![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Fic: Inertia
Title: Inertia
Characters/Pairings: Jenny-centric, Tommy/Jenny
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Spoiler alert: Spoilers through the first two or three episodes
Summary: One day, Jenny just stopped waiting for the catalyst.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. If they were, they wouldn't be canceled, now would they?
She married Michael because he was the first guy who ever asked her out.
He certainly wasn’t the first guy to want to take her out. She saw the way guys looked at her, and her dad had told her since she was a little girl that she was beautiful. But no guy was going to ask Jenny Reilly out, no matter how hot they thought she was—no one wanted to mess with Tommy Donnelly. And everyone in Hell’s Kitchen knew that if any guy so much as looked at Jenny too long, they’d find their faces buried in the sidewalk and Tommy’s foot on their back.
When she was fourteen, fifteen, it just seemed a matter of time (sooner or later, Tommy would say something or maybe just grab her and kiss her, and then the world would be as it should be), and so she inwardly thrilled that everyone assumed that she was Tommy’s girl. She doodled their initials in a heart in the back of her Physics book, then scratched it out because she’d always hated those kinds of girls. She didn’t need to lay claim to him, to remind everyone else that he was hers and she was his. They just were.
But senior year of high school came and went and then Tommy was off to art school, and he still had never said anything or done anything or even hinted that one day he might. And then she started to resent that everyone else took it for granted that they would be together one day, because didn’t everyone see that there was no guarantee of that? She could love him all she wanted; that wasn’t going to change anything. They were stuck exactly where they’d been since they were twelve years old: on the edge of a precipice, hanging by a thread, just a whisper away from something so big that she couldn’t even let herself think about it. Objects at rest….
Michael came into the diner every night for dinner for three weeks before asking her out. He took her to an Italian restaurant, which she found hilarious, even if she didn’t laugh (he never made her laugh). True, the restaurant was over in Midtown and had no ties to the mob that she knew of, but still. Tommy had always teased her about how much she loved pasta, saying it was a sign that one day she was going to switch allegiances on them.
She thought of Tommy the whole time Michael was telling stories about the funny, naïve things the kids in his class said, and she smiled at the places she was supposed to laugh and dipped her head at the places she was supposed to say “Awww.”
She shied away when he tried to kiss her as he dropped her off at home that night. He laughed, kicked a can, and glanced over his shoulder at her when he left.
After that, he still came every day to the diner and took her out every Friday night. She never once laughed, but then, she never once cried, either. Three months later, he proposed.
“Take your time. Think about it,” he said. “Don’t make a rash decision.”
“Yes,” she said.
She found Tommy out behind the Firecracker, emptying the trash. She stood and watched him as he swung one bag, then another into the dumpster. “Michael asked me to marry him,” she said.
I’m not going to wait to live my life. I can’t sit around and wait for you forever. I have to live. Now. Not in some hypothetical future where we’re together and your brothers are out of trouble and you take me far away from here. That isn’t fair. I have to live now.
He let the top of the dumpster fall, and the hollow bang echoed through the alley. “Breaking another heart, Jenny?” he asked.
“I said yes.”
He stared at her for a long moment that stretched out to infinity in the summer heat, the waiting vibrating in the night, with the sound of traffic and radios and shouts several blocks over fading in and out like static. It wasn’t just the two of them in their own world, though; it never had been. All the rest of the world pressed in close around them and she forced herself to look at him.
And then suddenly his hand was on her shoulder and that was the closest they’d been in ages and she wanted to break down and cry. She didn’t.
“Congratulations, Jenny. I’m happy for you.”
He said it so earnestly and clearly that if she hadn’t known him since they were born, she would never have seen the twinge in his eyes. As it was, she gaped at him, confused and hurt and heartbroken and suddenly, inexplicably cold and lonelylonelylonely. She hadn’t really expected the news to make him finally say something (but a part of her had hoped it would).
He brushed a kiss across her cheek, and she couldn’t stop that single tear from falling.
He stepped back and just stood there looking at her in that way that had always broken her heart, and she could no longer meet his eyes. She turned to walk away, wrapping her jacket close around her, and she realized that even though she had just made the biggest decision of her life, she was still exactly where she’d always been.
--
no subject
no subject
no subject
OH MY GOD YOU MAKE MY LIFE. This was just so achingly perfect and painful and you get these two even if you think you don't.
And everyone in Hell’s Kitchen knew that if any guy so much as looked at Jenny too long, they’d find their faces buried in the sidewalk and Tommy’s foot on their back.
That captures everything I've ever thought about the two of them as teens. The way he wouldn't say anything but just let them know she was his and vice versa. It's not so much about possession but about being the one person who gets him.
sooner or later, Tommy would say something or maybe just grab her and kiss her, and then the world would be as it should be
That hurts. THe way she expects him to make his move because dammit, that's what men are supposed to do. But he doesn't because he's respectful and wants her to choose and it goes on too long.
