I like this post. I don't feel like I have anything intelligent to add (partly because I have classes imminently and don't have time to actually think beyond "me likey"), but if you don't mind critique of the portrayal of Xander in the comments, I agree that it's really neat in some ways that the writers so accurately depicted a Nice Guy like Xander, but I think they largely failed in showing how his behaviors were wrong because (a) he's never "punished" for his behavior (the way you could argue that Willow is "punished" for her misuse of magic through Tara's death or how Buffy is "punished" for enjoying casual/violent sex through the AR- note, not at all condoning those "punishments," because they're abhorrent things for the writers to have purposefully done, but I do think "punishment" is a legit reading of those events and it's interesting that Xander is not similarly "punished" after "Hell's Bells"- no, he gets to be the freaking hero and stops the Evil Lesbian Witch!). I'm not saying he should have been punished because as I said above, that's a pretty awful thing to do, but his actions rarely have lasting consequences the way the female characters' actions do.
And (b) the other characters go out of their way to condone his actions or approve them or say what a good guy he is- frex, in Gabs' recent feminist filter review of BBB, she notes how Buffy praises Xander for not raping her. Praises! UGH. There are also tons of other examples, like no one taking him to task for "Hell's Bells" or his horrid slut-shaming in "Entropy" (noooo, instead we get Buffy telling him a few episodes later how much she loves him and needs him ~and by extension his approval? Ugh).
So...those are my thoughts on Xander. I don't think the writers did recognize how bad his behavior was, and they often used other characters, usually female characters, to affirm/assure the audience that he was, in fact, a good guy.
I might have thoughts on writing? Will have to ponder. But I completely understand where you're coming from on writing bad behavior, and I question the same thing myself.
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And (b) the other characters go out of their way to condone his actions or approve them or say what a good guy he is- frex, in Gabs' recent feminist filter review of BBB, she notes how Buffy praises Xander for not raping her. Praises! UGH. There are also tons of other examples, like no one taking him to task for "Hell's Bells" or his horrid slut-shaming in "Entropy" (noooo, instead we get Buffy telling him a few episodes later how much she loves him and needs him ~and by extension his approval? Ugh).
So...those are my thoughts on Xander. I don't think the writers did recognize how bad his behavior was, and they often used other characters, usually female characters, to affirm/assure the audience that he was, in fact, a good guy.
I might have thoughts on writing? Will have to ponder. But I completely understand where you're coming from on writing bad behavior, and I question the same thing myself.