I'm still struggling with my own ambivalence and conflict, because, as you say, there is so much in the Jossverse to love. With DH, I think at least part of it was influenced by FOX's marketing of the more "sexy" surface overtones, and they pressured Joss to do the same in the shows themselves. It made for a weird addition to the mix, and as you say, subverts his own feminist message.

He has written some amazingly strong women over the years and one of the strengths of BtVS was that it was centred around a petite blonde fragile looking girl who did NOT need to be saved by some hero, but could kick ass all by herself Absolutely, and part of me will always be insanely grateful to him for that.