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in which i wax at length about the way fandom should be
So I’ve had some ~thoughts~ I’ve wanted to share, but I’ll go ahead and tell you that they aren’t unique—they’ve been verbalized many times before, and often by me. But I’ve been wanting for a long time to consolidate my thoughts on Reader Response Theory and fandom courtesy, and I might as well do it, right?
Caveat: this post contains spoilers through all of the episodes of Doctor Who that have been aired. DW isn’t the focus of this post, though, so if you want to skip over the paragraphs where I start talking about RTD and the Moff, you could probably do that and still get the gist of what’s going on here.
Let’s start with a quote:
Words of truth, y’all.
Basically, if we sat around and waited for something perfect to invest in—something that wasn’t problematic, something in which every oppressed group was treated perfectly, something that didn’t have any content that could hurt a viewer—we would never be able to invest in anything. We wouldn’t even have fandom. We wouldn’t be able to tell stories.
Because stories, and all art, are created within the context of the society of both the storyteller and the audience. It’s absolutely impossible to divorce them from their context. And all societies are flawed in various ways. Allsocieties. Because societies are made up of people and people are hopelessly flawed. So when those people, operating within their societies, create stories or art or anything else, the product of their creation absolutely will reflect the flaws of both the creator and the larger society, no matter how hard the creator is trying.
And y’all know all that. I’m not telling you anything new. But sometimes I feel like people forget this? They see something that’s really problematic and that hurts them personally and they assume that anyone who actually still likes that thing just doesn’t care about other peoples’ pain. And I don’t think that’s always true. It’s easy to forget that while you’re feeling defensive because of something someone else likes, you’re also enjoying something that causes someone else pain.
If you’re human, you love something that could cause someone else pain. That’s just life as a human being. And it’s something we need to deal with if fandom isn’t going to turn into an ugly place to be.
So let’s talk about something that I love that’s also incredibly problematic. A lot of my friends have given up on The Vampire Diaries. I totally understand this. The fandom is pretty ridiculous and the show seems to revel in killing off women, especially women of color. Some people think the show whitewashes Damon’s actions (but other people don’t see it that way). The love triangle is being drawn out to a stupid extent. There are lots of good reasons to give up on the show. But there’s also some good ones to stay. I stay because I love Bonnie and Caroline and Elena and their relationships with each other, relationships that are fraught and that often waver under the weight of the horrible supernatural stuff they’re going through, but relationships that they also work on. I stay because I find Stefan and Damon’s relationship with each other really, really fascinating. I stay because Katherine is really fun. So while I totally understand why other people are leaving, it still speaks to me enough that I’m staying for the time being, and I hope that those who have thrown in the towel can understand why.
On the other hand, I find Angel the Series really, really, really anti-feminist to the point where I really don’t want to watch it. There are a few things about the show I enjoy (Gunn—when he gets any sort of development, which is rare—Cordy in the early seasons, Lorne, Darla and Dru, Lilah, Connor, Angel acting like a dork, and quite a few scattered episodes), but I’ve reached the point where I feel okay with admitting that I am not a fan of the show. But you know what I love? I love reading![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pocochina’s thoughts about the show. Love. Because she acknowledges all of the really problematic stuff and is all about calling out the show when it epically fails, but she also loves it anyway. A lot of that love comes from her love of Wes, who I don’t really care for. And it makes me wonder—if I loved Wesley the way she loves him, would I be willing to put up with all that misogynist material for the sake of that character? And the answer to that is…probably. So while the show drives me insane, I appreciate poco’s appreciation for it, and I’d never judge her for loving something I can’t stomach.
