the bar for Xander is set very low by both Buffy and the show.

I agree, and I'm conflicted even about that, because I'm not sure how to gauge the audience. Buffy really might've been, and might still be, a lot of teens' first introduction to feminism? As much as that line at the end of BBB chafes for me - and I do think it's fair game for criticism, don't get me wrong - if it did some work for some people to chip away at the 'drunk girl wanted it' bullshit....I really have a hard time condemning it completely as a constructed work, even if it's something I would obviously condemn IRL. I don't watch Sesame Street and make a big show about being frustrated when the dumb kids get a pat on the back for being able to count to three. IDK, maybe other people have a higher opinion of the world than I do, but I'm operating under the assumption that yes, people still do need to learn to count to three on consent issues. Which is a poor statement on the environment at large, but it does change my evaluation of media constructed within and for that environment.