Oh, I can imagine this was quite uncomfortable! I imagine it's something like how with family you don't always want to let people know the things that go on in the family group because they look strange from the outside.

we're so used to feeling FAMILIAR with them, but that's not the case here

Yes, exactly! It was SO STRANGE.

i didn't like the feeling of watching them from that standpoint (like a stranger...ugh i'm so sad).

I felt exactly the same way. I want them in a protective bubble of love, and they most certainly weren't here.