Because let’s be honest: a lot of what we’re willing to put up with/overlook is dependent upon how much we’re enjoying the story. For instance: Supernatural was pretty problematic from the beginning. I mean, S1 is full of ladies being fridged left and right, and a lot of the violence against them is very sexual in nature, and it’s all really disturbing. It’s built in to the show from pretty much the beginning. And I knew that from the beginning. And I would never have denied it. But I also really enjoyed the show. I really cared about Dean (and also Sam and Jo and Ellen and Bobby and whoever) and the family relationships spoke to me deeply and I loved how American the show is, intrinsically American, which isn’t something you see a lot in genre shows. So I acknowledged the bad but kept loving the good. Somewhere around S5, though, my enjoyment was flagging. And so when what happened in “Abandon All Hope” happened, that was the last straw. I threw my hands up and had my epic breakup with the show. Two things were happening here: 1) what happened in that episode really, really pissed me off as a human being, a viewer of the show, and a feminist, and 2) I didn’t really are very much about the show to begin with. So it was quite an easy decision to make to give up on it. Interestingly,snickfic has been telling me about what’s happening in S6 of the show, and I’m intrigued again. I might give it another try. This doesn’t mean that I think the show is any less problematic than it was at the point I said goodbye to it. What it does mean is that if the show is interesting enough to me, I might be willing to acknowledge that problematic material and yet embrace the show again anyway. And there is nothing wrong with this.
A week or so ago, I made a mention of disliking "bitter beta males" in a tag on my tumblr. I pretty much immediately got a really passive-aggressive-ly-phrased anonymous comment about how I couldn’t say that since I am fond of Rory Williams. Which seemed ridiculous to me. Not only because the major thing that bothers me about Nice Guys (entitlement) isn’t really all that present in Rory all the time, and not only because I can love the character while disliking the writing for that character (see also: Martha Jones, queen of my heart), but also because…I can dislike an overall trope while still liking an individual that falls within that trope? Or at least I thought I could. Apparently the fandom police don’t think so.
It's something like my relationship with Man Pain. I hatehatehatehatehatehate Angel’s Man Pain, to the point where I just don’t want to watch his show. But I’m a big fan of Fox Mulder, and he’s got loads of Man Pain, too. And honestly, my ability to tolerate that Man Pain probably arises from the fact that I emotionally connect to Mulder and identify with him, whereas I’ve always found Angel annoying and just don’t like him. Preferences play such a huge role in this sort of thing. And liking one character over the other isn’t hypocrisy, unless I’m telling people who like Angel that they’re wrong and they shouldn’t like a character so embued with Man Pain (more on this anon).
And then there’s the perpetual comparisons of RTD and Moffat. CAN THIS ARGUMENT DIE? Seriously. I am so sick of it. Both of these guys are incredibly problematic in real life (from RTD’s frankly sickening dismissal of fans’ reactions to Ianto’s death to Moffat’s really gross comments about Karen Gillan’s attractiveness level) and in their writing. And I think it’s pretty impossible to say which one is worse. Because they’re both bad. Let’s not do that anymore, okay?
Instead, let’s admit that what we’re willing to put up with is so deeply connected to whether the story works for us. I enjoyed a lot of RTD’s run, but I didn’t love it the way I loved Series 5. Series 5 made me flail with joy, I cannot even tell you.
There’s also the role that individual experiences play. For instance, RTD’s writing (and by extension, the character of Ten) hit on two particular sore spots with me: people deliberately playing into society’s misogyny in order to undermine a woman (see: Ten’s treatment of Harriet Jones, which I find disgusting and appalling) and memory/mind manipulation without consent (see: Ten wiping Donna’s memories when she begged him to stop). I have an actual, visceral reaction to those two things, especially the latter, which is tied to personal experience I’m really not going to get into here. They bothered me so much that they soured Ten’s character for the point that I really just have nothing good to say about him anymore except that I like Tennant’s face.
On the other hand, I’m not nearly as bothered by what’s going on with Amy this series, even while I understand that other people are. Part of that is that I think it’s premature for me to judge the story while we’re in the middle of it (“Let’s Kill Hitler,” aside, which I don’t think you can spin any other way) and we don’t really know where it’s going (read this essay about why the series is still working forelisi. It’s a great essay). But part of it is that I don’t have as much of a visceral reaction to Amy being pregnant without knowing it and her narrative becoming about her pregnancy and family. Unlike a lot of people, I really love motherhood narratives (as long as they’re well done), and I also think it can be interesting to show what happens when a character loses agency…as long as we get that agency back later. So if Amy doesn’t ever regain her agency, then I’ll probably be as upset as a lot of you are. But at this point in time, while I find other people’s objections to what’s going on completely legitimate, it isn’t ruining the show for me the way it is a lot of people. Because of who I am as an individual and because of my own experiences. (And also because I think it’s entirely possible that she’ll get her agency back a little later.)
