I relate to this post so much. I didn't think that there was really anything wrong with how long it has taken me to get through my MA until I was suddenly surrounded by a group of girls just out of their BAs. And then I realized that I got my BA the same year that they graduated HS. And then came the inevitable: OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME I AM SUCH A LOSER.
which in turn led my thesis to go nowhere.
So now I'm sitting in my teeny BKK apartment feeling like I've accomplished nothing and every time I contemplate working on my thesis, I just... can't. To the point that I'm now reaching 2 YEARS of supposedly writing and just don't care.
I honestly have been contemplating just dropping my MA.
Seriously my brain has decided that throwing away 2 years of coursework is preferable to writing a really long paper.
Which of course is exhausting to me as an introvert. Deep conversation about ideas stimulate me. Small talk drains. I'm far past thinking that makes me better than people who are good at small talk; I'm just wired differently. This is so interesting to me because I always think of myself as an extrovert - but THIS defines my social needs perfectly. If I *don't* get stimulating conversations, I get really blue and sometimes get a case of the mean reds. Like a toddler who needs food/a nap. But trying to get me to small talk when I'm feeling this way makes me feel even worse. And I get the sense extroverts don't often have that problem.
I feel like I just jumped on this post to whine. So.
I'm sorry that you are stressed about turning 27. Let it be. Let the stress be what it is and talk about it, but be happy when you are happy and nervous when you are nervous and sad when you are sad.
A lot of this post (and your others) seem to be about a nervousness for not feeling a certain way - rather than being. Like: you are happy and there's all this pressure to only feel happy if you have certain things or have done certain things. Just... you're awesome, okay? I think you've probably accomplished more than you think you have.
If anything....
Our lives, at the end, are measured in the people that we have touched and the positive energy that we have put into the world. You touch so many people every day with your light and your thoughtfulness. Your fic and your energy and your thoughts are reaching out to people and bringing people together (where would I be without Ranya and Joanne? I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW. And I know you are responsible for that) - opening minds and hearts. I know the timeline is hard to shake but...
...
I'm still shipping you with that still unknown old man on the bus stop in your future.
You're going to be so cute.
Or you won't. Or something else will happen. Or nothing else will happen. Or everything else will happen.
It's easy to forget in the heat of life - but the stories that we love the most are the ones that give us something unexpected. There's a purpose to the expected Star Wars/Campbellian Hero's Journey - but then we get really lovely things that are nothing like that at all. And it's always so thrilling and lovely.
So you aren't on the standard path to the American Dream. You're on a path somewhere else. And that's exciting because it's unexpected and unpredictable.
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I relate to this post so much. I didn't think that there was really anything wrong with how long it has taken me to get through my MA until I was suddenly surrounded by a group of girls just out of their BAs. And then I realized that I got my BA the same year that they graduated HS. And then came the inevitable: OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME I AM SUCH A LOSER.
which in turn led my thesis to go nowhere.
So now I'm sitting in my teeny BKK apartment feeling like I've accomplished nothing and every time I contemplate working on my thesis, I just... can't. To the point that I'm now reaching 2 YEARS of supposedly writing and just don't care.
I honestly have been contemplating just dropping my MA.
Seriously my brain has decided that throwing away 2 years of coursework is preferable to writing a
really longpaper.Which of course is exhausting to me as an introvert. Deep conversation about ideas stimulate me. Small talk drains. I'm far past thinking that makes me better than people who are good at small talk; I'm just wired differently.
This is so interesting to me because I always think of myself as an extrovert - but THIS defines my social needs perfectly. If I *don't* get stimulating conversations, I get really blue and sometimes get a case of the mean reds. Like a toddler who needs food/a nap. But trying to get me to small talk when I'm feeling this way makes me feel even worse. And I get the sense extroverts don't often have that problem.
I feel like I just jumped on this post to whine. So.
I'm sorry that you are stressed about turning 27. Let it be. Let the stress be what it is and talk about it, but be happy when you are happy and nervous when you are nervous and sad when you are sad.
A lot of this post (and your others) seem to be about a nervousness for not feeling a certain way - rather than being. Like: you are happy and there's all this pressure to only feel happy if you have certain things or have done certain things. Just... you're awesome, okay? I think you've probably accomplished more than you think you have.
If anything....
Our lives, at the end, are measured in the people that we have touched and the positive energy that we have put into the world. You touch so many people every day with your light and your thoughtfulness. Your fic and your energy and your thoughts are reaching out to people and bringing people together (where would I be without Ranya and Joanne? I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW. And I know you are responsible for that) - opening minds and hearts. I know the timeline is hard to shake but...
...
I'm still shipping you with that still unknown old man on the bus stop in your future.
You're going to be so cute.
Or you won't. Or something else will happen. Or nothing else will happen. Or everything else will happen.
It's easy to forget in the heat of life - but the stories that we love the most are the ones that give us something unexpected. There's a purpose to the expected Star Wars/Campbellian Hero's Journey - but then we get really lovely things that are nothing like that at all. And it's always so thrilling and lovely.
So you aren't on the standard path to the American Dream. You're on a path somewhere else. And that's exciting because it's unexpected and unpredictable.
In conclusion: I love you.