numbers

May. 3rd, 2014 10:53 am
lirazel: ([qt] doesn't usually survive amputation)
So everybody's doing the AO3 stats meme, so I'll throw mine out there.

Top 5 by kudos:

1. On Hairpins. The only thing surprising about this is that it's managed to accrue so many kudos so fast (this was written this past December). It's a Yuletide fic--they always get the most hits/kudos. It's for a fandom (Queen's Thief) that is insanely beloved and it focuses on the main characters. It's shortish and very readable and really I'm not at all surprised it's at the top of the list.

2. Celestial Mechanics. My first Infinite novel to be posted to AO3 as it was being written and post-kpop people figuring out that AO3 exists. Looooong fic of many chapters plus lots of guests following it on AO3 equals lots of kudos.

3. they that go down to the sea in ships. Another Yuletide fic, this time for a beloved YA book (The Witch of Blackbird Pond. I was quite proud of it, so it makes sense it's at the top of the list.

4. the heaviness of all things. Yuletide, Luther, sociopaths in love.

5. how the heart approaches what it yearns. This was a Yuletide Madness drabble I wrote on a whim. When I wrote it, Downton Abbey S1 had just aired, everyone still loved that show, and everyone shipped Sybil/Tom. It was very zeitgeisty.

Top 5 by hits:

1. one more song about moving along the highway. This baffles me. It's a William Miller from Almost Famous/Lux Lisbon from The Virgin Suicides crossover! A CROSSOVER. The only thing I can think of is that people are looking for fics from those two fandoms and end up clicking on it? I have no idea. It's very strange to me.

2. how the heart approaches what it yearns. See above. And it's very short, which means people are more likely to finish it.

3. Celestial Mechanics. See above. I'd be interested if you could separate unique hits--I suspect it would be much, much lower.

4. Of Ill-Advised Imprints and Rather Fetching Ewok Queens. My first Yuletide fic. No surprise that over time it's managed to rise to the top--it's had the most time to accrue hits.

5. Commas and Ampersands. I had actually totally forgotten about this fic. My one and only Gilmore Girls fic. From 2007. I remember being totally, totally proud of it. (It's also how I met Izi, who was one of my first fandom friends on lj. HI IZI.) Apparently the Jess/Rory shippers are still out there. Who knew?


Things that are predictable: Yuletide and longest-fic-ever get the most hits/kudos.

Surprises: Crossovers and Gilmore Girls apparently?????
lirazel: ([tvd] bffs)
So what do we think the likelihood is that after this Kindle Worlds thing starts that Amazon/Alloy will start going after all the Vampire Diaries/PLL/etc. fic that's published on sites other than theirs? Because that wouldn't surprise me. I'm not saying they'd have a legal leg to stand on (I don't think they would), but I would be surprised if they sent C&D letters to people who have their TVD fic up on other sites.
lirazel: ([misc] story of my life)
Does anybody have any thoughts on why certain fandoms seem to inspire more longfics and others don't? Moving from Buffy fandom, which had tons of multi-chapter fics, into kpop fandom, which has VERY VERY FEW, has been quite an experience for me. Infinite fandom is blessed with a multitude of really excellent short fics, but I really miss the feeling you get when you read a longfic, where you are totally immersed in that world, where you really go on a journey with the characters. And I can't help but wonder why there aren't many longfics (the ones that exist are usually not very good at all). What is it about a fandom that makes it more likely to produce longer works than other fandoms?

I for the life of me can't figure out what would make fandom culture be so different.

What are the fandoms you've been in that have many longfics? What are the ones you've been in that seem limited to short fics? And do you have any ideas on why they were that way?
lirazel: ([misc] story of my life)
So I'm the facebook generation. My freshman year of college, I distinctly remember a few days into the semester the announcement being made that our college was now going to have facebook access, and everybody freaked out, and I was sitting there going, "What even is that?" (This was fall of 2005.) This was back in the day when your college had to like register or something and you had to have a student email account to sign up. (TROLOLOLOL) Everyone immediately signed up and started using it way, way too much. Being me (natural contrarian you think I'm kidding but I'm not), I held out for several weeks, maybe even a couple of months until one of my friends sat down at my computer and signed me up for one. I played around with it some--I really, really loved when we got those buttons and you could send them to each other, do you remember those? Mine were all super geeky, and that was fun.

But I never cared that much about the site other than using it to look up names of people my friends were talking about who I couldn't put a face with. It was useful in that way, especially because at that time you had a network and so everyone at my college was on this network so I could find whoever I wanted to at any time. In a college atmosphere, it actually made a lot of sense if you wanted to figure out who that guy was that was always hanging around with that girl--if you knew someone's friends' names, you could find them pretty quickly. And then there were all those times where I heard a name over and over and finally looked that name up and realized it went with that face and had a big DUH moment. I viewed it mostly as a tool in figuring out who people were--which was, I believe, the point of a facebook.

Fast-forward seven years later (SEVEN YEARS? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE?) and I've still got an account, but I almost never use it. In fact, the only reason I keep it is so that I will be able to get in touch with people should I need to do that at some point in the future. I really only get on to check in on Big! Life! Events! with people--I like to look at wedding pictures now and then, and now my friends are all having kids, too, so there's baby pictures, though I only care to see them that first time (after that initial "Aww, look ___'s baby is real and has toes and stuff! Cute!" I don't particularly care about seeing more baby pictures). So all in all, I only log in about once a month at most. And I'm totally cool with that.

Because, y'all, my grandmother is on facebook. MY GRANDMOTHER. And various aunts and uncles and friends of my parents' and I just do not want to be involved in all that. That's not what I get on the internet to do. If I want to be with my family, I hang out with my family. If I'm on the internet, I want nothing to do with them.

But so many people do not feel this way, and I think it's because they're internet 2.0 users and I'm an internet 1.0 user, despite my age.

A couple of months ago, I read a truly wonderful book called You Are Not a Gadget: a Manifesto by Jaron Lanier. This guy is seriously a badass and I would vote for him for president.

Here's the blurb:

A programmer, musician, and father of virtual reality technology, Jaron Lanier was a pioneer in digital media, and among the first to predict the revolutionary changes it would bring to our commerce and culture. Now, with the Web influencing virtually every aspect of our lives, he offers this provocative critique of how digital design is shaping society, for better and for worse.

Informed by Lanier’s experience and expertise as a computer scientist, You Are Not a Gadget discusses the technical and cultural problems that have unwittingly risen from programming choices—such as the nature of user identity—that were “locked-in” at the birth of digital media and considers what a future based on current design philosophies will bring. With the proliferation of social networks, cloud-based data storage systems, and Web 2.0 designs that elevate the “wisdom” of mobs and computer algorithms over the intelligence and wisdom of individuals, his message has never been more urgent.


Anyway, the book is great and I highly recommend it if you have even the most basic understanding of the way the internet works. His first concern is totally humanity and wanting technology to serve us, not for it to dominate us, and that comes through the book in beautiful ways.