To wrap up my DW thoughts, I’ll say that I think it’s totally fine to still love Ten and RTD’s run as long as you acknowledge the problematic nature of their actions. And I would love it if people could have enough empathy to understand why I still love Eleven and Moffat’s writing even while there’s stuff about where the show is right now that I find really wrong.
So read this meta and get over it. Okay?
I think now would be a good time to tell you what I’m not saying. And what I’m not saying is that there is never a time to call people out on the way they’re relating to fandom. If someone is calling a character a slut/whore/whatever and saying she doesn’t deserve Perfect Guy, it’s okay to call that person out on that behavior. If someone is saying that an evil character’s very evil actions are justified, it’s okay to not be okay with that. If someone is dismissing an *ism that you see in a show by saying that it doesn’t matter that it’s there, go ahead and call them out on it!
But in a broader context, I think it’s better, as a general rule, to talk mostly about problematic patterns in fandom as opposed to specific behaviors of individuals. This is sort of like when we talk about feminism and how we make a commitment not to hate on women who buy into the lies that society is telling them and perpetuate those lies. Instead, we hate the lies themselves. The same sort of thing should happen in fandom.
And this should go without saying, but apparently it needs to be said? Just because you like something better, doesn't mean it's objectively better. And just because you think of yourself as progressive doesn't mean that everything you love becomes progressive. And just because other people have other opinions about things than you do does not mean that they are wrong or that you are better than them. There is no "right" way to watch a show or read a book or view a movie. And the idea that there is is what lead us to millenia of powerful rich white guys deciding what works of literature were important (basically everything that supported their worldview) and which ones weren't (the ones that didn't). FANDOM IS NOT A COMPETITION.
This weekend when we were talking about that absolutely brilliant Man Pain vid, a couple of people mentioned that it made them feel guilty. Like it was judging them for liking specific characters that were featured in the vid. And I don’t think that’s the point. I mean, several of my favorites were featured there. I love Mulder, despite the fact that he’s really an idiot. I mean, the guy has zero sense of self-preservation, he’s pretty much the reason that Dead Little Sister exists as a Trope, he’s often overcome with his Man Pain, and—let’s face it—if he didn’t have Scully and Skinner around to save his ass, he’d be dead seven million times over. But despite all of those things, I do love him. And I don’t feel like the vid was picking on me as an individual for loving that individual character. Instead, the vid was trying to say, “Look how often this trope comes up. We see it over and over again in ways we don’t see depictions of other kinds of characters. This trope consistently privileges men’s angst over the stories of women and other oppressed groups. Isn’t that problematic? Can we talk about this?” It’s about the ubiquity of that trope in the stories our cultures tell, not about me as an individual liking an individual character.
I think this would also be the best way to approach conversations about female characters in fandom. Instead of attacking someone else for not liking Bonnie Bennett or Britta Perry or Martha Jones or Sansa Stark or whoever (because hey! There are legitimate reasons not to like each individual character!), let’s talk about how fandom at large consistently privileges the stories of white men, how fandom at large attacks qualities in women that it lauds in men, how fandom at large is, honestly, pretty messed up. And that’s what’s problematic! It isn’t the individual stuff! It isn’t you liking that character or me thinking that plotline is really interesting. It’s the way problematic things pop up over and over and over again. It’s the way that people who aren’t white males are sidelined again and again and again and again. It’s the way that no matter when and where a story is set, Hollywood will figure out a way to make that story about a white guy.
And I know that little things add up. I realize that these larger societal behaviors are made up of smaller behaviors of individuals and groups. I get that. But what good does it do to attack another person? None. It does no good. [This also comes up again and again in talking about slash in fandom. People who really love female characters say, “Why does every fandom become about the pretty white guys shagging?” And then the people who like the pretty white guys shagging feel defensive, and it all becomes a big ugly thing. Every. Time.]
At the same time, I’m not saying that it’s impossible to make objective statements. I’m pretty comfortable, for instance, saying that, say, Supernatural is more misogynist than Parks and Recreation. But honestly, I’m not really sure what good that does? I can say that, but…why would I? Again: it does no good.
