It was fun, being young and cute forever - at first - and then the twenty-second century came along, bringing middle-age into vogue and leaving her too young to get a job and permanently treated like a child.

She wondered who she would have become had she stayed alive, whether wrinkles would have given her face the dignity she craved as much as every magazine wanted her to, whether she would ever have seen the light and gone silver-flecked-brunette before '96 and escaped the burdensome, cringe-worthy memories of her look up to the 80s.

It hurt to realise the answer: probably not.