He talks a lot about web 1.0 and web 2.0 and while he focuses more on things like wikipedia, I honestly think the easiest way of differentiating between the two is pre-facebook internet and post-facebook internet. And facebook is so ubiquitous that I really don't think I need to get into it any deeper, which is, frankly, just scary.

So back to me (heh). The thing that, I believe, totally defines my relationship to the internet is that internet 1.0 was my home. I discovered fandom at about 13, and that's what got me into the internet. Before that, it was a tool: I used it to look things up, and we only had very slow dial-up at home (AOL!), so mostly I did that at school.

But fandom changed all that for me. I found people who wanted to talk about the things I wanted to talk about and who were just as interested in stupid little details about canon as I was, and I fell in love. These were the days of message boards and yahoo mailing lists and those tackytackytacky geocities/angelfire/whatever personal websites with horrifying yellow font on black backgrounds that played songs you hated whenever you clicked on them. It stopped being a tool and became, like, a clubhouse. Or I guess more a network of clubhouses, where you found people who had similar interests to yours and you hung out and talked about those things (or ficced about them or made art or had shipping wars).

When I think about the internet and what it's given me, those are still the terms I use. It's the friendships I've made with people I've never "met" in "real life" (whatever that means). It's using the wayback machine to find that fic that I read five years ago and has since been erased from the internet. It's my usernames--Lirazel, especially--and the fact that I have an online reputation, even if it's limited in its reach.

And I think that really is the major difference between me (and probably a lot of you) and the majority of my generation. They also started out viewing the internet as a tool, but what pulled them in wasn't something interests- and community-driven like fandom (obviously it was bigger than fandom: there were lovely little communities dedicated to, like, reading northern European epics and stuff. But they somehow had a fandom-type feeling, if that makes any sense). Instead, the first time they started using the internet as more than just a place to look up information or check email or (possibly) play games was when myspace and facebook hit the scene. Since those were the first websites they knew, they kind of set the tone for how they would approach the internet from there on out.

I think they're the people who are still perpetuating this idea of the internet being something totally different from "real life" and the two being in conflict. I mean, the rest of us have moved beyond that, right? When I talk about y'all, I don't say, "My internet friend so-and-so," I just call you my friend. The way we interact is different in some ways than with people I met through other means, but not in any of the ways that really matter. Honestly, I share a lot more with y'all than I do with anybody in my "real life" who isn't related to me. At this point my own experience has completely demolished any boundaries I once perceived between "real life" and the internet (I'm very glad, too).

But if you primarily use the internet in a facebook sort of way, where you know people in real life first and then use the internet to "connect" to people you already know--if that's your mindset--then I guess you might still think internet-first/only friendships are weird?

Of course, added to all of this is also the reason I refuse to use twitter: while I can see how it could be a useful thing (for instance, it seemed to be really powerful during the Arab Spring, and that's awesome, and I can see how organizations getting info out there could use it in interesting ways, too), for the most part I just find it annoying for individuals to use (unless they are pithy and hilarious, which, let's face it, most of us aren't). It pretty much promotes soundbyte types of conversations, it doesn't let you address things with nuance because of the word limit,

AND YET people love it, which baffles me. My generation seems to think that if it isn't being broadcast--if it isn't OUT THERE IN PUBLIC IN DETAIL that whatever they're experiencing isn't real. Like reality is determined by how willing you are to let everyone see what's going on. Like something is only real and legitimate and genuine if you're 100% open to sharing it with anyone and everyone. Like if something happens to you in private, it isn't real until it's validated by other people, a sort of audience of people who will give your experience meaning by acknowledging. And this has to do with reality tv, too, and the idea of fame as an end to itself (which isn't new, obviously, but I do think it's blown up in ways it never had before), and lots and lots of other things that have created this zeitgeist. I'm not blaming it just on facebook.

But I just cringe from that kind of approach to the internet, that kind of approach to life. And so I am endlessly annoyed by oversharing (which I may do with certain people in the confines of my flocked journal, but that is different than oversharing with EVERYONE) and life as a performance for other people and taking pictures at an event so you can put them on facebook being more important than being in the moment at that event because that event didn’t really happen unless we can document it and present it for other people’s consumption. It's like we value transparency as an end to itself, which I don't approve of--transparency in a lot of things is a very good things, especially when it comes to organizations. But when it comes to individuals? Not so much. Friendships are only possible because of privacy, because of secrets--because we get to decide how much about ourselves we reveal at what times and to whom. If everyone knows everything about everyone else, then you can't be closer to some people than to others. But I reveal certain parts of myself to my sister and certain parts to y'all and certain parts to my boss, and I keep things to myself, too, and that dance of revelation and concealment is what defines relationships. If we get rid of that, what do we have to offer each other? Nothing.

Which connects back to another thing I hate about web 2.0: this endless desire to CONNECT EVERYTHING UP. OH GROSS GO AWAY. I feel like web 1.0 really valued the idea of compartmentalizing your life through things like pseudonyms (one of my biggest pet peeves in life is people who mistake pseudonyms and anonymity THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING OMG) and even using more than one username at various places--if you were, say, a part of multiple online communities (fandoms, whatever) you totally had the freedom to decide if you wanted to use one username on all of those sites (thereby creating a sort of meta online identity) or to use different ones for each place or any degree in between. You had control over the level of interaction between sites you visited, you had control over who you were depending on what site you were on (and again: this all goes back to the idea that we are different people when we're in different company, that we change our behaviors and speech and degree of honesty to suit whatever community we are in AND THIS IS NOT A BAD THING, it is, in fact, really beautiful if used with integrity). And you could escape from the people in the real world who bugged you so much or who just didn't happen to want to share certain things with (facebook connect on every website ever just infuriates me. DON'T CROSS THE LINES).

Now the web is trying to turn into this big amorphous thing where you're just ACTUAL FIRST NAME ACTUAL LAST NAME no matter where you go, where people can "find" you no matter where you are (how terrifying is that? It's a small world after all INDEED and I can't imagine many things scarier than that). And the websites wrap it up in this rhetoric about "connection" and "finding your friends" but most of them do it either A) because they don't really think about it and don't realize they have other options or B) because this is what the advertisers looooove. All this fancy technology that can follow you around and gather all your data and see patterns and tailor their advertising to you directly and so make more money! Yay rah!

IT'S SCARY, OKAY?

Or at least it is to me, because I remember when this wasn't the default way of thinking, when this wasn't the way the internet world operated. So while I get really annoyed when a website demands that I have a facebook or twitter account to log in to their site (and I refuse to do it--that's the quickest way to lose my traffic!), my friends seem totally unfazed by it. I literally didn't know that you had to have a facebook or twitter account to sign up for pinterest until today, despite all my real life friends having one, because apparently that isn't important enough to be mentioned. I found out because one of my livejournal friends just discovered it and was annoyed, too! I just look at the world differently than people who didn't grow up on the internet in the world that I did.

