this to a girl on humanity’s true homeworld called Ana who only lived to be fifteen
the way this is phrased really comes off as if the homeworld is Ana, and the girl is unnamed.
she lovehateswillneverforgive her own mother
I'm guessing that "love[hates]" should be "loves[hates]"...unless its lovehate the single verb, rather than two pushed together. Um. My English teacher would kill me for carefully considering such a thing :P
One day she will walk where men leave no footprints.
<3 this line (and other lines, but it is a three-term-papers-plus-work-plus-classes week, and you do not want to see my sleep debt)
Actual review:
I've only ever watched the miniseries, and those a couple years back, but I loved this. Your style fits especially well with Alia and her teetering, jumbling sort of insanity. I shan't get into some of that overall, but it was exactly right for Alia. Vivid, a little too much and running on too far sideways only to whip back, and--yes. I think I sort of repeated myself right there, which is what happens when you spew 6000 words of term paper BS in 30 hours. I'm sort of exhausted right now, so this might be sort of jumbled as well, but in a less good way.
Mostly: excellent work, I loved it, and your style was just made for this kind of character.
no subject
as Gurney
ask?
this to a girl on humanity’s true homeworld called Ana who only lived to be fifteen
the way this is phrased really comes off as if the homeworld is Ana, and the girl is unnamed.
she lovehateswillneverforgive her own mother
I'm guessing that "love[hates]" should be "loves[hates]"...unless its lovehate the single verb, rather than two pushed together. Um. My English teacher would kill me for carefully considering such a thing :P
One day she will walk where men leave no footprints.
<3 this line (and other lines, but it is a three-term-papers-plus-work-plus-classes week, and you do not want to see my sleep debt)
Actual review:
I've only ever watched the miniseries, and those a couple years back, but I loved this. Your style fits especially well with Alia and her teetering, jumbling sort of
insanity. I shan't get into some of that overall, but it was exactly right for Alia. Vivid, a little too much and running on too far sideways only to whip back, and--yes. I think I sort of repeated myself right there, which is what happens when you spew 6000 words of term paper BS in 30 hours. I'm sort of exhausted right now, so this might be sort of jumbled as well, but in a less good way.Mostly: excellent work, I loved it, and your style was just made for this kind of character.
*trundles off to sleep*