Fandom is not a competition. If you say that your show is more feminist or progressive or whatever than another show is as a way of putting down other fans, or if you bash another ship as being really *ist or whatever…do you win anything? It accomplishes nothing except creating ugliness in a place—fandom—that should be about love: love of stories and characters and creation and community (I know, I know: I’m sappy. Deal with it).
And frankly, if you don’t have any mercy or empathy in your heart to understand that other people have different perspectives, the other stories might work for other people in ways that they don’t work for you, and that all of this is okay then…I’m not really sure I care to be around you. Fandom is where I go to be happy. Yes, I think it’s also important to examine the problematic aspects of things we consume if we’re so inclined. But when it comes down to it, if I’m not enjoying my time in fandom the way I would any other hobby…then there’s no point.
So let me tell you how I think fandom should work.
I like what I like. You like what you like. If those things aren’t the same things, maybe we sometimes have conversations about why we don’t like things that other people like, as long as that conversation is respectful and in the right spirit. And if we can’t talk to each other without it becoming nasty, then we avoid that topic or we just don’t interact with each other or whatever needs to happen to keep fandom a place of respect for each other.
We talk about the fandom-wide problems as we see them, but the ones who are speaking don’t attack other individuals and the ones who happen to love things that fall under the umbrella of those problems don’t become defensive because they think they’re being picked on.
I acknowledge that there are aspects of a canon that you find really rewarding or important that just don’t work for me. You do the same for me. We all hold hands and sing kumbaya and I buy the world a Coke and everything is beautiful and happy and lovely. Right?
Okay, so that’s never going to happen. Fandom is a wanky, wanky place, and I suspect there are people out there who are in it actually for the wank. But for the rest of us, the ones who want to try to keep this happy, can’t we do this? I haven’t always been perfect at this, and I know just how hard it can be not to become incredibly defensive when someone is criticizing something you relate to or a story or character that’s really, really important to you. It’s hard. But let’s have mercy and kindness and compassion and empathy, and let’s try. Please. Okay?
Caveat: this post contains spoilers through all of the episodes of Doctor Who that have been aired. DW isn’t the focus of this post, though, so if you want to skip over the paragraphs where I start talking about RTD and the Moff, you could probably do that and still get the gist of what’s going on here.
Let’s start with a quote:
And lastly, a note on how we engage with less than perfect source material. Unfortunately, there isn't that much out there that is perfect, or even close to it, and in the end we all pick and choose based on a combination of things we like and things we can put up with. We compartmentalise. Sometimes we enjoy elements of canon source even while we might simultaneously think there's a critical point to be made. Sometimes we deal with these issues enough in our offline life that we want to ignore it when we hit fandom. Sometimes it's because we deal with these issues so much in our offline life that we can't ignore it when it crops up in fandom. Sometimes we don't pick up it at all, or disagree when someone else argues that it's problematic. Sometimes we just don't want to engage that day, that month, or ever….
Mileage will vary a lot on everything I've covered. I hope it's clear from this post that I think that's totally okay, and sort of my point. Few things are perfect, and we love them anyway, and sometimes part of our loving them is critiquing them, and sometimes it isn't, and that's fine.
Words of truth, y’all.
Basically, if we sat around and waited for something perfect to invest in—something that wasn’t problematic, something in which every oppressed group was treated perfectly, something that didn’t have any content that could hurt a viewer—we would never be able to invest in anything. We wouldn’t even have fandom. We wouldn’t be able to tell stories.
Because stories, and all art, are created within the context of the society of both the storyteller and the audience. It’s absolutely impossible to divorce them from their context. And all societies are flawed in various ways. Allsocieties. Because societies are made up of people and people are hopelessly flawed. So when those people, operating within their societies, create stories or art or anything else, the product of their creation absolutely will reflect the flaws of both the creator and the larger society, no matter how hard the creator is trying.
And y’all know all that. I’m not telling you anything new. But sometimes I feel like people forget this? They see something that’s really problematic and that hurts them personally and they assume that anyone who actually still likes that thing just doesn’t care about other peoples’ pain. And I don’t think that’s always true. It’s easy to forget that while you’re feeling defensive because of something someone else likes, you’re also enjoying something that causes someone else pain.
If you’re human, you love something that could cause someone else pain. That’s just life as a human being. And it’s something we need to deal with if fandom isn’t going to turn into an ugly place to be.