I think all this is why I still feel most at home on livejournal, internet-wise, because to me it's so totally rooted in what internet 1.0 was. Many of the things that bug me most about tumblr (the site I use the most) are the very things that are most 2.0 about it (shitty, shitty decisions by the people who run it aside).

And right now I feel like a cranky old lady talking about the good old days, and I don't mean to imply that the internet was perfect back then, because there were terrible, terrible things then, too. People have always been people, and people have always been asses. It's just that I liked the default assumptions about what the internet was for and whole it should work a lot more back then than I like the ones now.

And I am 25! I am not an old woman! But when I venture outside of livejournal (especially onto tumblr), I so often feel like one. So I'm really interested in the thoughts of those of you who are younger than me--do you remember the internet before facebook? Do you feel like you belong in one world more than the other? Do you even know what I'm talking about? Do the old days sound good to you? What are the benefits of the new way of approaching the web? What am I missing that's awesome about it? [I'm not talking about capabilities here--streaming and downloading and things like that are AWESOME--I'm talking about the worldview with which you approach internet usage.]

And please, those of you who are the same age/older than I am, tell me you know what I'm talking about and that I didn't just word-vomit all this about nothing.
lirazel: ([misc] story of my life)
So I'm the facebook generation. My freshman year of college, I distinctly remember a few days into the semester the announcement being made that our college was now going to have facebook access, and everybody freaked out, and I was sitting there going, "What even is that?" (This was fall of 2005.) This was back in the day when your college had to like register or something and you had to have a student email account to sign up. (TROLOLOLOL) Everyone immediately signed up and started using it way, way too much. Being me (natural contrarian you think I'm kidding but I'm not), I held out for several weeks, maybe even a couple of months until one of my friends sat down at my computer and signed me up for one. I played around with it some--I really, really loved when we got those buttons and you could send them to each other, do you remember those? Mine were all super geeky, and that was fun.

But I never cared that much about the site other than using it to look up names of people my friends were talking about who I couldn't put a face with. It was useful in that way, especially because at that time you had a network and so everyone at my college was on this network so I could find whoever I wanted to at any time. In a college atmosphere, it actually made a lot of sense if you wanted to figure out who that guy was that was always hanging around with that girl--if you knew someone's friends' names, you could find them pretty quickly. And then there were all those times where I heard a name over and over and finally looked that name up and realized it went with that face and had a big DUH moment. I viewed it mostly as a tool in figuring out who people were--which was, I believe, the point of a facebook.

Fast-forward seven years later (SEVEN YEARS? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE?) and I've still got an account, but I almost never use it. In fact, the only reason I keep it is so that I will be able to get in touch with people should I need to do that at some point in the future. I really only get on to check in on Big! Life! Events! with people--I like to look at wedding pictures now and then, and now my friends are all having kids, too, so there's baby pictures, though I only care to see them that first time (after that initial "Aww, look ___'s baby is real and has toes and stuff! Cute!" I don't particularly care about seeing more baby pictures). So all in all, I only log in about once a month at most. And I'm totally cool with that.

Because, y'all, my grandmother is on facebook. MY GRANDMOTHER. And various aunts and uncles and friends of my parents' and I just do not want to be involved in all that. That's not what I get on the internet to do. If I want to be with my family, I hang out with my family. If I'm on the internet, I want nothing to do with them.

But so many people do not feel this way, and I think it's because they're internet 2.0 users and I'm an internet 1.0 user, despite my age.

A couple of months ago, I read a truly wonderful book called You Are Not a Gadget: a Manifesto by Jaron Lanier. This guy is seriously a badass and I would vote for him for president.

Here's the blurb:

A programmer, musician, and father of virtual reality technology, Jaron Lanier was a pioneer in digital media, and among the first to predict the revolutionary changes it would bring to our commerce and culture. Now, with the Web influencing virtually every aspect of our lives, he offers this provocative critique of how digital design is shaping society, for better and for worse.

Informed by Lanier’s experience and expertise as a computer scientist, You Are Not a Gadget discusses the technical and cultural problems that have unwittingly risen from programming choices—such as the nature of user identity—that were “locked-in” at the birth of digital media and considers what a future based on current design philosophies will bring. With the proliferation of social networks, cloud-based data storage systems, and Web 2.0 designs that elevate the “wisdom” of mobs and computer algorithms over the intelligence and wisdom of individuals, his message has never been more urgent.


Anyway, the book is great and I highly recommend it if you have even the most basic understanding of the way the internet works. His first concern is totally humanity and wanting technology to serve us, not for it to dominate us, and that comes through the book in beautiful ways.

He talks a lot about web 1.0 and web 2.0 and while he focuses more on things like wikipedia, I honestly think the easiest way of differentiating between the two is pre-facebook internet and post-facebook internet. And facebook is so ubiquitous that I really don't think I need to get into it any deeper, which is, frankly, just scary.

So back to me (heh). The thing that, I believe, totally defines my relationship to the internet is that internet 1.0 was my home. I discovered fandom at about 13, and that's what got me into the internet. Before that, it was a tool: I used it to look things up, and we only had very slow dial-up at home (AOL!), so mostly I did that at school.

But fandom changed all that for me. I found people who wanted to talk about the things I wanted to talk about and who were just as interested in stupid little details about canon as I was, and I fell in love. These were the days of message boards and yahoo mailing lists and those tackytackytacky geocities/angelfire/whatever personal websites with horrifying yellow font on black backgrounds that played songs you hated whenever you clicked on them. It stopped being a tool and became, like, a clubhouse. Or I guess more a network of clubhouses, where you found people who had similar interests to yours and you hung out and talked about those things (or ficced about them or made art or had shipping wars).

When I think about the internet and what it's given me, those are still the terms I use. It's the friendships I've made with people I've never "met" in "real life" (whatever that means). It's using the wayback machine to find that fic that I read five years ago and has since been erased from the internet. It's my usernames--Lirazel, especially--and the fact that I have an online reputation, even if it's limited in its reach.

And I think that really is the major difference between me (and probably a lot of you) and the majority of my generation. They also started out viewing the internet as a tool, but what pulled them in wasn't something interests- and community-driven like fandom (obviously it was bigger than fandom: there were lovely little communities dedicated to, like, reading northern European epics and stuff. But they somehow had a fandom-type feeling, if that makes any sense). Instead, the first time they started using the internet as more than just a place to look up information or check email or (possibly) play games was when myspace and facebook hit the scene. Since those were the first websites they knew, they kind of set the tone for how they would approach the internet from there on out.

