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This is really 101, I know, but it's been on my mind lately
I really want to read this book.
Man (heh), society is toxic for men and boys. It teaches them that masculinity is about domination, control, aggression, and violence (especially towards women). If that’s what the world is telling men it means to be masculine, how can we possibly be surprised when men turn around and beat up on those weaker than them (including physically weaker men, women, and children) and commit rape and sexual harassment?
And when we tell women that they are objects that men use to prove their own masculinity (a vessel, if you will), then how can we be surprised when that's all they believe they are? When they fall victim to horrible body image and catty competition, when they stay in bad relationships (and yes, I know it's a lot more complicated than that when abuse enters in), when they feel as though they have to look a certain way in order to be worth anything?
Even though it means a lack of power in a lot of ways, I'm glad I'm a woman and not a man. I just imagine it's so much harder for men to emerge from the poisonous environment unscathed. In a lot of ways, it's just easier for women to know what our problems are--street harassment and all of the women we know who've been the victims of sexual violence (or we ourselves have been)--those things smack you in the face, they're impossible to ignore. But the ways the patriarchy hurts men are so much more insidious, and if they're not paying attention, I can see how they could believe it's good for them (not that there aren't a lot of insidious things that hurt women, too, because whoa boy are there. But I think our major wounds are more evident). I really think this is the reason why I genuinely know more good women than I do men and why I value such good men so highly. It shouldn't be, but it's a real accomplishment to become a mature man of integrity in this society. Of course, it's also a real accomplishment to become a woman with her own inner strength that hasn't been suffocated by society as well.
I often think I won't get married because I haven't ever found a guy I'd even consider marrying (well, that's not true. But they were all already married--all the good ones get snatched up, right?). I have a lot of good guy friends, thank God, and some truly wonderful men in my family, but for some reason I haven't ever met a guy that I think I could spend my life with. But if I do, and if I have kids, I know what I want to teach them.
I want them to be responsible, have integrity, be mature, be compassionate and kind, be hard workers, be patient and honest, hold their power in check, be generous, be good leaders and good followers (we all play both roles at various points in our lives, and both are important), to be aware of their privilege, and act like adults. I want them to be good people towards everyone all the time. And of course since I'm a Christian other traits will enter in as well--servanthood and sacrifice and righteousness and other specifically Christian qualities. And all of this regardless of gender.
But the idea of having kids also terrifies me because even if my husband and I are teaching our kids this (and hopefully our friends and family are doing similar teaching as well), the rest of society is going to be inundating them with all this poison, all these horrible lies about who they are and how they can prove their own worth. Like...how can I compete with that? Scary.
Basically, masculine studies (and gender studies in general) is the most interesting thing ever. Right, Elyssa?
Man (heh), society is toxic for men and boys. It teaches them that masculinity is about domination, control, aggression, and violence (especially towards women). If that’s what the world is telling men it means to be masculine, how can we possibly be surprised when men turn around and beat up on those weaker than them (including physically weaker men, women, and children) and commit rape and sexual harassment?
And when we tell women that they are objects that men use to prove their own masculinity (a vessel, if you will), then how can we be surprised when that's all they believe they are? When they fall victim to horrible body image and catty competition, when they stay in bad relationships (and yes, I know it's a lot more complicated than that when abuse enters in), when they feel as though they have to look a certain way in order to be worth anything?
Even though it means a lack of power in a lot of ways, I'm glad I'm a woman and not a man. I just imagine it's so much harder for men to emerge from the poisonous environment unscathed. In a lot of ways, it's just easier for women to know what our problems are--street harassment and all of the women we know who've been the victims of sexual violence (or we ourselves have been)--those things smack you in the face, they're impossible to ignore. But the ways the patriarchy hurts men are so much more insidious, and if they're not paying attention, I can see how they could believe it's good for them (not that there aren't a lot of insidious things that hurt women, too, because whoa boy are there. But I think our major wounds are more evident). I really think this is the reason why I genuinely know more good women than I do men and why I value such good men so highly. It shouldn't be, but it's a real accomplishment to become a mature man of integrity in this society. Of course, it's also a real accomplishment to become a woman with her own inner strength that hasn't been suffocated by society as well.
I often think I won't get married because I haven't ever found a guy I'd even consider marrying (well, that's not true. But they were all already married--all the good ones get snatched up, right?). I have a lot of good guy friends, thank God, and some truly wonderful men in my family, but for some reason I haven't ever met a guy that I think I could spend my life with. But if I do, and if I have kids, I know what I want to teach them.
I want them to be responsible, have integrity, be mature, be compassionate and kind, be hard workers, be patient and honest, hold their power in check, be generous, be good leaders and good followers (we all play both roles at various points in our lives, and both are important), to be aware of their privilege, and act like adults. I want them to be good people towards everyone all the time. And of course since I'm a Christian other traits will enter in as well--servanthood and sacrifice and righteousness and other specifically Christian qualities. And all of this regardless of gender.
But the idea of having kids also terrifies me because even if my husband and I are teaching our kids this (and hopefully our friends and family are doing similar teaching as well), the rest of society is going to be inundating them with all this poison, all these horrible lies about who they are and how they can prove their own worth. Like...how can I compete with that? Scary.
Basically, masculine studies (and gender studies in general) is the most interesting thing ever. Right, Elyssa?
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But pro atheltes/world-competitive ones just blow my mind. Even if I was so inclined and talented, I don't think I'd do it--it really does end up tearing up your body long-term, and in most sports you hit your peak young. Then what will you do?
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Yeah, I don't think I'd let my kids do ballet - just from having seen what it does to your feet.
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Of course, players do break their necks. A college player here just broke his about a week ago. Really tragic.
Yeah, I don't think I'd let my kids do ballet - just from having seen what it does to your feet.
Agreed.
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But it also involves hugely big kicks, and jumping up in the air to-
...you know what? Watch this. Three minutes long, and it'll give you a better idea of what I'm talking about than anything I could ever describe.
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And when they like climb up on top of each other to catch the ball! THAT IS SO COOL! But you're right--it's a wonder they don't break their necks.
How big of a deal is the sport in general? I'd say football is America's #1 sport--sorry, baseball. Something like soccer would rank way, way low. The stadiums in those shots looked kinda empty when the cameras pulled back.
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How big a deal is it? Hmm...
Let me put it this way: you know how, at camps, or in new schools, or other places where they go round the circle and make you all introduce yourselves, they'll sort of end up going "Okay, what's your name, what job do you do, and what colour is your toothbrush?" - you know the sort of thing.
Well, in Victoria, one of the questions will always be "What team do you go for?" And they don't even say which sport they're talking about - just assume you know it's footy.
Aussie Rules is HUGE down here.
It's not as major in the rest of Australia, though. Most of the teams are from Victoria; although they're starting to get more from the other states.
On the other hand, we definitely have a different kind of sporting culture from you guys: no sports scholarships, for instance. The idea of "college football" is completely foreign to us (heh - literally).
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no sports scholarships, for instance. The idea of "college football" is completely foreign to us (heh - literally).
That is a very, very good thing. *is envious*