So let’s talk about something that I love that’s also incredibly problematic. A lot of my friends have given up on The Vampire Diaries. I totally understand this. The fandom is pretty ridiculous and the show seems to revel in killing off women, especially women of color. Some people think the show whitewashes Damon’s actions (but other people don’t see it that way). The love triangle is being drawn out to a stupid extent. There are lots of good reasons to give up on the show. But there’s also some good ones to stay. I stay because I love Bonnie and Caroline and Elena and their relationships with each other, relationships that are fraught and that often waver under the weight of the horrible supernatural stuff they’re going through, but relationships that they also work on. I stay because I find Stefan and Damon’s relationship with each other really, really fascinating. I stay because Katherine is really fun. So while I totally understand why other people are leaving, it still speaks to me enough that I’m staying for the time being, and I hope that those who have thrown in the towel can understand why.
On the other hand, I find Angel the Series really, really, really anti-feminist to the point where I really don’t want to watch it. There are a few things about the show I enjoy (Gunn—when he gets any sort of development, which is rare—Cordy in the early seasons, Lorne, Darla and Dru, Lilah, Connor, Angel acting like a dork, and quite a few scattered episodes), but I’ve reached the point where I feel okay with admitting that I am not a fan of the show. But you know what I love? I love reading
pocochina’s thoughts about the show. Love. Because she acknowledges all of the really problematic stuff and is all about calling out the show when it epically fails, but she also loves it anyway. A lot of that love comes from her love of Wes, who I don’t really care for. And it makes me wonder—if I loved Wesley the way she loves him, would I be willing to put up with all that misogynist material for the sake of that character? And the answer to that is…probably. So while the show drives me insane, I appreciate poco’s appreciation for it, and I’d never judge her for loving something I can’t stomach. Because let’s be honest: a lot of what we’re willing to put up with/overlook is dependent upon how much we’re enjoying the story. For instance: Supernatural was pretty problematic from the beginning. I mean, S1 is full of ladies being fridged left and right, and a lot of the violence against them is very sexual in nature, and it’s all really disturbing. It’s built in to the show from pretty much the beginning. And I knew that from the beginning. And I would never have denied it. But I also really enjoyed the show. I really cared about Dean (and also Sam and Jo and Ellen and Bobby and whoever) and the family relationships spoke to me deeply and I loved how American the show is, intrinsically American, which isn’t something you see a lot in genre shows. So I acknowledged the bad but kept loving the good. Somewhere around S5, though, my enjoyment was flagging. And so when what happened in “Abandon All Hope” happened, that was the last straw. I threw my hands up and had my epic breakup with the show. Two things were happening here: 1) what happened in that episode really, really pissed me off as a human being, a viewer of the show, and a feminist, and 2) I didn’t really are very much about the show to begin with. So it was quite an easy decision to make to give up on it. Interestingly,
snickfic has been telling me about what’s happening in S6 of the show, and I’m intrigued again. I might give it another try. This doesn’t mean that I think the show is any less problematic than it was at the point I said goodbye to it. What it does mean is that if the show is interesting enough to me, I might be willing to acknowledge that problematic material and yet embrace the show again anyway. And there is nothing wrong with this.A week or so ago, I made a mention of disliking "bitter beta males" in a tag on my tumblr. I pretty much immediately got a really passive-aggressive-ly-phrased anonymous comment about how I couldn’t say that since I am fond of Rory Williams. Which seemed ridiculous to me. Not only because the major thing that bothers me about Nice Guys (entitlement) isn’t really all that present in Rory all the time, and not only because I can love the character while disliking the writing for that character (see also: Martha Jones, queen of my heart), but also because…I can dislike an overall trope while still liking an individual that falls within that trope? Or at least I thought I could. Apparently the fandom police don’t think so.
It's something like my relationship with Man Pain. I hatehatehatehatehatehate Angel’s Man Pain, to the point where I just don’t want to watch his show. But I’m a big fan of Fox Mulder, and he’s got loads of Man Pain, too. And honestly, my ability to tolerate that Man Pain probably arises from the fact that I emotionally connect to Mulder and identify with him, whereas I’ve always found Angel annoying and just don’t like him. Preferences play such a huge role in this sort of thing. And liking one character over the other isn’t hypocrisy, unless I’m telling people who like Angel that they’re wrong and they shouldn’t like a character so embued with Man Pain (more on this anon).