I think they're the people who are still perpetuating this idea of the internet being something totally different from "real life" and the two being in conflict. I mean, the rest of us have moved beyond that, right? When I talk about y'all, I don't say, "My internet friend so-and-so," I just call you my friend. The way we interact is different in some ways than with people I met through other means, but not in any of the ways that really matter. Honestly, I share a lot more with y'all than I do with anybody in my "real life" who isn't related to me. At this point my own experience has completely demolished any boundaries I once perceived between "real life" and the internet (I'm very glad, too).

But if you primarily use the internet in a facebook sort of way, where you know people in real life first and then use the internet to "connect" to people you already know--if that's your mindset--then I guess you might still think internet-first/only friendships are weird?

Of course, added to all of this is also the reason I refuse to use twitter: while I can see how it could be a useful thing (for instance, it seemed to be really powerful during the Arab Spring, and that's awesome, and I can see how organizations getting info out there could use it in interesting ways, too), for the most part I just find it annoying for individuals to use (unless they are pithy and hilarious, which, let's face it, most of us aren't). It pretty much promotes soundbyte types of conversations, it doesn't let you address things with nuance because of the word limit,

AND YET people love it, which baffles me. My generation seems to think that if it isn't being broadcast--if it isn't OUT THERE IN PUBLIC IN DETAIL that whatever they're experiencing isn't real. Like reality is determined by how willing you are to let everyone see what's going on. Like something is only real and legitimate and genuine if you're 100% open to sharing it with anyone and everyone. Like if something happens to you in private, it isn't real until it's validated by other people, a sort of audience of people who will give your experience meaning by acknowledging. And this has to do with reality tv, too, and the idea of fame as an end to itself (which isn't new, obviously, but I do think it's blown up in ways it never had before), and lots and lots of other things that have created this zeitgeist. I'm not blaming it just on facebook.

But I just cringe from that kind of approach to the internet, that kind of approach to life. And so I am endlessly annoyed by oversharing (which I may do with certain people in the confines of my flocked journal, but that is different than oversharing with EVERYONE) and life as a performance for other people and taking pictures at an event so you can put them on facebook being more important than being in the moment at that event because that event didn’t really happen unless we can document it and present it for other people’s consumption. It's like we value transparency as an end to itself, which I don't approve of--transparency in a lot of things is a very good things, especially when it comes to organizations. But when it comes to individuals? Not so much. Friendships are only possible because of privacy, because of secrets--because we get to decide how much about ourselves we reveal at what times and to whom. If everyone knows everything about everyone else, then you can't be closer to some people than to others. But I reveal certain parts of myself to my sister and certain parts to y'all and certain parts to my boss, and I keep things to myself, too, and that dance of revelation and concealment is what defines relationships. If we get rid of that, what do we have to offer each other? Nothing.

Which connects back to another thing I hate about web 2.0: this endless desire to CONNECT EVERYTHING UP. OH GROSS GO AWAY. I feel like web 1.0 really valued the idea of compartmentalizing your life through things like pseudonyms (one of my biggest pet peeves in life is people who mistake pseudonyms and anonymity THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING OMG) and even using more than one username at various places--if you were, say, a part of multiple online communities (fandoms, whatever) you totally had the freedom to decide if you wanted to use one username on all of those sites (thereby creating a sort of meta online identity) or to use different ones for each place or any degree in between. You had control over the level of interaction between sites you visited, you had control over who you were depending on what site you were on (and again: this all goes back to the idea that we are different people when we're in different company, that we change our behaviors and speech and degree of honesty to suit whatever community we are in AND THIS IS NOT A BAD THING, it is, in fact, really beautiful if used with integrity). And you could escape from the people in the real world who bugged you so much or who just didn't happen to want to share certain things with (facebook connect on every website ever just infuriates me. DON'T CROSS THE LINES).

Now the web is trying to turn into this big amorphous thing where you're just ACTUAL FIRST NAME ACTUAL LAST NAME no matter where you go, where people can "find" you no matter where you are (how terrifying is that? It's a small world after all INDEED and I can't imagine many things scarier than that). And the websites wrap it up in this rhetoric about "connection" and "finding your friends" but most of them do it either A) because they don't really think about it and don't realize they have other options or B) because this is what the advertisers looooove. All this fancy technology that can follow you around and gather all your data and see patterns and tailor their advertising to you directly and so make more money! Yay rah!

IT'S SCARY, OKAY?

Or at least it is to me, because I remember when this wasn't the default way of thinking, when this wasn't the way the internet world operated. So while I get really annoyed when a website demands that I have a facebook or twitter account to log in to their site (and I refuse to do it--that's the quickest way to lose my traffic!), my friends seem totally unfazed by it. I literally didn't know that you had to have a facebook or twitter account to sign up for pinterest until today, despite all my real life friends having one, because apparently that isn't important enough to be mentioned. I found out because one of my livejournal friends just discovered it and was annoyed, too! I just look at the world differently than people who didn't grow up on the internet in the world that I did.

I think all this is why I still feel most at home on livejournal, internet-wise, because to me it's so totally rooted in what internet 1.0 was. Many of the things that bug me most about tumblr (the site I use the most) are the very things that are most 2.0 about it (shitty, shitty decisions by the people who run it aside).

And right now I feel like a cranky old lady talking about the good old days, and I don't mean to imply that the internet was perfect back then, because there were terrible, terrible things then, too. People have always been people, and people have always been asses. It's just that I liked the default assumptions about what the internet was for and whole it should work a lot more back then than I like the ones now.

And I am 25! I am not an old woman! But when I venture outside of livejournal (especially onto tumblr), I so often feel like one. So I'm really interested in the thoughts of those of you who are younger than me--do you remember the internet before facebook? Do you feel like you belong in one world more than the other? Do you even know what I'm talking about? Do the old days sound good to you? What are the benefits of the new way of approaching the web? What am I missing that's awesome about it? [I'm not talking about capabilities here--streaming and downloading and things like that are AWESOME--I'm talking about the worldview with which you approach internet usage.]

And please, those of you who are the same age/older than I am, tell me you know what I'm talking about and that I didn't just word-vomit all this about nothing.
lirazel: ([misc] story of my life)
So I'm the facebook generation. My freshman year of college, I distinctly remember a few days into the semester the announcement being made that our college was now going to have facebook access, and everybody freaked out, and I was sitting there going, "What even is that?" (This was fall of 2005.) This was back in the day when your college had to like register or something and you had to have a student email account to sign up. (TROLOLOLOL) Everyone immediately signed up and started using it way, way too much. Being me (natural contrarian you think I'm kidding but I'm not), I held out for several weeks, maybe even a couple of months until one of my friends sat down at my computer and signed me up for one. I played around with it some--I really, really loved when we got those buttons and you could send them to each other, do you remember those? Mine were all super geeky, and that was fun.