She didn’t need to lay claim to him, to remind everyone else that he was hers and she was his. They just were.
That's what I tried to say up there but failed miserably in comparison to this.
They were stuck exactly where they’d been since they were twelve years old: on the edge of a precipice, hanging by a thread, just a whisper away from something so big that she couldn’t even let herself think about it. Objects at rest….
I swear to god you break me like no other. You can actually feel frustration crackling between the words at how he never makes his move and she knows how big and epic the two of them are supposed to be but neither can take that step. Also, love the bringing in of the physics there. Adds a great touch and ties everything together.
She never once laughed, but then, she never once cried, either.
The casual way she thinks it through, that it's not great but it's not bad. She should have been taught never to settle.
I’m not going to wait to live my life. I can’t sit around and wait for you forever. I have to live. Now. Not in some hypothetical future where we’re together and your brothers are out of trouble and you take me far away from here. That isn’t fair. I have to live now.
No words for how much I understand. And you were worried that you didn't get the two of them? Seriously, how could you think that. Those lines are Jenny, honest and nearly pleading like she did in the hospital. She's uncompromising on matters like this and it hurts to read because you know she's right. He should've done something. The way that he assumes she said no in the next paragraph is frustrating because you want him to get it, you want him to recognise that this is it, now or never. This is his last chance to say how he feels. But he doesn't because he's her friend and he knows that he should want her happy.
It wasn’t just the two of them in their own world, though; it never had been. All the rest of the world pressed in close around them and she forced herself to look at him.
The idea that it's almost bigger than the two of them. They've never had it idealised in the traditional extent, but they were naive to think it could last this long without something breaking.
She hadn’t really expected the news to make him finally say something (but a part of her had hoped it would).
Stop with the breakage. Seriously. STOP IT!
she realized that even though she had just made the biggest decision of her life, she was still exactly where she’d always been.
Exactly. She's committed herself to something that she doesn't really want and she's still in love with Tommy, still on that precipice overlooking their future and it hurts because we know what this leads to.
You're made of awesome you know this right? Seriously.
no subject
The icon is now appropriate
no subject
I always feel like I've earned a medal when you break out that icon. It makes me feel very accomplished.
*curtsies*
Thank you!
no subject
OH MY GOD YOU MAKE MY LIFE. This was just so achingly perfect and painful and you get these two even if you think you don't. This is me blushing all over the place. All over the place.
That captures everything I've ever thought about the two of them as teens. The way he wouldn't say anything but just let them know she was his and vice versa. It's not so much about possession but about being the one person who gets him. I really couldn't imagine them any other way. This was the only way I could see them. And I agree--not possession, really, because Tommy isn't the sort of guy who would want to "own" someone--and Jenny isn't the type of girl who would let him--but yes. Getting each other.
THe way she expects him to make his move because dammit, that's what men are supposed to do. But he doesn't because he's respectful and wants her to choose and it goes on too long. Yes, yes. They're both just waiting for each other and that's the saddest thing of all.
I swear to god you break me like no other. You can actually feel frustration crackling between the words at how he never makes his move and she knows how big and epic the two of them are supposed to be but neither can take that step. AH! You said epic! That made my day! And sorry about the breaking. Except not really. ;)
Also, love the bringing in of the physics there. Adds a great touch and ties everything together. I don't know why I insist on working in math and science terms into my stories since I stink at math and science. But I do feel like it worked here, so I'm glad you agree.
She should have been taught never to settle. I agree. That's the thing about Jenny. I don't think you can come to any other conclusions when you watch the show but that she did exactly that. That she's always loved him but settled. Oh, Tommy. Why did you let her?
Those lines are Jenny, honest and nearly pleading like she did in the hospital. She's uncompromising on matters like this and it hurts to read because you know she's right. He should've done something. Soooo glad you feel that way.
The way that he assumes she said no in the next paragraph is frustrating because you want him to get it, you want him to recognise that this is it, now or never. This is his last chance to say how he feels. But he doesn't because he's her friend and he knows that he should want her happy. Tommy's just so Tommy, isn't he? I love the boy with all my heart, but seriously....
The idea that it's almost bigger than the two of them. They've never had it idealised in the traditional extent, but they were naive to think it could last this long without something breaking. I really like it when you verbalize things for me so that I can be lazy and not have to and just say "Exactly."
Stop with the breakage. Seriously. STOP IT! I'm sorry!
(I am also secretly laughing maniacally because I love to torture people. Have you noticed?)
You're made of awesome you know this right? Seriously. I'm convinced that you're responsible for maintaining half of my self-esteem. Because your reviews are always so lovely and wonderful and you always get what I'm trying to say and then you make me sound a whole lot better than I am but it makes me very happy.
And I have just fangirled you on your epic (but short) little fandom collision piece. (Rory? Veronica? You broke them all over the place!) So I guess we're even.