Entry tags:
on health security
I was talking with ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dollsome yesterday about mask-wearing and general Covid anxiety, and I want to expand that conversation because I'm interested in other people's povs.
I see people (mostly my online friends tbh--I have not heard anyone say this in real life, which could just be reflective of the fact that I live in a red state or it could be that I have not signaled that I am open to hearing these things) asking, "Why is everyone acting like the pandemic is over? Why aren't they wearing masks? Why aren't they scared?"
And I think this raises an important distinction between perspectives on this topic, and I want to explore it from my own perspective.
I still wear masks in indoor public places. I put one on when I go to the grocery store, when I went to a play last month, and definitely always when I'm in an airport or plane.
But I really don't do that because I personally feel anxiety about catching Covid. I wear masks because I have seen so many immune-compromised people online essentially begging people to do so. They are still so scared and they feel like no one cares about them. And I want to make sure they live in a safer world and also I want them to know that I care about them. That is why I still wear masks.*
But if I wasn't hearing those voices? I would not be wearing one.
Because I don't feel the anxiety. I know intellectually that the pandemic is ongoing. But it feels over for me. Maybe this is just my own foolishness and immaturity. But I think it's actually because I'm not used to my safety being on the line.
I have had a myriad of tiny-to-medium-sized health concerns in my life (everything from stitches to IBS to clinical depression). I've known physical pain and discomfort and I've sure as hell known mental pain and discomfort. But never once has my life been on the line. When I worry about health concerns, I worry about pain, about it getting worse, etc. But I have never once felt the kind of existential fear that someone whose life is in jeopardy feels. I don't worry about dying.+ Nor have I felt the kind of everyday knowledge that people with chronic pain carry around where every action is freighted with consequences for the future (of the "If I do this today, I will literally not be able to get out of bed tomorrow" variety). I just don't have those experiences.
And I think most people don't. Most of us go through life taking our health more or less for granted. Now, this comes from a place of enormous privilege, I know that. Privilege that could disappear for anyone in seconds and without warning. But while you're operating within that privilege, I think it's really hard to make yourself feel the danger that a subset of the population feels daily.
I don't feel it. But I interact online with people who do feel it, and I care about them, and so I realize that my perspective is skewed. So I choose to wear a mask.
But if I weren't interacting with those people? Or if I was, but they weren't saying these things because they didn't feel they could trust me? I think I would think people who are still wearing masks who aren't immuno-compromised themselves are being alarmist and I would roll my eyes at them.
And I think that's where the majority of people are at. I think that is one of the two big reasons people (at least in the US) aren't wearing masks anymore and are acting like the pandemic is over. (The other is the politicization of the issue, and the ugly defiance that a lot of right-wing people feel about the whole topic. But left-wing people aren't wearing masks either, so it's clearly not the only factor.)
And I have to admit, there is a part of me that grumbles when I put on my mask. "What, am I going to have to do this forever? Do we all just have to do this for the rest of humanity's existence because of the people who are immuno-compromised?"
Which I realize is an ugly reaction. I'm actively fighting it. I still decide to put on the mask. But if even I, who am constantly reminded that people still want us to wear masks, still feel this way, it doesn't surprise me that other people might be even more careless or callous about the issue.
*There are exceptions to this. I think I will always wear masks for the rest of my life on planes/in airports/in public transit, because it's just so easy to catch any kind of contagion there. And I will also wear them when I personally have a cold or something that makes me all sneezy and gross, just because I don't want to give it to someone else!
+Unless I'm catastrophizing, but that's a different thing related to my anxiety/depression.
dollsome yesterday about mask-wearing and general Covid anxiety, and I want to expand that conversation because I'm interested in other people's povs.I see people (mostly my online friends tbh--I have not heard anyone say this in real life, which could just be reflective of the fact that I live in a red state or it could be that I have not signaled that I am open to hearing these things) asking, "Why is everyone acting like the pandemic is over? Why aren't they wearing masks? Why aren't they scared?"
And I think this raises an important distinction between perspectives on this topic, and I want to explore it from my own perspective.
I still wear masks in indoor public places. I put one on when I go to the grocery store, when I went to a play last month, and definitely always when I'm in an airport or plane.
But I really don't do that because I personally feel anxiety about catching Covid. I wear masks because I have seen so many immune-compromised people online essentially begging people to do so. They are still so scared and they feel like no one cares about them. And I want to make sure they live in a safer world and also I want them to know that I care about them. That is why I still wear masks.*
But if I wasn't hearing those voices? I would not be wearing one.