But I never cared that much about the site other than using it to look up names of people my friends were talking about who I couldn't put a face with. It was useful in that way, especially because at that time you had a network and so everyone at my college was on this network so I could find whoever I wanted to at any time. In a college atmosphere, it actually made a lot of sense if you wanted to figure out who that guy was that was always hanging around with that girl--if you knew someone's friends' names, you could find them pretty quickly. And then there were all those times where I heard a name over and over and finally looked that name up and realized it went with that face and had a big DUH moment. I viewed it mostly as a tool in figuring out who people were--which was, I believe, the point of a facebook.

Fast-forward seven years later (SEVEN YEARS? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE?) and I've still got an account, but I almost never use it. In fact, the only reason I keep it is so that I will be able to get in touch with people should I need to do that at some point in the future. I really only get on to check in on Big! Life! Events! with people--I like to look at wedding pictures now and then, and now my friends are all having kids, too, so there's baby pictures, though I only care to see them that first time (after that initial "Aww, look ___'s baby is real and has toes and stuff! Cute!" I don't particularly care about seeing more baby pictures). So all in all, I only log in about once a month at most. And I'm totally cool with that.

Because, y'all, my grandmother is on facebook. MY GRANDMOTHER. And various aunts and uncles and friends of my parents' and I just do not want to be involved in all that. That's not what I get on the internet to do. If I want to be with my family, I hang out with my family. If I'm on the internet, I want nothing to do with them.

But so many people do not feel this way, and I think it's because they're internet 2.0 users and I'm an internet 1.0 user, despite my age.

A couple of months ago, I read a truly wonderful book called You Are Not a Gadget: a Manifesto by Jaron Lanier. This guy is seriously a badass and I would vote for him for president.

Here's the blurb:

A programmer, musician, and father of virtual reality technology, Jaron Lanier was a pioneer in digital media, and among the first to predict the revolutionary changes it would bring to our commerce and culture. Now, with the Web influencing virtually every aspect of our lives, he offers this provocative critique of how digital design is shaping society, for better and for worse.

Informed by Lanier’s experience and expertise as a computer scientist, You Are Not a Gadget discusses the technical and cultural problems that have unwittingly risen from programming choices—such as the nature of user identity—that were “locked-in” at the birth of digital media and considers what a future based on current design philosophies will bring. With the proliferation of social networks, cloud-based data storage systems, and Web 2.0 designs that elevate the “wisdom” of mobs and computer algorithms over the intelligence and wisdom of individuals, his message has never been more urgent.


Anyway, the book is great and I highly recommend it if you have even the most basic understanding of the way the internet works. His first concern is totally humanity and wanting technology to serve us, not for it to dominate us, and that comes through the book in beautiful ways.

He talks a lot about web 1.0 and web 2.0 and while he focuses more on things like wikipedia, I honestly think the easiest way of differentiating between the two is pre-facebook internet and post-facebook internet. And facebook is so ubiquitous that I really don't think I need to get into it any deeper, which is, frankly, just scary.

So back to me (heh). The thing that, I believe, totally defines my relationship to the internet is that internet 1.0 was my home. I discovered fandom at about 13, and that's what got me into the internet. Before that, it was a tool: I used it to look things up, and we only had very slow dial-up at home (AOL!), so mostly I did that at school.

But fandom changed all that for me. I found people who wanted to talk about the things I wanted to talk about and who were just as interested in stupid little details about canon as I was, and I fell in love. These were the days of message boards and yahoo mailing lists and those tackytackytacky geocities/angelfire/whatever personal websites with horrifying yellow font on black backgrounds that played songs you hated whenever you clicked on them. It stopped being a tool and became, like, a clubhouse. Or I guess more a network of clubhouses, where you found people who had similar interests to yours and you hung out and talked about those things (or ficced about them or made art or had shipping wars).

When I think about the internet and what it's given me, those are still the terms I use. It's the friendships I've made with people I've never "met" in "real life" (whatever that means). It's using the wayback machine to find that fic that I read five years ago and has since been erased from the internet. It's my usernames--Lirazel, especially--and the fact that I have an online reputation, even if it's limited in its reach.

And I think that really is the major difference between me (and probably a lot of you) and the majority of my generation. They also started out viewing the internet as a tool, but what pulled them in wasn't something interests- and community-driven like fandom (obviously it was bigger than fandom: there were lovely little communities dedicated to, like, reading northern European epics and stuff. But they somehow had a fandom-type feeling, if that makes any sense). Instead, the first time they started using the internet as more than just a place to look up information or check email or (possibly) play games was when myspace and facebook hit the scene. Since those were the first websites they knew, they kind of set the tone for how they would approach the internet from there on out.

I think they're the people who are still perpetuating this idea of the internet being something totally different from "real life" and the two being in conflict. I mean, the rest of us have moved beyond that, right? When I talk about y'all, I don't say, "My internet friend so-and-so," I just call you my friend. The way we interact is different in some ways than with people I met through other means, but not in any of the ways that really matter. Honestly, I share a lot more with y'all than I do with anybody in my "real life" who isn't related to me. At this point my own experience has completely demolished any boundaries I once perceived between "real life" and the internet (I'm very glad, too).

But if you primarily use the internet in a facebook sort of way, where you know people in real life first and then use the internet to "connect" to people you already know--if that's your mindset--then I guess you might still think internet-first/only friendships are weird?

Of course, added to all of this is also the reason I refuse to use twitter: while I can see how it could be a useful thing (for instance, it seemed to be really powerful during the Arab Spring, and that's awesome, and I can see how organizations getting info out there could use it in interesting ways, too), for the most part I just find it annoying for individuals to use (unless they are pithy and hilarious, which, let's face it, most of us aren't). It pretty much promotes soundbyte types of conversations, it doesn't let you address things with nuance because of the word limit,

AND YET people love it, which baffles me. My generation seems to think that if it isn't being broadcast--if it isn't OUT THERE IN PUBLIC IN DETAIL that whatever they're experiencing isn't real. Like reality is determined by how willing you are to let everyone see what's going on. Like something is only real and legitimate and genuine if you're 100% open to sharing it with anyone and everyone. Like if something happens to you in private, it isn't real until it's validated by other people, a sort of audience of people who will give your experience meaning by acknowledging. And this has to do with reality tv, too, and the idea of fame as an end to itself (which isn't new, obviously, but I do think it's blown up in ways it never had before), and lots and lots of other things that have created this zeitgeist. I'm not blaming it just on facebook.

But I just cringe from that kind of approach to the internet, that kind of approach to life. And so I am endlessly annoyed by oversharing (which I may do with certain people in the confines of my flocked journal, but that is different than oversharing with EVERYONE) and life as a performance for other people and taking pictures at an event so you can put them on facebook being more important than being in the moment at that event because that event didn’t really happen unless we can document it and present it for other people’s consumption. It's like we value transparency as an end to itself, which I don't approve of--transparency in a lot of things is a very good things, especially when it comes to organizations. But when it comes to individuals? Not so much. Friendships are only possible because of privacy, because of secrets--because we get to decide how much about ourselves we reveal at what times and to whom. If everyone knows everything about everyone else, then you can't be closer to some people than to others. But I reveal certain parts of myself to my sister and certain parts to y'all and certain parts to my boss, and I keep things to myself, too, and that dance of revelation and concealment is what defines relationships. If we get rid of that, what do we have to offer each other? Nothing.