And then there’s the perpetual comparisons of RTD and Moffat. CAN THIS ARGUMENT DIE? Seriously. I am so sick of it. Both of these guys are incredibly problematic in real life (from RTD’s frankly sickening dismissal of fans’ reactions to Ianto’s death to Moffat’s really gross comments about Karen Gillan’s attractiveness level) and in their writing. And I think it’s pretty impossible to say which one is worse. Because they’re both bad. Let’s not do that anymore, okay?
Instead, let’s admit that what we’re willing to put up with is so deeply connected to whether the story works for us. I enjoyed a lot of RTD’s run, but I didn’t love it the way I loved Series 5. Series 5 made me flail with joy, I cannot even tell you.
There’s also the role that individual experiences play. For instance, RTD’s writing (and by extension, the character of Ten) hit on two particular sore spots with me: people deliberately playing into society’s misogyny in order to undermine a woman (see: Ten’s treatment of Harriet Jones, which I find disgusting and appalling) and memory/mind manipulation without consent (see: Ten wiping Donna’s memories when she begged him to stop). I have an actual, visceral reaction to those two things, especially the latter, which is tied to personal experience I’m really not going to get into here. They bothered me so much that they soured Ten’s character for the point that I really just have nothing good to say about him anymore except that I like Tennant’s face.
On the other hand, I’m not nearly as bothered by what’s going on with Amy this series, even while I understand that other people are. Part of that is that I think it’s premature for me to judge the story while we’re in the middle of it (“Let’s Kill Hitler,” aside, which I don’t think you can spin any other way) and we don’t really know where it’s going (read this essay about why the series is still working for
elisi. It’s a great essay). But part of it is that I don’t have as much of a visceral reaction to Amy being pregnant without knowing it and her narrative becoming about her pregnancy and family. Unlike a lot of people, I really love motherhood narratives (as long as they’re well done), and I also think it can be interesting to show what happens when a character loses agency…as long as we get that agency back later. So if Amy doesn’t ever regain her agency, then I’ll probably be as upset as a lot of you are. But at this point in time, while I find other people’s objections to what’s going on completely legitimate, it isn’t ruining the show for me the way it is a lot of people. Because of who I am as an individual and because of my own experiences. (And also because I think it’s entirely possible that she’ll get her agency back a little later.)To wrap up my DW thoughts, I’ll say that I think it’s totally fine to still love Ten and RTD’s run as long as you acknowledge the problematic nature of their actions. And I would love it if people could have enough empathy to understand why I still love Eleven and Moffat’s writing even while there’s stuff about where the show is right now that I find really wrong.
So read this meta and get over it. Okay?
I think now would be a good time to tell you what I’m not saying. And what I’m not saying is that there is never a time to call people out on the way they’re relating to fandom. If someone is calling a character a slut/whore/whatever and saying she doesn’t deserve Perfect Guy, it’s okay to call that person out on that behavior. If someone is saying that an evil character’s very evil actions are justified, it’s okay to not be okay with that. If someone is dismissing an *ism that you see in a show by saying that it doesn’t matter that it’s there, go ahead and call them out on it!
But in a broader context, I think it’s better, as a general rule, to talk mostly about problematic patterns in fandom as opposed to specific behaviors of individuals. This is sort of like when we talk about feminism and how we make a commitment not to hate on women who buy into the lies that society is telling them and perpetuate those lies. Instead, we hate the lies themselves. The same sort of thing should happen in fandom.
And this should go without saying, but apparently it needs to be said? Just because you like something better, doesn't mean it's objectively better. And just because you think of yourself as progressive doesn't mean that everything you love becomes progressive. And just because other people have other opinions about things than you do does not mean that they are wrong or that you are better than them. There is no "right" way to watch a show or read a book or view a movie. And the idea that there is is what lead us to millenia of powerful rich white guys deciding what works of literature were important (basically everything that supported their worldview) and which ones weren't (the ones that didn't). FANDOM IS NOT A COMPETITION.
