Yes, you articulated it wonderfully. Selfless is the most obvious episode in that respect - it finally puts Xander in Buffy's shoes, after years of him being judgmental of Buffy's choice of partners. I watched Dead Man's Party a few days ago and was shocked when Xander dismissed what Buffy went through with Angel as "boy troubles".
Also, I think the show mocks Xander's Nice Guy privilege in seasons 1 and 2, in many episodes in which he's complaining that Buffy prefers Angel to him, while ignoring Willow's feelings for him, though ironically the Xander/Willow situation at that point is the same as Buffy/Xander. Then he starts dating Cordelia and has to deal with the same kind of judgment and anger from Willow that he had shown Buffy for dating Angel. His jealous and proprietary behavior regarding Buffy and later Willow is also shown as ridiculous many times, and the same goes for his fantasies in which he constructs himself as a male hero saving Buffy's damsel (Teacher's Pet, Surprise).
no subject
Also, I think the show mocks Xander's Nice Guy privilege in seasons 1 and 2, in many episodes in which he's complaining that Buffy prefers Angel to him, while ignoring Willow's feelings for him, though ironically the Xander/Willow situation at that point is the same as Buffy/Xander. Then he starts dating Cordelia and has to deal with the same kind of judgment and anger from Willow that he had shown Buffy for dating Angel. His jealous and proprietary behavior regarding Buffy and later Willow is also shown as ridiculous many times, and the same goes for his fantasies in which he constructs himself as a male hero saving Buffy's damsel (Teacher's Pet, Surprise).