lirazel | this starts out being about cql but asks a question about fannish writing in general

I....mostly just end up pumping out 150k and make my beta hate me?

orz

I respect this so hard. I'm too lazy for that!

I do have 150k words worth of Jiang Cheng feelings (and a specific plot), but they will never be written!

I wish I was done in 10k? ^^;;

Haha, understandable! But when you've got a lot to say, you've got a lot to say!

No, I have written about the neglected, tragic characters in my primary fandom. I've never tried to write fix-it fic for them. I've just described their situations a bit more sympathetically, a bit more in depth than the show itself managed. My best story was about a character who was disliked by the fandom at large. Naturally, no one has read it but I'm still pleased that I wrote it. Kyle loved it, thought I should "file off the serial numbers" and try to publish it.

I don't know the character so I can't comment on him specifically. The reasons why you find him compelling, but can't (won't?) write about him--that block might be worth exploring, see where it takes you.

I've just described their situations a bit more sympathetically, a bit more in depth than the show itself managed.

That makes a lot of sense! I always want to use fic to work towards healing for the characters when I'm writing about their issues, but your approach is a wonderful one.

My best story was about a character who was disliked by the fandom at large. Naturally, no one has read it but I'm still pleased that I wrote it. Kyle loved it, thought I should "file off the serial numbers" and try to publish it.

I love this!

that block might be worth exploring, see where it takes you.

That's so funny--I'm now working on a fic about him, but it's a major canon divergence where all the worse stuff just didn't happen to him at all. I still don't think I could ever write the kind of fic that lives in my head where that stuff does happen and he somehow works through it.

Wow. That was not a feeling I would have been able to put in words.
I think,back when I used to write, it actually did the opposite for me, as in I could write from the perspective of a character better the more I related to them, but I'd write in such an addictive way, like I'd keep trying to dig deeper into my head to think how I'd felt at so and so point and kind of use those feelings.

I'm trying to think why exactly I can't write about my favourite characters,because there's quite a lot of them. For example,I looooove Lan Xichen (LOL) but he's not easy for me to write because I can't get into his head, maybe because he's so accomplished and all around such a noble character and I'm not like him. I can somewhat do Jiang Cheng, but again, not really because I have not been close to the hurtful things he's had to go through.

I could probably do Jiang Yanli, but for some reason I never write from female character's POV, now that I think of it.

AAHHHH!I don't know if this is what you'd expected when you asked your question. :3

but I'd write in such an addictive way, like I'd keep trying to dig deeper into my head to think how I'd felt at so and so point and kind of use those feelings.

Oh that's so interesting! Just digging deeper and deeper!

For example,I looooove Lan Xichen (LOL) but he's not easy for me to write because I can't get into his head, maybe because he's so accomplished and all around such a noble character and I'm not like him.

It makes sense that it would be harder to write about even a beloved character that you don't have much in common with!

AAHHHH!I don't know if this is what you'd expected when you asked your question. :3

It's not, but I love the directions people take and I am glad you answered!

I've been thinking about this question all day and I haven't really thought of an example, so maybe not! I think the closest thing for me in fanfic is not wanting to write a character because I feel like I won't get their voice right for whatever reason. I do have one original fic project that I avoid 97% of the time because it grapples too much with my own personal problems, hee. Sometimes it's really cathartic but most of the time I'm like "NOPE, don't wanna think about that right now!!!!"

I think the closest thing for me in fanfic is not wanting to write a character because I feel like I won't get their voice right for whatever reason.

That's really interesting. I don't think I do that? I mean, there are lots of characters I don't care about enough to write. But if I love a character, I don't feel hesitation about diving into their perspective for that reason. We're all so different in how we write!

I do have one original fic project that I avoid 97% of the time because it grapples too much with my own personal problems, hee. Sometimes it's really cathartic but most of the time I'm like "NOPE, don't wanna think about that right now!!!!"

This makes so much sense! I'm glad you have that outlet for the 3% of the time when you need it!

I don't, actually! I think the character who comes closest for me is Elwing from the Silmarillion, and I've written more about her than about any other single character, perhaps because part of the pain for me is her narrative opacity, and I feel driven to penetrate that veil however I can.

perhaps because part of the pain for me is her narrative opacity, and I feel driven to penetrate that veil however I can.

Ooooh, I get that. I can so see how that would drive you to write more and explore further.

His whole story is about being left behind. It's about loving but not being able to communicate that in a way that's helpful. It's about being outshone by others. IT'S ABOUT LOSING EVERYONE YOU LOVE.

Oh man, that kind of character is my kryptonite--I love to write about them, and yet I find it really hard to do, and sometimes I can't write about them at all, or I can only make up stories in my head about them that never get written. And sometimes I can write stories about them, but they either stay in my drafts folder for years, or sometimes forever, or sometimes I can only share then after some time has gone by and I feel I have some closure/distance. This kind of story can definitely be too much, and sometimes I just don't have the spoons/bandwidth/strength to write it, which is why that distance can help. Sometimes it's the distance of time, letting it go by until I feel I can share the story. Sometimes it's the distance of difference--for example, writing about a character who is male/alien/has a different job/is from historical fandoms/etc. Although this doesn't always help, because to me the character's type is stronger than their gender/time period/etc., and sometimes nothing can change that they might be Too Much to write about. So I definitely relate to this post!

or I can only make up stories in my head about them that never get written.

