See, for me it's not even that I memorized how my body looked at some point, and I still subconsciously think it hasn't changed. I see my body in a shape it never had, I'm HUGE in my mind. And I kinda want to shake all those teenage morons who mocked me for being fat/not pretty enough in junior high -- BECAUSE FUCK YOU, IDIOTS, I WAS PERFECTLY FINE BACK THEN.
And there's this magical thinking -- if only I become thin, my life will be better. I buy into it despite knowing just how stupid it is. I guess some issues/beliefs are just older than the knowledge we have, and they're so deeply ingrained we can't get rid of them, just can't. I can look in a mirror and find something to appreciate, I really can. But it doesn't matter, because being fat is a state of perpetual vulnerability: people look at you and they can mock you, they can judge what you eat, they can side-eye you when you're out of breath. A fat girl is hilarious when she's trying to look hot. So maybe there's some sense in our magical belief that losing weight will make things better?
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And there's this magical thinking -- if only I become thin, my life will be better. I buy into it despite knowing just how stupid it is. I guess some issues/beliefs are just older than the knowledge we have, and they're so deeply ingrained we can't get rid of them, just can't. I can look in a mirror and find something to appreciate, I really can. But it doesn't matter, because being fat is a state of perpetual vulnerability: people look at you and they can mock you, they can judge what you eat, they can side-eye you when you're out of breath. A fat girl is hilarious when she's trying to look hot. So maybe there's some sense in our magical belief that losing weight will make things better?