This weekend when we were talking about that absolutely brilliant Man Pain vid, a couple of people mentioned that it made them feel guilty. Like it was judging them for liking specific characters that were featured in the vid. And I don’t think that’s the point. I mean, several of my favorites were featured there. I love Mulder, despite the fact that he’s really an idiot. I mean, the guy has zero sense of self-preservation, he’s pretty much the reason that Dead Little Sister exists as a Trope, he’s often overcome with his Man Pain, and—let’s face it—if he didn’t have Scully and Skinner around to save his ass, he’d be dead seven million times over. But despite all of those things, I do love him. And I don’t feel like the vid was picking on me as an individual for loving that individual character. Instead, the vid was trying to say, “Look how often this trope comes up. We see it over and over again in ways we don’t see depictions of other kinds of characters. This trope consistently privileges men’s angst over the stories of women and other oppressed groups. Isn’t that problematic? Can we talk about this?” It’s about the ubiquity of that trope in the stories our cultures tell, not about me as an individual liking an individual character.
I think this would also be the best way to approach conversations about female characters in fandom. Instead of attacking someone else for not liking Bonnie Bennett or Britta Perry or Martha Jones or Sansa Stark or whoever (because hey! There are legitimate reasons not to like each individual character!), let’s talk about how fandom at large consistently privileges the stories of white men, how fandom at large attacks qualities in women that it lauds in men, how fandom at large is, honestly, pretty messed up. And that’s what’s problematic! It isn’t the individual stuff! It isn’t you liking that character or me thinking that plotline is really interesting. It’s the way problematic things pop up over and over and over again. It’s the way that people who aren’t white males are sidelined again and again and again and again. It’s the way that no matter when and where a story is set, Hollywood will figure out a way to make that story about a white guy.
And I know that little things add up. I realize that these larger societal behaviors are made up of smaller behaviors of individuals and groups. I get that. But what good does it do to attack another person? None. It does no good. [This also comes up again and again in talking about slash in fandom. People who really love female characters say, “Why does every fandom become about the pretty white guys shagging?” And then the people who like the pretty white guys shagging feel defensive, and it all becomes a big ugly thing. Every. Time.]
At the same time, I’m not saying that it’s impossible to make objective statements. I’m pretty comfortable, for instance, saying that, say, Supernatural is more misogynist than Parks and Recreation. But honestly, I’m not really sure what good that does? I can say that, but…why would I? Again: it does no good.
Fandom is not a competition. If you say that your show is more feminist or progressive or whatever than another show is as a way of putting down other fans, or if you bash another ship as being really *ist or whatever…do you win anything? It accomplishes nothing except creating ugliness in a place—fandom—that should be about love: love of stories and characters and creation and community (I know, I know: I’m sappy. Deal with it).
And frankly, if you don’t have any mercy or empathy in your heart to understand that other people have different perspectives, the other stories might work for other people in ways that they don’t work for you, and that all of this is okay then…I’m not really sure I care to be around you. Fandom is where I go to be happy. Yes, I think it’s also important to examine the problematic aspects of things we consume if we’re so inclined. But when it comes down to it, if I’m not enjoying my time in fandom the way I would any other hobby…then there’s no point.
So let me tell you how I think fandom should work.
I like what I like. You like what you like. If those things aren’t the same things, maybe we sometimes have conversations about why we don’t like things that other people like, as long as that conversation is respectful and in the right spirit. And if we can’t talk to each other without it becoming nasty, then we avoid that topic or we just don’t interact with each other or whatever needs to happen to keep fandom a place of respect for each other.
We talk about the fandom-wide problems as we see them, but the ones who are speaking don’t attack other individuals and the ones who happen to love things that fall under the umbrella of those problems don’t become defensive because they think they’re being picked on.
I acknowledge that there are aspects of a canon that you find really rewarding or important that just don’t work for me. You do the same for me. We all hold hands and sing kumbaya and I buy the world a Coke and everything is beautiful and happy and lovely. Right?
Okay, so that’s never going to happen. Fandom is a wanky, wanky place, and I suspect there are people out there who are in it actually for the wank. But for the rest of us, the ones who want to try to keep this happy, can’t we do this? I haven’t always been perfect at this, and I know just how hard it can be not to become incredibly defensive when someone is criticizing something you relate to or a story or character that’s really, really important to you. It’s hard. But let’s have mercy and kindness and compassion and empathy, and let’s try. Please. Okay?
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