Which connects back to another thing I hate about web 2.0: this endless desire to CONNECT EVERYTHING UP. OH GROSS GO AWAY. I feel like web 1.0 really valued the idea of compartmentalizing your life through things like pseudonyms (one of my biggest pet peeves in life is people who mistake pseudonyms and anonymity THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING OMG) and even using more than one username at various places--if you were, say, a part of multiple online communities (fandoms, whatever) you totally had the freedom to decide if you wanted to use one username on all of those sites (thereby creating a sort of meta online identity) or to use different ones for each place or any degree in between. You had control over the level of interaction between sites you visited, you had control over who you were depending on what site you were on (and again: this all goes back to the idea that we are different people when we're in different company, that we change our behaviors and speech and degree of honesty to suit whatever community we are in AND THIS IS NOT A BAD THING, it is, in fact, really beautiful if used with integrity). And you could escape from the people in the real world who bugged you so much or who just didn't happen to want to share certain things with (facebook connect on every website ever just infuriates me. DON'T CROSS THE LINES).

Now the web is trying to turn into this big amorphous thing where you're just ACTUAL FIRST NAME ACTUAL LAST NAME no matter where you go, where people can "find" you no matter where you are (how terrifying is that? It's a small world after all INDEED and I can't imagine many things scarier than that). And the websites wrap it up in this rhetoric about "connection" and "finding your friends" but most of them do it either A) because they don't really think about it and don't realize they have other options or B) because this is what the advertisers looooove. All this fancy technology that can follow you around and gather all your data and see patterns and tailor their advertising to you directly and so make more money! Yay rah!

IT'S SCARY, OKAY?

Or at least it is to me, because I remember when this wasn't the default way of thinking, when this wasn't the way the internet world operated. So while I get really annoyed when a website demands that I have a facebook or twitter account to log in to their site (and I refuse to do it--that's the quickest way to lose my traffic!), my friends seem totally unfazed by it. I literally didn't know that you had to have a facebook or twitter account to sign up for pinterest until today, despite all my real life friends having one, because apparently that isn't important enough to be mentioned. I found out because one of my livejournal friends just discovered it and was annoyed, too! I just look at the world differently than people who didn't grow up on the internet in the world that I did.

I think all this is why I still feel most at home on livejournal, internet-wise, because to me it's so totally rooted in what internet 1.0 was. Many of the things that bug me most about tumblr (the site I use the most) are the very things that are most 2.0 about it (shitty, shitty decisions by the people who run it aside).

And right now I feel like a cranky old lady talking about the good old days, and I don't mean to imply that the internet was perfect back then, because there were terrible, terrible things then, too. People have always been people, and people have always been asses. It's just that I liked the default assumptions about what the internet was for and whole it should work a lot more back then than I like the ones now.

And I am 25! I am not an old woman! But when I venture outside of livejournal (especially onto tumblr), I so often feel like one. So I'm really interested in the thoughts of those of you who are younger than me--do you remember the internet before facebook? Do you feel like you belong in one world more than the other? Do you even know what I'm talking about? Do the old days sound good to you? What are the benefits of the new way of approaching the web? What am I missing that's awesome about it? [I'm not talking about capabilities here--streaming and downloading and things like that are AWESOME--I'm talking about the worldview with which you approach internet usage.]

And please, those of you who are the same age/older than I am, tell me you know what I'm talking about and that I didn't just word-vomit all this about nothing.

um um um!

Mar. 22nd, 2012 02:32 pm
lirazel: ([misc] byronic hero)
Apparently I had seen this before? I guess I had, because I just found it while I was transferring things over into my delicious account. But I stumbled upon it and enjoyed it as though it was/were (whatever) the first time I was seeing it.




Oh, fandom. How I love you.



[eta] Aaaaand, apparently the new Doctor Who companion the vaguest of spoilers )

um um um!

Mar. 22nd, 2012 02:32 pm
lirazel: ([misc] byronic hero)
Apparently I had seen this before? I guess I had, because I just found it while I was transferring things over into my delicious account. But I stumbled upon it and enjoyed it as though it was/were (whatever) the first time I was seeing it.




Oh, fandom. How I love you.



[eta] Aaaaand, apparently the new Doctor Who companion the vaguest of spoilers )

um um um!

Mar. 22nd, 2012 02:32 pm
lirazel: ([misc] byronic hero)
Apparently I had seen this before? I guess I had, because I just found it while I was transferring things over into my delicious account. But I stumbled upon it and enjoyed it as though it was/were (whatever) the first time I was seeing it.




Oh, fandom. How I love you.



[eta] Aaaaand, apparently the new Doctor Who companion the vaguest of spoilers )
lirazel: ([af] Rockin')
+ SPRING IS HERE! I'd been saying that I thought we'd have one more cold snap before spring formally shows up, but I'm not so sure about that now. All I know is that it's been in the 80s for the past week, and things are turning green, and all the redbuds and dogwoods and tulip poplars, etc. look so gorgeous it makes me want to die. And tulips! Everywhere! I had forgotten how happy warm weather makes me, especially the greenness. I am wearing sundresses all week (with cardigans to make them work appropriate) in celebration.

+ So about that "YOUR ISP WILL STOP YOU FROM DOWNLOADING THINGS!!!!!!" post: I'm not freaking out yet, mostly because I just don't know whether it's true and if it is whether it'll actually be widespread or whether I'll be able to switch my ISP and avoid this problem. Basically I'm withholding judgment.

+ This post contains interesting discussions about that whole 50-Shades-of-Grey thing (which my feelings are basically: pointing and laughing--but not in a mean-hearted way--at the people paying money for the porn they could get for free on the internet). After all the media attention this is getting (most of it with people flailing in confusion), it's nice to see an actual fandom conversation about it, since, uh, we actually get it? Also, a few interesting mentions of BtVS AU AH fic.

+ OMG MODS OF GRAPHICS COMMUNITIES: USE TAGS AND MAKE PEOPLE USE TAGS AND OMG I CAN NEVER FIND ANYTHING WHEN I WANT TO FIND IT THE TAGS ARE RIGHT THERE THIS IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

+ Does anybody know where there are English-language non-Western-media fanfic sites? Basically, I want Kdrama fic, and I know it has to be out there, but I'm not sure where to find it. Non-Western-media fandom doesn't overlap with Western-media fandom in some interesting ways; if I get into a new Western show, I know how to go searching for fic. But this is beyond my ken, basically.

