That silence and the way his father and brother’s gazes skittered away from each other ached more than the bruises and cuts in the aftermath of a job. As he got older, he would seek out trouble, take unnecessary risks, because the only thing that could shake Dad and Sam out of their grudges was the sight of blood. This and the next line utterly killed me. Dean can handle monsters and spirits and being cut on and messed around but he can't, just simply can't handle that break between his father and his brother. He can't handle the way their family doesn't fit. That he's more than willing to get himself hurt to fix it, that's such a Dean mentality. You really get inside his head and it hurts to read because you're watching Dean from the inside out.
But he had never hit them.
But then, Sam had never used Mom as a weapon, either. Dean wasn’t sure which one hurt worse. killed me dead.
Except that he, Dean, had left. And suddenly it all fell into place, and he understood. He left. He told Sam that that was okay, that anger was enough to rip them apart, that it was stronger than them. That is exactly it. Dean would take the blame upon himself, that he didn't do his job he didn't show Sammy, he wasn't there to be the buffer, to organise a compromise. And that would have killed Dean. You totally got that and it makes it so hurtful to read because, as I said above, you are watching these boys. You're watching Dean tear himself apart with guilt.
without Dean to absorb the sharp edges and sudden explosions of their tempers (he was pretty sure that if you could see his soul, it would be bruised and battered and patched up). Again you manage to destroy both Dean and myself. That line about his soul is just so achingly beautiful and painful because no young man should have that burden.
“What are you smoking? Of course we need you. Who’s going to reach the really high stuff?” Damn it, Sammy. I don’t know who I am without you.
I loved this because it is so Dean, the attempt to make it better, to shrug it off and get on with life when he knows, he knows that Sam's gone anyway, regardless of what he does or says or begs or breaks or bleeds.
Those were the words that let Dean know that he wasn’t coming back. Winchesters didn’t say that they loved each other. They just leaped in front of bullets or between their family and a ravenous were-wolf or didn’t eat the last of the Lucky Charms. And as Sam's walking out, he's already got his bags packed. That and the lines above just destroyed the little pieces that had stayed intact until then. It's so true because they say with their actions rather than words how much they mean to each other. I loved the way you put it because it was this kind of sad funny statment because it's so absurd but so true to their situation and god why do you delight in hurting Dean so much. You have an illness I tell you! But this was beautiful and heartbreaking and awesome in everyway. So keep being ill. If Dean needs to be broken, you're the one to do it.
no subject
This and the next line utterly killed me. Dean can handle monsters and spirits and being cut on and messed around but he can't, just simply can't handle that break between his father and his brother. He can't handle the way their family doesn't fit. That he's more than willing to get himself hurt to fix it, that's such a Dean mentality. You really get inside his head and it hurts to read because you're watching Dean from the inside out.
But he had never hit them.
But then, Sam had never used Mom as a weapon, either. Dean wasn’t sure which one hurt worse.
killed me dead.
Except that he, Dean, had left. And suddenly it all fell into place, and he understood. He left. He told Sam that that was okay, that anger was enough to rip them apart, that it was stronger than them.
That is exactly it. Dean would take the blame upon himself, that he didn't do his job he didn't show Sammy, he wasn't there to be the buffer, to organise a compromise. And that would have killed Dean. You totally got that and it makes it so hurtful to read because, as I said above, you are watching these boys. You're watching Dean tear himself apart with guilt.
without Dean to absorb the sharp edges and sudden explosions of their tempers (he was pretty sure that if you could see his soul, it would be bruised and battered and patched up).
Again you manage to destroy both Dean and myself. That line about his soul is just so achingly beautiful and painful because no young man should have that burden.
I loved this because it is so Dean, the attempt to make it better, to shrug it off and get on with life when he knows, he knows that Sam's gone anyway, regardless of what he does or says or begs or breaks or bleeds.
Those were the words that let Dean know that he wasn’t coming back. Winchesters didn’t say that they loved each other. They just leaped in front of bullets or between their family and a ravenous were-wolf or didn’t eat the last of the Lucky Charms.
And as Sam's walking out, he's already got his bags packed. That and the lines above just destroyed the little pieces that had stayed intact until then. It's so true because they say with their actions rather than words how much they mean to each other. I loved the way you put it because it was this kind of sad funny statment because it's so absurd but so true to their situation and god why do you delight in hurting Dean so much. You have an illness I tell you! But this was beautiful and heartbreaking and awesome in everyway. So keep being ill. If Dean needs to be broken, you're the one to do it.