Thing is, there is no 'correct' way to love someone, and frankly, the fact that Buffy's particular connection with Spike doesn't fit into some people's idea of 'love' isn't worth much of a damn, really. Oh, amen! You should check out my rant here, as I think you would agree with me. (Also: admire the way I kept my own shippiness completely out of the discussion!)

OH YES. I love Angel/Darla. He loves her a great deal, but she's so broken and twisted. In my mind, she's the great love of his life.

I think people have such a narrow definition of what love is (especially romantic love), a Bella+Edward sort of thing, that they're incapable of seeing other manifestations of it. Either that, or their shippiness blinds them.