+ Speaking of which, Personal Taste/Preference. Cute enough, with some fun side characters (I especially liked Main Girl's BFF and her relationship with Main Guy's BFF who always calls her "unni" and also Director Choi was interesting in ways I wasn't expecting), but I wasn't in love with it or anything. Most of my feelings, honestly are Lee Min Ho-shaped, what are you expecting. As a side-note: he is very good at playing sexually frustrated. It makes me giggle.

+ I watched the first two episodes of Coffee Prince last night, and I'm mostly just crazy about Yoon Eun Hye's physicality. The way she flops herself around, paying no attention to what her body's doing, I totally understand how someone could mistake her for a teenage boy. Comparing her character in this with Goong is such fun. This woman knows how much how she moves makes the character.
lirazel: ([af] Rockin')
+ SPRING IS HERE! I'd been saying that I thought we'd have one more cold snap before spring formally shows up, but I'm not so sure about that now. All I know is that it's been in the 80s for the past week, and things are turning green, and all the redbuds and dogwoods and tulip poplars, etc. look so gorgeous it makes me want to die. And tulips! Everywhere! I had forgotten how happy warm weather makes me, especially the greenness. I am wearing sundresses all week (with cardigans to make them work appropriate) in celebration.

+ So about that "YOUR ISP WILL STOP YOU FROM DOWNLOADING THINGS!!!!!!" post: I'm not freaking out yet, mostly because I just don't know whether it's true and if it is whether it'll actually be widespread or whether I'll be able to switch my ISP and avoid this problem. Basically I'm withholding judgment.

+ This post contains interesting discussions about that whole 50-Shades-of-Grey thing (which my feelings are basically: pointing and laughing--but not in a mean-hearted way--at the people paying money for the porn they could get for free on the internet). After all the media attention this is getting (most of it with people flailing in confusion), it's nice to see an actual fandom conversation about it, since, uh, we actually get it? Also, a few interesting mentions of BtVS AU AH fic.

+ OMG MODS OF GRAPHICS COMMUNITIES: USE TAGS AND MAKE PEOPLE USE TAGS AND OMG I CAN NEVER FIND ANYTHING WHEN I WANT TO FIND IT THE TAGS ARE RIGHT THERE THIS IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

+ Does anybody know where there are English-language non-Western-media fanfic sites? Basically, I want Kdrama fic, and I know it has to be out there, but I'm not sure where to find it. Non-Western-media fandom doesn't overlap with Western-media fandom in some interesting ways; if I get into a new Western show, I know how to go searching for fic. But this is beyond my ken, basically.

+ Speaking of which, Personal Taste/Preference. Cute enough, with some fun side characters (I especially liked Main Girl's BFF and her relationship with Main Guy's BFF who always calls her "unni" and also Director Choi was interesting in ways I wasn't expecting), but I wasn't in love with it or anything. Most of my feelings, honestly are Lee Min Ho-shaped, what are you expecting. As a side-note: he is very good at playing sexually frustrated. It makes me giggle.

+ I watched the first two episodes of Coffee Prince last night, and I'm mostly just crazy about Yoon Eun Hye's physicality. The way she flops herself around, paying no attention to what her body's doing, I totally understand how someone could mistake her for a teenage boy. Comparing her character in this with Goong is such fun. This woman knows how much how she moves makes the character.
lirazel: ([af] Rockin')
+ SPRING IS HERE! I'd been saying that I thought we'd have one more cold snap before spring formally shows up, but I'm not so sure about that now. All I know is that it's been in the 80s for the past week, and things are turning green, and all the redbuds and dogwoods and tulip poplars, etc. look so gorgeous it makes me want to die. And tulips! Everywhere! I had forgotten how happy warm weather makes me, especially the greenness. I am wearing sundresses all week (with cardigans to make them work appropriate) in celebration.

+ So about that "YOUR ISP WILL STOP YOU FROM DOWNLOADING THINGS!!!!!!" post: I'm not freaking out yet, mostly because I just don't know whether it's true and if it is whether it'll actually be widespread or whether I'll be able to switch my ISP and avoid this problem. Basically I'm withholding judgment.

+ This post contains interesting discussions about that whole 50-Shades-of-Grey thing (which my feelings are basically: pointing and laughing--but not in a mean-hearted way--at the people paying money for the porn they could get for free on the internet). After all the media attention this is getting (most of it with people flailing in confusion), it's nice to see an actual fandom conversation about it, since, uh, we actually get it? Also, a few interesting mentions of BtVS AU AH fic.

+ OMG MODS OF GRAPHICS COMMUNITIES: USE TAGS AND MAKE PEOPLE USE TAGS AND OMG I CAN NEVER FIND ANYTHING WHEN I WANT TO FIND IT THE TAGS ARE RIGHT THERE THIS IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

+ Does anybody know where there are English-language non-Western-media fanfic sites? Basically, I want Kdrama fic, and I know it has to be out there, but I'm not sure where to find it. Non-Western-media fandom doesn't overlap with Western-media fandom in some interesting ways; if I get into a new Western show, I know how to go searching for fic. But this is beyond my ken, basically.

+ Speaking of which, Personal Taste/Preference. Cute enough, with some fun side characters (I especially liked Main Girl's BFF and her relationship with Main Guy's BFF who always calls her "unni" and also Director Choi was interesting in ways I wasn't expecting), but I wasn't in love with it or anything. Most of my feelings, honestly are Lee Min Ho-shaped, what are you expecting. As a side-note: he is very good at playing sexually frustrated. It makes me giggle.

+ I watched the first two episodes of Coffee Prince last night, and I'm mostly just crazy about Yoon Eun Hye's physicality. The way she flops herself around, paying no attention to what her body's doing, I totally understand how someone could mistake her for a teenage boy. Comparing her character in this with Goong is such fun. This woman knows how much how she moves makes the character.

gross

Feb. 5th, 2012 10:28 am
lirazel: ([misc] me in male form (but prettier))
So as much as I would like fandom to have a better standing in society's eyes, I'd rather us kee being ignored forever if it means we can avoid articles like a this. Ugh. That just makes me feel uncomfortable. What is the point of this article? Why does it need to exist? It doesn't provide any real insight into the world of fanfic or why people write fanfic or how we feel about it. It pretty much only exists so that people outside of our community can wrinkle their noses and think about how weird we are.

Plus, I'm like 99% sure that the writer of that article didn't contact the writers of the fics to ask if they could quote them. Which of course they don't legally have to do, but it would be POLITE, okay? Nobody wants to find out their fic has been quoted on NBC's website. Gross.

Ugh.

Stop looking so happy, Andrew-in-my-icon. This is making me uncomfortable.