Because I don't feel the anxiety. I know intellectually that the pandemic is ongoing. But it feels over for me. Maybe this is just my own foolishness and immaturity. But I think it's actually because I'm not used to my safety being on the line.
I have had a myriad of tiny-to-medium-sized health concerns in my life (everything from stitches to IBS to clinical depression). I've known physical pain and discomfort and I've sure as hell known mental pain and discomfort. But never once has my life been on the line. When I worry about health concerns, I worry about pain, about it getting worse, etc. But I have never once felt the kind of existential fear that someone whose life is in jeopardy feels. I don't worry about dying.+ Nor have I felt the kind of everyday knowledge that people with chronic pain carry around where every action is freighted with consequences for the future (of the "If I do this today, I will literally not be able to get out of bed tomorrow" variety). I just don't have those experiences.
And I think most people don't. Most of us go through life taking our health more or less for granted. Now, this comes from a place of enormous privilege, I know that. Privilege that could disappear for anyone in seconds and without warning. But while you're operating within that privilege, I think it's really hard to make yourself feel the danger that a subset of the population feels daily.
I don't feel it. But I interact online with people who do feel it, and I care about them, and so I realize that my perspective is skewed. So I choose to wear a mask.
But if I weren't interacting with those people? Or if I was, but they weren't saying these things because they didn't feel they could trust me? I think I would think people who are still wearing masks who aren't immuno-compromised themselves are being alarmist and I would roll my eyes at them.
And I think that's where the majority of people are at. I think that is one of the two big reasons people (at least in the US) aren't wearing masks anymore and are acting like the pandemic is over. (The other is the politicization of the issue, and the ugly defiance that a lot of right-wing people feel about the whole topic. But left-wing people aren't wearing masks either, so it's clearly not the only factor.)
And I have to admit, there is a part of me that grumbles when I put on my mask. "What, am I going to have to do this forever? Do we all just have to do this for the rest of humanity's existence because of the people who are immuno-compromised?"
Which I realize is an ugly reaction. I'm actively fighting it. I still decide to put on the mask. But if even I, who am constantly reminded that people still want us to wear masks, still feel this way, it doesn't surprise me that other people might be even more careless or callous about the issue.
*There are exceptions to this. I think I will always wear masks for the rest of my life on planes/in airports/in public transit, because it's just so easy to catch any kind of contagion there. And I will also wear them when I personally have a cold or something that makes me all sneezy and gross, just because I don't want to give it to someone else!
+Unless I'm catastrophizing, but that's a different thing related to my anxiety/depression.
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I’ve been thinking about this since we were talking about it yesterday — The number one thing that keeps me really wary of catching COVID again myself is that I have asthma, I know how it feels to not be able to breathe, and I really want to avoid anything that could cause even more respiratory damage than I’ve already got (which, my lungs aren’t in great shape anyway due to a lifetime of allergic asthma, whoOoOo!).
I realized yesterday that I can’t really identify with a baseline feeling of health-related “I’m not gonna die from this” safety, so it’s so interesting to be reminded that other people actually do feel that! It made me realize I have been automatically putting my default perspective on other people in that regard and assuming we all felt the same about it. 😂
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I know how it feels to not be able to breathe
Yeah, I've never experienced this except for, like, random moments when I choke or something. We're so so so shaped by our experiences!
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Rationally, I think I would probably be okay if I caught Covid (my parents, aunt, and brother all recovered without getting Long Covid), but I am really pretty scared of the possibility of developing Long Covid and becoming disabled in some form. I think a lot of that fear has to do with the fact that I'm single, don't live near my siblings, and wouldn't want to become dependent on my parents.
Like you, I'm probably more aware than most about the immunocompromised community and how masking protects them. Early in the pandemic I virtually dated an immunocompromised woman (and am still friends with her). Knowing her definitely impacted my outlook on the pandemic as a public health emergency, but I'm a very paranoid, worry-prone person in general, so I think I'd continue being cautious even without that relationship. I've always been a pessimist who tends to assume the worst, so for me, assuming that catching Covid would translate into Long Covid is really par for the course.
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Yeah, that makes so much sense. I totally get that.
but I'm a very paranoid, worry-prone person in general, so I think I'd continue being cautious even without that relationship.
Yes, disposition and neurodiversity no doubt have a big impact on this too. A person who's prone to anxiety is definitely going to worry about it more than a person who isn't. I have anxiety, but it's almost never bout health, only about relationships and, like, humanity overall. I just don't think I'm wired to worry about this particular topic in the way a lot of my online friends do.
