I have only skimmed the comments because I was too anxious to jump in and comment on this lovely post. You just keep banging them out this week.
When I was a girl I was a Willow. I longed to be somebody worth noticing. I was shy with strangers but liked by other kids because I was unobtrusive. This was me for a long time.
When my boobs grew in and I learned about love I became a Spike. I mooned over love unrequited and tried and tried to find that perfect love. I gushed and gave and stoked some fire. I poured myself into my romantic relationships full-stop.
When I got my heart smashed I became a Buffy. There's nothing quite like loving someone with your whole EVERYTHING and then having it turn on you abruptly and horribly. When you get hurt like that, well, your heart can collapse in on itself. "Putting yourself out there" will likely never happen again. the kind of love you cherish from then on out is quiet, held close to the chest.
See, none of us EVER over-identifies with these characters, right? :)
I approached BtVS on first viewing as a Spike. He's still my default mode - if I'm frustrated or confused at any development going on - I usually revert to Spike's POV. Which, really, is how I learned to love Buffy SO much. Spike started as my favorite character. Then he had to scooch over and make room for Buffy. Because when I finally understood her, when I finally got it? That became a love unrivaled by anything. Spike made me do it. He loved her more than life, and made me look at her closer to understand why.
So, these day's I'm a Buffy. I love with my whole body and no one is immune from this love. I see the good in people - I actively seek it out. But I hold my heart close because I need it, and if I don't protect it then I worry no one will.
Wow - that was a bit of over-sharing, yes? Guess I'm still a Spike after all. :)
no subject
When I was a girl I was a Willow. I longed to be somebody worth noticing. I was shy with strangers but liked by other kids because I was unobtrusive. This was me for a long time.
When my boobs grew in and I learned about love I became a Spike. I mooned over love unrequited and tried and tried to find that perfect love. I gushed and gave and stoked some fire. I poured myself into my romantic relationships full-stop.
When I got my heart smashed I became a Buffy. There's nothing quite like loving someone with your whole EVERYTHING and then having it turn on you abruptly and horribly. When you get hurt like that, well, your heart can collapse in on itself. "Putting yourself out there" will likely never happen again. the kind of love you cherish from then on out is quiet, held close to the chest.
See, none of us EVER over-identifies with these characters, right? :)
I approached BtVS on first viewing as a Spike. He's still my default mode - if I'm frustrated or confused at any development going on - I usually revert to Spike's POV. Which, really, is how I learned to love Buffy SO much. Spike started as my favorite character. Then he had to scooch over and make room for Buffy. Because when I finally understood her, when I finally got it? That became a love unrivaled by anything. Spike made me do it. He loved her more than life, and made me look at her closer to understand why.
So, these day's I'm a Buffy. I love with my whole body and no one is immune from this love. I see the good in people - I actively seek it out. But I hold my heart close because I need it, and if I don't protect it then I worry no one will.
Wow - that was a bit of over-sharing, yes? Guess I'm still a Spike after all. :)