I have so, so, so many of these!

or sometimes I can only share then after some time has gone by and I feel I have some closure/distance.

That makes sense.

ometimes it's the distance of time, letting it go by until I feel I can share the story. Sometimes it's the distance of difference--for example, writing about a character who is male/alien/has a different job/is from historical fandoms/etc.

Oh, wow, yeah, the different kinds of distance! That's so interesting!

Hmm I think I might come closest to this with Jin Guangyao? I really love him as a character and I understand his motivations etc., But so far I haven’t written him in a single fic because I can’t seem to find his “voice”? I really admire people who can write his character well, but I feel like I wouldn’t be able to do his clever, convoluted ways of thinking justice…

I have written from JC’s PoV, though that was a happy, self-indulgent AU. XD I’ve also had him in cameos or only a few scenes. Some might also be down to what you’re saying – there’s just so much that the fic would become so long and I don’t have time for that when I’ve already got several WiPs going! XD

Oh, that's interesting! He really is such a nuanced character--I have enormous sympathy for him even while I hate him for how he hurt my faves. But I agree that he would be incredibly difficult to write.

though that was a happy, self-indulgent AU.

JC deserves it!

there’s just so much that the fic would become so long and I don’t have time for that when I’ve already got several WiPs going! XD

Exactly!

Huh, that's fascinating to me, because it's so different from how I approach characters, even the characters I really care a lot (or too much) about! I can definitely see why you struggle to write Jiang Cheng given the above. For me though, I just....don't identify with characters. It's not how I engage with narratives. So it never feels too personal to me when I try to write about them. (ok the one exception to me not identifying with characters: as a child I identified hard with the main character of From Anna by Jean Little. But she's it! And I do still feel like I could write her, if I had reason to. But her struggles get directly addressed in canon, so she doesn't need a fan to write a 100k fix-it of her life, which helps, I'm guessing.)

There definitely are characters I love but struggle to write, though! Mostly ones who have a really distinctive voice that's so different from mine that I don't feel like I have a good chance of successfully capturing them on page. For example, I never successfully wrote a single SGA fanfic despite spending YEARS in that fandom, because I could not write John or Rodney in the slightest.

It's also interesting because I don't think of myself as relating to characters the way a lot of people talk about it. I don't really think I have much (if anything) in common with JC--we react to everything different. But I do think I am sensitive to the particular kinds of trauma certain characters have when it overlaps with mine.

as a child I identified hard with the main character of From Anna by Jean Little. But she's it! And I do still feel like I could write her, if I had reason to. But her struggles get directly addressed in canon, so she doesn't need a fan to write a 100k fix-it of her life, which helps, I'm guessing

I don't know this book, but I am so intrigued about this one particular character that you connected with on that level!

Mostly ones who have a really distinctive voice that's so different from mine that I don't feel like I have a good chance of successfully capturing them on page. For example, I never successfully wrote a single SGA fanfic despite spending YEARS in that fandom, because I could not write John or Rodney in the slightest

This makes total sense. I think we all have characters whose voices we know are just beyond us! That is really ironic when it's the main characters in your main fandom though! Did you write a lot of side character fic or did you mostly just read it?

It's also interesting because I don't think of myself as relating to characters the way a lot of people talk about it. I don't really think I have much (if anything) in common with JC--we react to everything different. But I do think I am sensitive to the particular kinds of trauma certain characters have when it overlaps with mine.

That makes sense! <3

I don't know this book, but I am so intrigued about this one particular character that you connected with on that level!

From Anna is a kid's book written in the 1970's by a Canadian author, Jean Little, about a german family who immigrate to Canada in the pre-WWII era as Hitler rises in power. The main character, Anna, is a girl who is awkward and shy and slow and weird, who comes across as standoffish and cold, who feels out of place everywhere. It turns out that she's been dealing with severe nearsightedness that leaves her functionally nearly blind this whole time, and her vision is not fully correctable, and she ends up in a class for disabled children where she finally is seen and appreciated for who she is, and is able to grow into herself and find friendship and love.

Thinking about it now, it might be in part that Anna's special because she's explicitly written as having a disability that directly impacts her life; there IS something different about her, it's not just that she's misunderstood or something. Jean Little specialized in writing books about kids with disabilities, because she was disabled herself and worked with disabled kids for a while, and she saw that good representation of disability was something sorely lacking in children's literature. And yes, Anna's blindness is different than my adhd/autism, but the ways it affected her were still enormously relatable to me, the way she reacted to being shunned for her weirdness, the way the world saw her and the way she understood herself. Even now, 50 years later, I still haven't seen any other characters like her in modern children's books (or adult books!).

Did you write a lot of side character fic or did you mostly just read it?

I did not write a single fic for SGA in all the years I was in the fandom!!

Ah, that book sounds lovely! I'm so glad you found it! And good for Jean Little. You're absolutely right that disability is missing in kids' lit especially (though also adult books).

I did not write a single fic for SGA in all the years I was in the fandom!!

It's me being a Trek fan!

Probably Faith? I love her so much but I think because of that I'm intimidated by the thought of writing her. Odd, because angsty girls who were failed by the family (and other) authority figures around them is like... very much my bag, at least in original fiction.

...Hmm, maybe because she hits too close to home, lol. Like you.

Ooooh! Faith! Yes, I can absolutely see that! I have written like 500 words from her pov and even that was difficult!

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