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I am one of the most covid-cautious people I know. But it's not because I'm anxious, or because immunocompromised people have asked for it, though both of those things are true. It's because I know what kind of post-covid ongoing health effects can be, and I've weighed the risk-reward ratio. I've read about various studies into post-covid long term effects. And I personally know irl two people in my age bracket who became significantly disabled due to post-covid symptoms. I know many more people who aren't disabled, but have noticeable ongoing effects for months or years after a covid infection. I am not interested in risking my long-term health and well-being, or that of the people around me. And wearing a mask is a bit of an inconvenience but it is worth it to me to lower that risk. Plus I have not had a single illness in the last three years, when previously I reliably got two colds every winter, and it's real nice to not be regularly sick!
On the other hand, what I think actually needs to happen is a major push to improve air movement and ventilation in public buildings, so that masks are less necessary for preventing transmission! Masks are great but putting the entire onus of public health on individual choices instead of systemic changes is not an effective long term strategy. A friend of mine who studies emergency management has been a really great resource for me in developing my perspective on this, and it saddens me to see how little this aspect is talked about elsewhere.
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I think another major difference is the fact that I do not know anyone my age who has been affected long-term. I know some elderly people who died, but that feels like a separate thing from me. It doesn't make me want to wear a mask for me, it makes me want to wear a mask for old people. Whereas if I knew anyone personally under the age of 70 who had really suffered, probably the reality of it would feel more pressing. Does that make sense?
If we were going to map out people's likelihood to wear a mask after the mandates are over, I think it would have axes like political persuasion, experience of health overall (which I referenced in this post), how many people you know who have been deeply affected by it, and anxiety. Probably a couple more that I'm not thinking of!
[eta] And YES YES YES re: systemic solutions! I could not agree more!!!!
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Yeah, that absolutely makes sense, I think it's a very common thing to not feel personal investment in an idea unless it affects one's own circle. Though I think for me it's less about the particular people I know who are affected and more that I think in the circles I run in (or the disability activists I follow online maybe?) I have so much more exposure to the idea that long covid is a thing that it feels normalized and real to me that of course covid comes with potential long-term effects, and it is messaging I've been hearing from very early on.
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Otoh, it makes me feel better to think that a lot of people who are not masking are not nefarious. They don't have bad motives, just bad information. Which is better than thinking they're just jerks who don't care about other people. (Though some undoubtedly are.)
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Recently I was at a workshop where I was talking with someone else and she repeated a right-wing lie in a way that made it clear she fully believed it, but without the right-wing attitude behind it? Which was a fascinating mix I have not met before. (did you know that some people identify as CATS and so there are LITTER BOXES in schools so that kids can have the bathroom experience of their identity!!!! but she was like, well, that's not my thing, but we gotta do what we gotta do to let people be themselves!)
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There's the rub, right? It's a sweet spot of finding people who you disagree with about all kinds of things, but who also will still treat you with basic human dignity. Which can be a difficult thing to find!
That anecdote is JAW-DROPPING. Wow.
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Like I said, the people I know who are asking for masks are all online. And I freely admit that the only reason I'm still wearing mine (outside of those exceptions like public transit) is because of the guilt I feel when I think about not putting it on and then think about them.
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Everyone I know has already had COVID, with the exception of my son. My mother got COVID from a house guest, as did my sister, who was her caregiver. My mother was treated with Paxlovid and appeared to recover--but she was never the same and died a few months later. She was 96 so perhaps it was just her time. My sister developed a face rash while she was recovering which has never completely gone away. Just when she thinks it's finally gone, it recurs. None of the treatments her dermatologist tried have cleared it. I suspect it's an unusual form of long COVID. It doesn't sound that serious but it's quite disfiguring, is causing damage to her skin and to her self-esteem. She feels embarrassed to leave the house.
We don't know all of the long term consequences of COVID infection. We know it crosses the blood-brain barrier. When the bodied of people who have had COVID are autopsied, active COVID virus is still able to be cultured. To see so many people treating this disease like it's no big deal is so depressing to me. The CDC isn't even following the science with their recommendations, and this is under a Democratic administration. God knows what will happen when the Republicans take over again, as they inevitably will. Oh, and the mask mandate in health care facilities is set to expire in California in April. After that, nowhere will be safe for me. Even now, healthcare workers are wearing those worthless paper surgical masks. I'm sticking with my N-95, thank you very much.
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I am so sorry to hear about your mother and also about your sister's rash, and also to know that you do not feel safe. The feelings of people like you are exactly the reason I choose to wear a mask. I want people to feel as safe as they possibly can.