Re Band Candy, I feel like there's a difference between the glowhypnol, which immediately and specifically made Buffy want to 'have sex', while the Band Candy spell put them in a different state of mind, in which state they decided to have sex. Ethan made Joyce and Giles drunk and responsibility-free without their consent, but his motivation wasn't to make them have sex, and I think the intent does matter here. (In other words, it was a violation, but it wasn't a specifically sexual violation in the same way as the glowhypnol, WTWTA, BB&B and Willow wiping Tara's memory just before snuggle-time.)