It's very difficult to talk about it impersonally if you have any issues at all. When I was younger (high school age, maybe), I would have been able to talk about it more objectively, but now I have issues myself sometimes and so it becomes from my pov. And I don't think that's a bad thing--these are things that affect us personally so we need to talk about those ways they affect us personally.

I'm smart, I know how those mechanisms work, I should know better! Watch me: a clever, strong, creative feminist who is miserable that she isn't thin.

I KNOW. It's almost worse when you're aware of how it all works because you feel like you should be able to keep yourself from feeling that way and yet you can't and it sometimes makes you feel guilty or just ridiculous. It's terrible.

Though right now my body is giving me a chance to break the cycle, because lately I just feel really shitty if I don't eat healthily. So the last six months, I've been losing weight in a way that's actually good for me.

That's great to hear.

When I think of myself, my body still looks like it did when I was in high school--very, very thin and with almost no curves. So then when I try on something that I think should 'look good' on me and it doesn't because my body has changed so much...it slams into me that I don't look that way anymore and that's when the frustration starts. The disconnect between how we look and how we think we look is so complicated and powerful.

I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I think one of the few ways to get better at this is talking about it.