[eta: I feel like this is also a good time to point out that I stumbled across the article via [livejournal.com profile] fanthropology, which is simultaneously awesome and HORRIFYING. It start out as a sort of meta community about fandom, but now it's mostly just a linkspam of media references to fanfiction. There are a few surprisingly positive discussions about the fanfiction community in the larger culture, but most of them will just make you SO ANGRY.]

gross

Feb. 5th, 2012 10:28 am
lirazel: ([misc] me in male form (but prettier))
So as much as I would like fandom to have a better standing in society's eyes, I'd rather us kee being ignored forever if it means we can avoid articles like a this. Ugh. That just makes me feel uncomfortable. What is the point of this article? Why does it need to exist? It doesn't provide any real insight into the world of fanfic or why people write fanfic or how we feel about it. It pretty much only exists so that people outside of our community can wrinkle their noses and think about how weird we are.

Plus, I'm like 99% sure that the writer of that article didn't contact the writers of the fics to ask if they could quote them. Which of course they don't legally have to do, but it would be POLITE, okay? Nobody wants to find out their fic has been quoted on NBC's website. Gross.

Ugh.

Stop looking so happy, Andrew-in-my-icon. This is making me uncomfortable.

[eta: I feel like this is also a good time to point out that I stumbled across the article via [livejournal.com profile] fanthropology, which is simultaneously awesome and HORRIFYING. It start out as a sort of meta community about fandom, but now it's mostly just a linkspam of media references to fanfiction. There are a few surprisingly positive discussions about the fanfiction community in the larger culture, but most of them will just make you SO ANGRY.]

gross

Feb. 5th, 2012 10:28 am
lirazel: ([misc] me in male form (but prettier))
So as much as I would like fandom to have a better standing in society's eyes, I'd rather us kee being ignored forever if it means we can avoid articles like a this. Ugh. That just makes me feel uncomfortable. What is the point of this article? Why does it need to exist? It doesn't provide any real insight into the world of fanfic or why people write fanfic or how we feel about it. It pretty much only exists so that people outside of our community can wrinkle their noses and think about how weird we are.

Plus, I'm like 99% sure that the writer of that article didn't contact the writers of the fics to ask if they could quote them. Which of course they don't legally have to do, but it would be POLITE, okay? Nobody wants to find out their fic has been quoted on NBC's website. Gross.

Ugh.

Stop looking so happy, Andrew-in-my-icon. This is making me uncomfortable.

[eta: I feel like this is also a good time to point out that I stumbled across the article via [livejournal.com profile] fanthropology, which is simultaneously awesome and HORRIFYING. It start out as a sort of meta community about fandom, but now it's mostly just a linkspam of media references to fanfiction. There are a few surprisingly positive discussions about the fanfiction community in the larger culture, but most of them will just make you SO ANGRY.]

two things

Feb. 1st, 2012 05:57 pm
lirazel: ([misc] me in male form (but prettier))
+ Listening to coverage on NPR about how people from Connecticut (what do y'all call yourselves?) are split in their support of the Patriots vs. the Giants, I got bitter and pissed off. I shouldn't care. But I do. Because grown-ass adults can talk about "loathing" a team and talk about "redemption" when it comes to sports, and that is totally socially acceptable and nobody questions it. But if I was to go on any media outlet and talk using that same sort of language about ships or character arcs or the depth of my feelings about the stories I invest in, people would think I was weird and either mock or pity me.

I hate the world.

+ Okay, so apparently these ugly-crying gifs of KBell that I've been seeing around have something to do with sloths + Ellen? I really love KBell, so I kind of want to watch whatever this is, but sloths really, really freak me out? Like almost as much as komodo dragons, which are currently number one on my list of animals that freak me out (my list makes much more sense than my sister's, which is comprised of squirrels and fish. I don't know either). Something about the way they move is just scary as anything to me. So can I watch this video without being horrified? Can I close my eyes during the sloth parts and just watch the KBell parts, or is it mostly sloth parts? Ugh. Just writing the word grosses me out.

I use my Andrew icon for this post because he is the only celebrity I would believe can understand the depth of my feelings (about anything. about everything. just feelings in general). Andrew Garfield: Emotional Evangelist is your sponsor for this post.

two things

Feb. 1st, 2012 05:57 pm
lirazel: ([misc] me in male form (but prettier))
+ Listening to coverage on NPR about how people from Connecticut (what do y'all call yourselves?) are split in their support of the Patriots vs. the Giants, I got bitter and pissed off. I shouldn't care. But I do. Because grown-ass adults can talk about "loathing" a team and talk about "redemption" when it comes to sports, and that is totally socially acceptable and nobody questions it. But if I was to go on any media outlet and talk using that same sort of language about ships or character arcs or the depth of my feelings about the stories I invest in, people would think I was weird and either mock or pity me.

I hate the world.

+ Okay, so apparently these ugly-crying gifs of KBell that I've been seeing around have something to do with sloths + Ellen? I really love KBell, so I kind of want to watch whatever this is, but sloths really, really freak me out? Like almost as much as komodo dragons, which are currently number one on my list of animals that freak me out (my list makes much more sense than my sister's, which is comprised of squirrels and fish. I don't know either). Something about the way they move is just scary as anything to me. So can I watch this video without being horrified? Can I close my eyes during the sloth parts and just watch the KBell parts, or is it mostly sloth parts? Ugh. Just writing the word grosses me out.

I use my Andrew icon for this post because he is the only celebrity I would believe can understand the depth of my feelings (about anything. about everything. just feelings in general). Andrew Garfield: Emotional Evangelist is your sponsor for this post.

two things

Feb. 1st, 2012 05:57 pm
lirazel: ([misc] me in male form (but prettier))
+ Listening to coverage on NPR about how people from Connecticut (what do y'all call yourselves?) are split in their support of the Patriots vs. the Giants, I got bitter and pissed off. I shouldn't care. But I do. Because grown-ass adults can talk about "loathing" a team and talk about "redemption" when it comes to sports, and that is totally socially acceptable and nobody questions it. But if I was to go on any media outlet and talk using that same sort of language about ships or character arcs or the depth of my feelings about the stories I invest in, people would think I was weird and either mock or pity me.

I hate the world.

+ Okay, so apparently these ugly-crying gifs of KBell that I've been seeing around have something to do with sloths + Ellen? I really love KBell, so I kind of want to watch whatever this is, but sloths really, really freak me out? Like almost as much as komodo dragons, which are currently number one on my list of animals that freak me out (my list makes much more sense than my sister's, which is comprised of squirrels and fish. I don't know either). Something about the way they move is just scary as anything to me. So can I watch this video without being horrified? Can I close my eyes during the sloth parts and just watch the KBell parts, or is it mostly sloth parts? Ugh. Just writing the word grosses me out.

I use my Andrew icon for this post because he is the only celebrity I would believe can understand the depth of my feelings (about anything. about everything. just feelings in general). Andrew Garfield: Emotional Evangelist is your sponsor for this post.
lirazel: ([dw] blue box)
fandom is not supposed to make me cry like a sappy little baby.

but when it's this beautiful, i cannot help it.

lirazel: ([dw] blue box)
fandom is not supposed to make me cry like a sappy little baby.

but when it's this beautiful, i cannot help it.

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