you said... Dead Like Me/Twilight crossovers were just too perfect to resist. Also I enjoy the fact that the fanfic is better than the canon.)

[intothemorning.livejournal.com]

Invaluable resource. I'm one of those people who reads, tongue in cheek, as a guilty pleasure because I thoroughly enjoy laughing derisively at the Mary Sue's Bella's exploits. I've laughed through the entire series. BD has been the icing on the cake. :) This post is the sprinkles.