I think it is really difficult to avoid the re-enforcement of tropes when trying to depict believable characters, mainly because while fiction is constructed, it also comes from the "dark side of the moon", the non-rational, subconscious part of our psyche. Add to that the different blind spots a writer might have, and, in the case of commercial writing, the time pressure as well as the economical pressure to produce something sell-able

I completely agree with you.

articulate a lot of the things why i struggle with the character of Xander (and Angel) myself, but fortunately, i have a brain to think for myself and thus the ability to actually decipher Xander's behaviour as well as muse on the circumstances which led the writers to write the character in a certain way.

(And no-one in the world is able to force me to like a character or hate a character.)

Hahaha! So true! I'm in the same boat, and I wish more people were (not to sound all holier-than-thou, but I do think a lot of people don't watch TV with their thinking caps on when they really should). I also agree that Angel's hugely problematic as well.